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Tommy picked up his bottle and took a sip. He looked down at where Evan was talking to a few guys before they were off shift. It was not like they were really that quiet about dating at the moment. They had been on three dates so far, and Tommy knew that this was the one that was going to change everything. It wasn’t that Tommy didn’t want sex with Evan; it was the exact opposite. He knew that once he had him, he wasn’t going to let go. He was already pretty much over halfway in love with him, and he thought that in the end, it was going to be sex that tipped it over that. They had spent more time together over the last few weeks of Tommy working with him than most people who had only been on three dates. They knew what each other looked like when they cried; they knew most of the deep, dark secrets that came up.

“You look like you would rather do anything than go on that date with Buck,” Bobby said as he came over to him and sipped his cup of coffee.

Tommy had finished off his coffee, and he had switched to water because they were going to a breakfast date that morning, and the place that Evan had picked out had really good coffee, so Tommy wanted to wait to drink more until they were at the meal.

“No, it’s not that. It’s just…”

“Well, how about we talk about something else, Tommy, like you going back. I know that you’ve done what is needed to get back in the air, and you are waiting for Eddie to come back before you leave.”

Tommy looked at Bobby, and he should have been shocked that he had realized what Tommy was doing without Tommy telling him. Tommy missed the sky, but he felt like he should stay where he was because this team didn’t need someone else coming in and jumping things up. “Yeah. I’ve been doing that.”

“I’m glad you can admit it. So, Eddie’s going to be here in ten minutes to tell Buck and the rest of the shift that he will be back the next shift. So I’m going to slot you back to Harbor. Your team will be happy to have you back and will be happy you took the time to get yourself back up in the air.”

“It was needed. I needed that break, but still wanted to do my job. I’m glad that Melton allows that kind of thing. Most would have benched me fully, but he understood that it was just all in my head and needed the space. Seeing everyone taking off for those calls would have ripped that wound open each time. I needed the distance. Especially after my work partner moved in next door to me without either of us knowing.”

Bobby laughed. He pointed. “I guess that Eddie got here sooner than he thought. He was given the clearance this morning.”

Eddie came in the door, and Tommy smiled at the guy when he looked up to meet Bobby’s eyes. Tommy couldn’t see his face that well, but he could see the way that his body was lax, at least until Evan went over and hugged the shit out of him. Then Evan put him down, and the others came in for a hug. The words didn’t travel up, but when the hugs all ended, Eddie said something. That made Evan look at the others and then up at Tommy. Tommy smiled at him and just took a sip of his water, then Evan went back in for another hug with Eddie.

“I’m glad you are getting your team back,” Tommy said.

“I think that you needed this as well, more than just getting your head around getting up in the sky again. I think that you need Buck in your life.”

“That obvious, huh?” Tommy asked.

“Not really. I mean, I haven’t caught you in a supply closet making out, but I also have seen the way things have changed over the last week. You two had been working even more in sync, as you are well aware of where the other is. Buck and Eddie were like that as well, but only after a lot of work. Eddie’s good at reading Buck’s moods, and he is good at figuring out what Buck needs in the field when it comes to what the day entails. You two are better at that, and I think it’s about the way you both are. It’s gonna take him a shift or two to get used to having Eddie back, but I know that he wants him back. You want back in the sky. Still, you two were a dream team, even if you both tried to see who could kill each other first in a competition. It was the healthy kind, so I hadn’t put my foot down.”

“No, I would never let it go to where it hurt someone, and Evan never once tried to take it that far. It was something that I would never want to do. I know that mistakes are made, but that kind of thing pushes for the worst mistakes. It’s the kind of thing that I really hate when it comes to the competition that some captains try to do with their teams.”

“It can get results, but the captain has to make sure that the rules are followed. Will you ever want to be a captain at your station?”

“I think I would, but it will be a while. Melton can still go up in the air; he’s just not sure of his reaction times when it counts. So I am pretty sure that he will slowly just not go up unless the world is ending.”

“I would want to be out of here if I couldn’t go into a fire if it were needed, maybe move up to battalion chief or just chief.”

“You would be good at either one of them,” Tommy said. He turned around to lean and look at Bobby. “You were a little bit of an asshole when you came in here, but I think that having the team that really meshed really helped you come into your own.”

“I do remember what we talked about before you left here. I took some of it to heart, and other parts didn’t come in until after Buck replaced you. Then, when we finally got someone who stuck around, who replaced Sal.”

