Creation – Chapter 5 – Hiddenlongings

Content Rating:
  • R
  • Character Bashing
  • Discussion-Child Abuse
  • Discussion-Murder
  • Violence-Canon-Level
  • Alternate Universe
  • Crossover
  • Established Relationship
Jim Ellison/Blair Sandburg, Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid

Word Count:

Author's Note:

Honestly the day's been pretty terrible for everyone.

It had been years but Morgan was still intimately familiar with what a panic attack felt like. His heart was racing in his chest and he felt a little light headed from the shallow panting breaths that he was struggling to deepen.


What was this?

Derek had unconsciously curled himself into a ball in the passenger side seat of the SUV. His knees were pressed to his forehead as he tried in vain to breath properly. He had had enough therapy and training that he should be able to focus and drag himself out of whatever emotional upheaval his body was currently fighting against.

One of Reid’s hands was warm on his shoulder. The younger man had managed to struggle free from his seatbelt somehow without trying to twist his wrist out of the grip that Derek had unconsciously reached for. The dream, or whatever it had been, was a blur. Nothing seemed to make sense. Shades of blue and honey brown. Curiosity, followed by irritation, followed by some sort of emotional shock that had jolted him awake. But no matter how he strained his memory Derek couldn’t remember anything else.

Reid’s voice, slightly high pitched with concern, was still a soothing murmur that he tried to focus on.  Dark spots were starting to appear in his vision and Derek didn’t think he’d be able to get over the shame of blacking out in a fucking panic attack. It wasn’t even the fact that he’d killed a man. Derek’s shot had been nearly instinctual as he had caught the flash of a knife being drawn.

Mitchell had been willing to kill any and all of them in order to either get away or to commit suicide by cop. Derek had read that intention in the sudden twist of the man’s body. In cases where he had been defending himself and his team Derek rarely felt any sort of long term regret for the people that he had had to kill in the line of duty.

Maybe it made him something of a sociopath himself; a sentiment that he had always carefully kept to himself when speaking to psychiatrists and therapists.

So whatever that dream had been about it hadn’t been about today’s events. Reid had stopped talking Derek suddenly realized but the younger man still hadn’t tried to make him let go and instead of trying to pull away he had wrapped his free arm around the back of Derek’s shoulders and drawn the larger man in towards him.

Even with the discomfort of the center console separating them Derek finally let himself take in deep inhaling breaths.  Reid smelled like spice and honey.  Comforting in a way that reminded Derek of family and sex conflicting as that was. Reid had pressed his jaw against the crown of Derek’s head huddling close enough that his long shaggy hair was draped down enough to hide both of their faces from the rest of the world.

When Derek finally came back to himself enough to notice their position he forced himself to relinquish the grip that he had on Reid’s wrist. He winced a little bit when he noticed the smudgy start of bruises that were already starting to appear on the pale delicate skin.

Reid didn’t say anything though just used his newly freed arm to wrap Derek in a hug. Thank god the SUV had tinted windows Derek thought wildly. At least if he was going to lose his fucking mind he had managed to do so relatively privately with a man who wasn’t going to judge him too harshly.

“Sorry about this.” Morgan’s voice was rough and his throat felt raw as though he had been screaming.

“We’ve had a hell of a few years,” Reid said quietly. “And to be honest quite an exciting day. I’m sorry I startled you. I should have been more careful.”

“Can’t carry a stick to poke me with from a distance dude. People would think you have some sort of fetish. That’d just be weird.”

“Well,” Reid said gravely. “We all know that I am the epitome of conventional masculinity; so perhaps people would just wonder if I had chosen to take Roosevelt’s words to heart on speaking softly and carrying a big stick. Everyone knows how terrible I am at understanding euphemisms.”

Morgan gave a watery chuckle as he finally returned the hug briefly. “Truer words.”


Blair jolted awake so abruptly that he managed to scoot his butt off of the edge of the uncomfortable recliner that he had been slumped into.  He didn’t so much fall to the floor as slide but he still hit the hard tile floor with a distinctive thump. Blair blinked his eyes rapidly as he tried to pull his consciousness free from the grip that the spirit world had held on him.

The room around him slowly hazed into focus but he could only stare dully at the edge of the bed that Jim was currently sleeping in. The pain meds must have hit the man hard because he didn’t seem to have so much as flinched when Blair had fallen. Where the spirit world had been tinged in blue the real world seemed to have been bleached within the walls of the hospital.

Everything was beige.

Blair let his forehead fall forward into his hands so that he was staring at the tile he could see between his knees. Okay. So maybe the tiles was ecru but he wasn’t going to be too picky when he was busy being overly dramatic.

The sight of Morgan slinking uneasily into the clearing had been enough to set his heart pounding. What had it been. 5 years? 6? Long enough that both Blair and Jim had started to relax from their normally ever present paranoia.  The Behavioral Analysis Unit seemed to have become something of a bad dream. The boogeymen in the shadows that had been waiting for some sort of a slip up.

Derek Morgan had looked much the same as he had back then. Blair wasn’t going to deny the fact that Morgan was a handsome man; he was still striking but the agent had lost any remaining softness that had lingered in his eyes back when they had last seen each other in the real world.

The spirit world seemed to strip people down to their essences and surrounded by the blue underbrush the man had seemed like a stark and lonely figure. From the way the giant grizzly bear had eyed the man Blair figured Morgan was going to be forcefully given a literal bear hug and then cuddled whether he liked it or not.


Jim’s voice was slightly slurred from the medication that Blair had bullied him into taking.  Jim’s system was still a lot more sensitive to certain pain medications than a regular person would have been; but over the years and assorted injuries they had worked out what would do the least harm to the sentinels system while also giving him at least a modicum of pain relief. Blair’s laugh was a little hysterical as he finally pulled himself back to his feet so that he could look Jim in the eye.

“Oh man. Are you ever going to hate this.”

Jim’s feet were covered by an almost tangible jaguar that purred in welcome and made Blair start a bit in surprise.

“I figured something terrible was going to happen when puss here showed up. Go on, Chief.” Jim looked up at the ceiling with only half-feigned resignation. “Hit me while I’m down.”

Post Archive



  1. Oh boy did you capture Jim Ellison perfectly.
    Thank you

  2. Great update!

  3. Good part, thanks so much! I love Jim. LOL

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