“Sal had hard shoes to fill, and when I was still here, it was harder. No one was my partner like Sal. Evan would have made a good choice to replace Sal if you had planned on keeping me. I might have stayed then to be with him. Though I am not sure that he was in the place where he is now.”

“No, the Buck who was here back then was a little rougher around the edges. He was not ready for something like this. It came not long after, but still, you might have run screaming from him.” Bobby laughed, and he looked down. “I love him like a son, and that’s probably going to cause issues. So I’m glad that he’s found someone like you because you will make sure that he tells me about myself.”

“Like the lawsuit?” Tommy asked.

“I’m sure that you heard all about all of that. I made mistakes with how I handled that. I saw him down my path because in my head, it was like father, like son, and that was not where this was going. So, I think that between you and Athena, it will be fine.”

Bobby wandered off to head down to talk to Eddie and the rest of the team that had gathered around. They were offline until the next shift was fully there because they had spent a good chunk of the night out. Tommy was tired, but he wanted that date. They had already discussed that they both still wanted to do it and then would take a nap afterward. Tommy was really looking forward to that nap because, as much as the coffee would perk him up, once he was home, it was going to be hard to ignore the siren call of his bed. He wasn’t sure what Evan was going to want to do, but he hoped that Evan would nap in his bed. Then maybe they could see about the sex stuff when they were both awake in time for lunch.

Evan was the first to break off the group that was down there. Tommy wasn’t shocked that he made his way over to where Tommy was, stealing his water and taking a sip of it.

“Happy to have Eddie back?” Tommy asked.

“Yes and no. Yes, I want to get Eddie back, but not because it means you are leaving, and I know that you were always going to leave. I know that. I just didn’t let myself think about it. It wasn’t like you were going just to stick around. I also know that you have been ready to head back up in the sky for a while now. You were sticking around for me.”

“Not just you, Bobby, Hen, and Howie, as well as the rest of the team. You guys didn’t take the chance to get some stupid float who would try to angle for Eddie’s position. That would not help at all. So, I stayed because while I wanted to get up there, I knew that as soon as Eddie was back, I could go again. And I have picked up my lessons again, so you know that I have been up in the sky. Not been helping people, but that’s okay, because I’m sure that I’ll get my fill of that up there soon. And I’ve been saving people here.”

Evan slipped closer, and Tommy debated for a few seconds what to do before he wrapped Evan up in his arms. It felt really freaking good to have Evan in his arms like this. He heard the wolf calls from down below and knew that everyone saw it. He didn’t even look at them at all. He just pressed a kiss to Evan’s forehead, and he waited to figure out what was going to happen next.

They had all the time in the world, and Tommy wasn’t going to waste it.

—

Buck felt the bed move, and he wasn’t ready to wake up yet. He pulled the pillow in his arms closer to him and groaned when he felt Tommy moving up to slip behind him again. They had fallen asleep apart, but when Buck had gotten up to pee at one point, Tommy had wrapped himself around Buck as soon as Buck had gotten back into the bed. Then there had been more sleeping.

Now Buck was awake, but he didn’t want to be. He knew there was no going back to sleep for him. Tommy seemed half awake, even if certain parts of him were fully awake. It matched the erection that Buck was sporting as well. It was the kind of morning Buck loved when it was him and Abby, and then him and Ali. Yet, there was something different about this. It was like something was different at the base of it. He was with Tommy in the bedroom because they had wanted to take a nap together. The alarm hadn’t even gone off yet. It was the kind of thing that Buck had never really felt before. He had always woken up hard because of so much sex at night, the alarm scaring the shit out of him.

“Awake?” Tommy asked as he rubbed his face into Buck’s neck, and there was a little bit of a scruff there that sent a few chills down Buck’s body.

He had never once thought that the start of a beard would feel like that on him. It was like he had been missing half of his life, and while he could regret the years that he could have been avoiding this before, he wasn’t going to. He found out when he was supposed to, and it gave him Tommy.

“Yeah. I’m more than awake.” Buck didn’t want to move, but he also wanted to move, roll over, and take a kiss from Tommy that was going to make him feel like he was going to be happy. It was the kind of thing that made it all so fucking good.

“Still wanna?” Tommy didn’t say anything, and he didn’t even press his erection to Buck anymore.

“Yeah, I do.” They had talked it all out on the drive from the restaurant. That they would sleep, and what happened happened. Tommy wasn’t worried about whatever he was worried about anymore.

Buck had tried to get him to talk about it, but Tommy had just said that he was dealing with his own issues, and that meant that he needed to deal with them, and it had nothing to do with Buck. Buck had chosen to believe him, and he would make it so that Tommy knew that he supported him.

“Are you sure you are good?” Buck asked.

“Yes, Evan. I’m good. I am not scared of what I feel anymore.”

That made Buck freeze a little bit. He wondered if Tommy had felt the same thing that he did. The words that Buck had said to only a single person in his life were that they weren’t familiar feelings, and she had left him anyway. He had been thinking about it for a few days, how much he was going to miss working with Tommy, but he was also glad that Tommy wasn’t going to be there for the shit that went down for the 118. They had their run of weird-ass things, but nothing that made Buck fear for Tommy’s life, outside of the one time.

Could he be brave? Could Buck be the one to say the words first? Buck inhaled, and he exhaled, awaiting to see what Tommy was going to say, but Tommy said nothing at all. He just wasn’t sure what he wanted to do with it. He felt like things were so weird.

“I love you too,” Buck said.

Tommy inhaled sharply. Then Buck was moving, Tommy moving him, or they moved at the same time. Buck was on his back with Tommy looking down at him, braced up on his arms, and their bodies barely touching. It looked like something was crossing Tommy’s face that felt like it was something to fear, but also something to want.

“Are you… No, not going to ask that. I love you.” Tommy dove in for a kiss.

Buck knew that Tommy had been about to ask if Buck was sure, but Buck didn’t care. Tommy stopped himself. He was working on that because Buck had asked him not to question him on things unless Buck was actually unsure about things, which Tommy was good at working on because of the job they did together. It was the kind of thing that made it easier to trust Tommy about things. He wasn’t sure what he was going to end up doing about all of this, but right now, Buck didn’t care.

Tommy broke the kiss, and he stared down at him. Buck was glad to let him just look at him. It was something that he didn’t care too much about at the moment, so he would make it good for now. He wanted to have it all. He wanted Tommy. He loved Tommy. The feelings had been there, but Buck hadn’t touched them, which was just fine. They would figure themselves out and go from there. It was the kind of thing that made it all so much better. They were on the same page, just like they were at work.

Buck cupped the back of Tommy’s head and pulled him down to where their foreheads were touching. “I am sure.”

Tommy snorted a little bit, and he kissed him again. He pushed up and looked down at their bodies. They were clothed, Buck in a pair of Tommy’s sleep pants and a shirt that he had in his Jeep, while Tommy was in a pair of shorts. Tommy was already so warm, and Buck loved that because he didn’t get warm while sleeping like that. Tommy had warned him that he was a furnace, so he had easily just let Tommy tell him what to wear.

“We’ve already seen each other naked,” Buck said.

“Yes, we have. Not exactly the most romantic way either, but yes.”

“I blame you because I’ve not had a chemical cleanup like that outside of massive fires in a long time.”

“I blame you because I’ve not had one since before I left the 118.” Tommy leaned down a little. He brushed his lips over Buck’s. “So, how do you feel about getting naked for me?”

“Will you get naked for me?” Buck asked.

“I might if you ask nicely. As much as I have a kink for being dressed and fucking someone, that’s not exactly what we would want to do for a first time.”

Buck had never really tried that kind of thing, and always at least taken off his pants and underwear. The only thing that didn’t always get off him was his socks. Unless it was a hook-up, and then neither of them got naked, and just their parts needed for the sex they were having were open to the world. He would have to see about getting Tommy naked and just taking his cock out of his pants and seeing if he liked it too.

“Thinking about it, aren’t you?”

Buck nodded his head. He bit at his lip, and he really thought about it.

Tommy laughed and leaned in for a kiss. It was fucking good. He loved it. He finally touched, letting himself touch all he wanted with Tommy’s shirt off.

Getting naked was something that Buck would remember for the rest of his life. Tommy helped him, but they mostly got in each other’s way as they kissed and touched, kissing the skin he could reach. Buck went for one of Tommy’s nipples at one point, which stopped Tommy from getting Buck’s socks off him. Then there was the time when Buck had been too enthralled with touching Tommy’s cock to even try to get naked.

Buck looked at Tommy’s cock because while they had been naked around each other, they had never been like this, where Buck could look. He had never once looked at anyone’s cocks, not with the idea of something sexual. There had been in the locker room at school where they were making fun of those with smaller cocks, but that was it. He had never had the passing thought of the idea that he wanted to lick that cock. He never thought that he wanted to see what a cock tasted like.

It was all Buck could think about right now. Tommy was just as big as Buck was, but he didn’t seem to get as wet. Which wasn’t a bad thing. Buck’s nickname of firehose came from more than just how big he was. He could get wet, and it sometimes wasn’t a good thing.

“What does that look mean?” Tommy asked when they were settled down again, their legs tangled, but their bodies apart.

“Can I taste you?” Buck asked.

“You can do whatever you want, Evan. Let’s get me on the bottom, and you can explore my body however you want. I don’t have many issues beyond that my feet are ticklish as hell, so not featherlight touches to the bottom of them, unless you want me to jerk in your hold too much.”

“Okay.” Buck waited to move until Tommy had gotten himself off of him. They moved, and Tommy stayed in the middle of the bed and propped his head up on pillows so that he could look down at what Buck was doing with ease. Buck looked at him and tried to figure out how he wanted to do this. He touched Tommy’s knees and then moved back to allow Tommy to spread his legs and get his knees up to where Buck was between them.

Tommy’s body was just like Buck’s, fit in all the right places, with small amounts of padding in places where they were best to be had. It was so good to see the way that Tommy’s body was, and that even looking at someone who was very much a man was making him want it more.

“Nervous?”

“Not for messing it up. I know sex. I know what I like, and I know how to listen for gasps and other signs that you are loving what I’m doing. I was still afraid that seeing you like this would make me go soft.”

Tommy nodded, and he held out his hand. Buck moved up, laying his body on Tommy’s, and they kissed, their cocks brushing each other. It felt fucking good. He loved it so much. They kissed and rocked until Buck couldn’t take it anymore, and he pushed up and moved down the bed again. He went right for Tommy’s cock, holding it how he wanted to make sure that he could get to the tip. He licked across the head of the cock and tasted Tommy. It wasn’t much different from his own, and he had tasted that years before, and more recently when he had needed to grab his phone after jerking off. He hadn’t wanted to wipe it on his pants. The more he thought about his jerking off lately, the more he realized that it all had to do with Tommy, even before he kissed Tommy.

“You have nothing to prove,” Tommy said.

Buck nodded because he knew that. He knew that he had nothing that he needed to prove to anyone. There were so many things that he had to prove in his life, but this wasn’t one of them. It was the kind of thing that he used to think he had to prove, but he was who he was, and that was enough.

“You doing okay there?” Tommy asked.

Buck nodded. He knew he had been just staring at the cock that was in front of him, but he wasn’t sure he was going to end up doing anything about this. He wanted to have something else, and he wanted to have it now. He leaned in and tasted Tommy again, learning what kind of things he could do with his hands and his tongue that would make Tommy gasp and make a good noise. He knew that this had to be good for Tommy, but wondered if part of the good was because he was unsure of what he was doing. Was there something thrilling about being the first cock that Buck had in his mouth? He hadn’t ever had a thing for virginity, but there was something about teaching someone to do something that you were the only one to do it.

“Will you fuck me?” Buck asked when he pulled off where he had been sucking on the head of Tommy’s cock.

Tommy cursed, and he reached down to pull Buck up to him. He looked at him, stared into Buck’s eyes, before he kissed him. The kiss was dirty, and it was one of the more erotic things he had ever done in his life, and he had done a lot of things. There were a few things that he felt like were going to end up messing him up, but he wanted this.

“Are you sure you don’t want to fuck me?” Tommy asked.

“I’m sure. I think that I want something else right now. I wanna know what it feels like to have you inside of me, different than just sucking my cock.”

Tommy nodded, and he pulled Buck into a kiss again. They kept on kissing, and Tommy touched. Then there was the snap of something, and Buck groaned as he realized it was lube. He didn’t realize that Tommy had some that he could grab like that without moving anything. He moved to break the kiss, but Tommy held him in place with one hand. Then there were fingers between his cheeks. He shifted his legs to where his ass was more on display, and it gave Tommy access that he didn’t have before to get into there to play with him.

Buck remembered his own time with being fingered open so that he could have a dildo in his ass. He had loved it and felt like things were good. He just wasn’t sure what kind of thing Tommy wanted to do with it. There were so many ways, and this was their first time.

“You wanna stay like this or do you want another way of doing it?” Tommy asked when he finally let the kiss break.

“I am not sure. I was on my knees with the one time I was fucked with a strap-on. It was easier given the place we were in and the physicality of the woman.”

“Hmm, and do you want a repeat of that, or do you wanna face me? Wanna be on top?”

“Ride you?” Buck asked. He had thought about that position, but not for the first time. There was the tantalizing idea of going down on his cock like that. He allowed himself to take it as slow or as fast as he wanted, but not this time. No, this time he wanted to be surrounded by Tommy. “Not this time. How about normal? Like missionary?”

Tommy nodded, and he pulled Buck into a kiss again before he flipped them onto the bed. He got them moved around to where Tommy was between Buck’s legs. It was kind of fun to have someone who was in bed with him who could do that. Buck knew women who loved it, but he had never once put that thought into his own head on what he would like or not like when it came to that. He really fucking loved it though.

“How are you feeling right now?” Tommy asked.

“Good,” Buck said.

“I’m glad. Next time we do this, you are going to clean up a lot…and I’m going to eat you out. It’s something I’ve been thinking about for over a month. Getting you bent over something and eating you the fuck out.”

Buck inhaled because he had dreamed of that. He’s on the front of the bed, and Tommy is making him come just from that. He had woken up in his bed with a wet spot for the first time in years from that dream. He would have to tell Tommy about that later. “Yeah, I can do that. I have cleaned up like that before for other things. So I’m good to do that.”

Tommy grinned, and then he looked down at Buck’s cock before he licked the head of it. “You get wet like this all the time?”

Buck shook his head. “Not all the time. A lot of it. It was a worry when I was younger, and I had a condom breakage.”

“I can see where that would be an issue. I haven’t met too many people who actually have that kind of thought. They think if there is no orgasm, there is no change of pregnancy, not knowing that the stuff that comes first is just as likely.”

Buck knew that it was something. His sister had drilled that into him.

Tommy grabbed a condom from the drawer and picked up the lube that was sitting on the side of the bed. “I had it out under my pillow, and I found it in the middle of the nap and left it there. I figured that we might want to use it.”

Buck nodded. He really did want to use it. “Don’t…I don’t need a lot of foreplay. I think we can save that for another time. I’m fine with fingers in my ass, I don’t need to be eased into that.”

“Wasn’t planning on it.” Tommy slicked up his fingers.

Buck had never once thought that he would be here in his life, but as Tommy worked fingers into him, slicking him up more than playing with him, and doing a whole bunch of foreplay. He loved it, though. The way Tommy was over him. The feeling of the fingers inside of him. The burn as Tommy got four into him, four of his massive fingers. Buck thought that he could come from this, and he would have to see sometime if Tommy wanted to try that. Tommy could easily fuck him afterward because Buck loved the feeling of overstimulation. He had learned that with Taylor, because she was a little bit of a freak in bed. He got his legs spread when Tommy pulled his fingers free and picked up something that was on the side of the bed to clean off those things. It was the shorts Tommy had been wearing. He had kept them close, making sure he had somewhere to do that. Then Tommy was rolling the condom down his cock.

“Can we get tested soon? I wanna feel you come inside of me.”

Tommy’s hand stopped as he got the condom to the base of his dick and looked at Buck like he was surprised that Buck said something like that. “You can’t just say that shit.”

“Why not?” Buck asked.

“You are being a brat.”

Buck nodded because he liked being a brat, especially if Tommy was going to look at him like that. He really did like it. Tommy got his cock slicked up, and he moved to where he was pressing Buck’s legs up and braced himself above Buck, but not sliding inside of him. “Are you forgetting something?”

“No, I’m not. I’m not forgetting anything. Bratty boys have to put my cock inside of them.”

Buck swallowed because that idea had never once crossed his mind, but now that it did, he loved it. He shifted his body a little, and he could feel the cock bouncing around down there. He reached down and found it and guided it to his hole. As soon as the head touched, Tommy pushed. He didn’t stop until he was flush with Buck, either.

“Just like that.”

“Fuck,” Buck said. He groaned and tried to wrap his head around the feeling of being filled up like that. He didn’t even know what the hell to do, but clench around Tommy’s cock inside of him as Tommy finally started to pull out.

Buck wasn’t going to last long, and he hoped that Tommy was able to last a little longer because Tommy was well-versed in this.

Tommy got himself settled as he pushed back in, and then they were kissing. It felt really good to have Tommy all around him like that, pressing his legs open to fuck him. His hands were holding onto Buck’s now to hold him in place. Their chests pressed together. It made Buck feel safe. It made him feel like this was where he was supposed to be, with Tommy. The kind of thing that made Buck’s brain go white with want. To focus on what he was doing and how he was feeling when Tommy pushed all the way back into him. It felt fucking good. He wanted it. He felt like he was going to go crazy.

“More,” Buck said, and Tommy did it.

Tommy got himself up on his arms, and he looked down into Buck’s face. Buck was finally able to touch, and he was happy. He reached up for Tommy’s face, and he held onto it with one hand, and the other grabbed his side. They were covered in sweat, so Buck had trouble holding on, but he did it. He got his hands on Tommy all over and pulled him down to kiss him again. They stayed like that until they had both come. It was really good. Buck loved it, and he wanted to keep it going. He loved it so fucking much. He groaned, and then he latched his legs around Tommy to keep him right there. He made sure that Tommy was smiling into his skin, and he held onto him. It felt too fucking good to have Tommy’s weight on him. He wondered if Tommy would like being called a weighted blanket.

“We will need to clean up.”

“Hmm, shower? I’ll suck you off in there.”

“Jesus, you are going to kill me, aren’t you, Evan?”

“No, killing you would mean no more cock, and I like your cock.”

“I’m going to regret this so much.”

Buck laughed, and he held on until his limbs didn’t like it and he allowed Tommy to coax him into a shower. It was just the start for them.

—

Buck looked at where Abby was with her husband, and he felt nothing but happiness that she had left him. There was so much else that he could be feeling, but he was happy for her. They had both needed something different, and if she had stayed, Buck would not have Tommy. He wasn’t sure what would have given him the idea of being bisexual if he had still been with Abby.

“You okay?” Eddie asked as he laid his hand on Buck’s shoulder.

“Yeah, I’m good. You?”

“You risked it all, but it was a good risk, and I’m glad you were able to fully get us to understand what you were doing in your head.”

Buck snorted, and he thought about how Tommy had worked with him on that on the job. Tommy was good at understanding what Buck was doing, and it made everything think they were better than they were, but in the end, Tommy made Buck spell it out. The jumps he made were not him being risky; it was just him seeing it differently than anyone else.

“You didn’t answer my question. This is a hell of a first day back,” Buck said as he waved at the wreckage of the train.

“It was a day, and I’ll talk about it in therapy, but after the earthquake, being my first week on the job, it kind of set the pace of there being so much going on. I’m good. I wanna see Chris’ face, and I’ll do that as soon as I can in the morning because it’s too late at night. Might have Carla send me a picture, though. Of him asleep in bed.”

Buck nodded. He had already gotten word to Tommy that he was good. Tommy was on a flight to get a victim to a center in another city that would be better to handle the injury that they had. One of the first people who had gotten out of the wreckage.

“How was it seeing Tommy for the first time on the job on different teams?” Eddie asked.

“Oh, it was fine. He’s hot when he’s flying.”

Eddie laughed, and he pulled on Buck’s shoulder to get them where they needed to go. They had been pulled off the crash site, and their fill-ins were already there on the site, working. It was going to be a while before the place was fully cleared and made safe enough to leave it alone until the crews who were going to do the cleanup would be allowed in there. It was going to be interesting to see how long it really took to get it all cleaned up.

“I have a date tomorrow,” Eddie said.

“Really?”

“Yeah. One of the things that I’ve worked on in therapy is the feelings for Shannon. The love that I had for her and a few other things. Chris is excited for me to get out there. He knows that his mother will always have a place in my heart because she gave him to me. We had our issues, but I think that with time, we would have worked through them, not to get back together but to be two good parents to Chris. We both did our versions of running; I at least kept in touch with Shannon and Chris when I was gone. The hate I have for her over leaving Chris like that and wanting to leave again was all wrapped up in the whole don’t speak ill of the dead. My parents were good at that. I didn’t think I could think ill of her.”

“One of my grandparents on my mother’s side was downright horrible to Maddie. I never really met her. I was alive when she was alive, but it was near the end. Maddie said that she was worse than Mom was about things. She was horrible and would pinch Maddie’s cheeks and slap her if she told her no. Our parents didn’t do much to protect her, but that was kind of the norm for the time period. It was only turning to that kind of thing being labeled as abuse. Maddie never once said anything nice about her, and our parents tried to act like she was some saint, but Maddie stopped that. I don’t like going out and just ranting about people who have died, but shitty people dying doesn’t mean that you don’t talk about how shitty they are. Maybe not to the direct family who lost that person, e.g., that’s shitty, and you are not a shitty person.”

Eddie looked at Buck like Buck had said some big words of wisdom. They were nearly to the engine, where the rest of the team looked just as fucking exhausted as they all felt. It was nice to have the whole team back together. Tommy being there had healed a part of them that they didn’t know needed fixing. Eddie had come back, and things were different, but the man hadn’t seemed to have too many issues getting back to what they needed to be. He was better at things as well.

Even Chim’s quips that could be seen as mean were fewer. It was the kind of thing that Buck had never thought he could have. He had grown up in a house that wasn’t good, but he assumed that no place could be wholly good. He would have to tell Tommy that Tommy had fixed them in a way that Buck had never noticed needed to be fixed.

“I was talking to my date, her name is Nina, by the way. And Nina would like to do a double date with you and Tommy if our date does well, not like right away, but I talked about you a little bit and about how close you are, and you’re like my brother. She said that she has a few friends like that since she grew up without a sibling. I told her that I didn’t mind, but that you and Tommy might not want to do it.”

“I mean, she knows we are two guys, right?” Buck asked.

Eddie nodded. “Yeah, I mean, I said your names. I guess that she could think that Tommy is a woman. We have met a few Tommys who are women over the years. I should make sure of that. I swear I used he and him for both of you.”

“Then if she’s not gonna be a homophobe, then I would love to. I’ll check with Tommy. We had a sort of double date the other day with Tommy’s partner and neighbor.”

“What?” Eddie asked. He made a face.

“His work partner, the medic and pilot who goes up with him the most at work, moved next door without them realizing that Tommy was her new neighbor.”

Eddie laughed and shook his head. “That’s the kind of shit only you could get into. Was it before you met him?”

“Yeah, it was so you can’t blame that on me. He was here at the 118 before that, maybe just a little bit of clinging horribleness to him.”

Hen looked up from her phone, finally. “Yeah, the 118 has always had a different kind of luck when it comes to things like that. So, how do you feel about stopping for breakfast at Joe’s place?”

“Yes, please, my normal.” Buck was hungry as hell, and he was going to be waiting a while for Tommy to get back because with this being Tommy’s first shift back at Harbor, he had a therapy appointment right after, and it could take a while. Especially with how far he had to go to take the victim where they needed to go before flying back to Harbor.

Tommy had checked in with him over the course of the day, making sure that Buck knew how well he was doing at everything, especially the first time he went up in the air with Miriam at his side. It had been a milk run, and then things would be fine.

“And you, Eddie?” Hen asked.

“Yeah, my normal, extra potatoes, please.”

“In the dish or a side of them?”

“Oh, in the dish. They do that right?”

Hen nodded, and she worked on getting the food in.

When they did this kind of thing, each unit got food from somewhere. That way, no place was overloaded, and also they could split up and get it a lot faster than waiting in line for a long time to get things. The drivers of the two ambulances would get stuff somewhere, usually together, then everyone in the engine, then the ladder truck. They were all very good at doing that kind of thing. They did pick up and would make sure that the notes on the vehicle told them that they were firefighters. Sometimes it got them extra things, sometimes it just meant that they would bring it out to the vehicle instead of one or two of them having to get out. It was nice to have the option now, with how things were.

“Are you happy?” Eddie asked.

“Yeah, I think I am. I didn’t know that being more settled like that in my private life would help me that much with the job, but it does,” Buck said.

“I know what you mean. I was…the last while of being in the Army was like both sides of my life were war zones. I didn’t realize it until recently. I love Shannon, but we were not good together. We would have ended things a lot worse if she hadn’t left to go to LA. I thought a few times about following her, but getting things transferred for the PT and everything I was doing as part of being discharged, the stuff that the Army still covered, I would have had delays that could have set me back. I moved fine because I needed to, but it was painful. Taking care of Chris at the start had been torture to my body, and things had to change. In the end, we did what we both thought was best.”

“Let’s load up!” Bobby called out as the last few stragglers got over to the engines and loaded up.

Buck felt like maybe Eddie wanted to talk more, and he could come with Buck to his place before Tommy messaged that he was on his way home, and Buck could meet him at his place. Tommy’s house was where they met up a lot, because Buck loved his place. It was pretty nice, and it was homey in a way that the loft never felt like. It was the kind of place he could see them both being happy for the rest of their lives.

“Wanna come home with me?” Buck asked once they were loaded up.

“To talk more?” Eddie asked.

Buck nodded and slipped his headset on.

“Yeah, I could do that. You don’t need to meet with Tommy?”

“Not until he’s done. That flight will take him a while, and then he has an appointment after. He will text when he’s done with that. I’ll get you out of my place and head home.”

“Home?” Eddie asked.

Buck felt the blush creeping up his face. He knew that despite everyone acting like they were not part of Eddie and Buck’s conversations, they were listening, and the way that Bobby, Hen’s, and Chim looked at him, Buck knew that the acting like they weren’t part of it was fully gone now.

“What?” Buck asked. “It was a slip.”

“A slip, but it’s the truth, isn’t it?” Hen asked.

“Yeah. I love his place. I feel safer and happier there than anywhere else I’ve ever lived. We’ve already told each other that we love each other. The next step is living together.”

“That’s adorable. I think that was faster than Karen and me,” Hen said.

Chim laughed at that, and he poked her. “You guys win on the kid front unless Buck and Tommy get a kid in the next while.”

“Hey!” Buck said. He didn’t want to think about a kid with them. He still wasn’t sure that he wanted kids. He wasn’t sure what he was going to end up doing about that, but he and Tommy were both on the same page. They would deal with it later because they didn’t know. Buck wanted a family, people around him. He had never once thought that it would have to include kids. He figured that he would go off what the person he was with wanted, which, when it was Ali, was that she wanted kids. Abby never did. Before that, there was no one who was serious.

Maybe kids would be in their future, and maybe they would not. Buck wasn’t sure, but they were happy together right now. That was all that mattered.

—

“So, Tommy, are you happy?”

Tommy looked at Linda as she asked that question before closing her notebook. She wasn’t going to get to take more notes, and there were only five minutes left in the session. Tommy hadn’t been nearly as freaked out as he thought he was going to be going back up in the air. He had done the work beforehand, and now it felt right.

“I am. I felt at home up in the sky. I felt like it was getting me back to where I needed to be. There was a little bit of my heart racing, and then it was gone when I was up. I didn’t shake, and I had no issues. Miriam was right there in case something went wrong. It was good.” Tommy knew that Linda knew that because they had gone over it, but this was how they wrapped up what they did. Linda asked him if he was happy.

Today was the first time that Tommy had said it and meant it, that he said it without a caveat about something he wasn’t happy about.

“And with Evan?”

Tommy looked away from her and out the window. “He’s good. We are good. We broached the subject of kids, and we both aren’t sure. We had our own issues growing up, so it might just be something that we won’t, but we will talk about it if that changes anytime soon.”

“So you want to do the whole thing with him? Have him move in? Get married?”

“Yes, I do. It’s not scary like it was with my last girlfriend, which I know was because I didn’t know how to spend the rest of my life with someone I didn’t want like that. She was a good friend, and if we had never taken that step, she could have stayed in my life as my friend, but that wasn’t to be because we did take that step, and I was lying to myself. She and I could never recover from that, so I feel like I was good to just step away and not try to fix it. She hated me. She understood, but she hated me.”

“Well, I’m going to give you homework today. You need to write a letter to her to get it all off your chest. I can see you regret things, but sometimes you don’t need the forgiveness; you need to get your words out. Then you are going to burn it.”

“If I don’t ring it in, how will you know that I did it?” Tommy asked.

“Because you don’t lie well at all, and especially when you are here.”

“I’ll do it, and I’ll even do a whole ritual thing with Evan about burning it.”

“He knows about her?”

“Yeah, he knows all about it all. It was a middle-of-the-night convo when I couldn’t sleep, and he realized it. He couldn’t sleep until I slept, so we were just lying in bed there.”

“Okay, I’m glad that you can tell him things like that.”

“He’s told me worse things, not like…just comparable, but his childhood was…I know my mother loved me. I know that in some weird fucking way my father loved me, until he didn’t. Evan doesn’t know if his parents ever loved him. Maddie has stopped trying to tell him that they do.” Tommy stopped because the timer went off, and they had a minute left. He waited for Linda to stop it, and then she looked at him. “She accepts that her way of looking at it doesn’t override Evan’s.”

“Hmm, it can be hard. All children have the same parents, but also different parents. Each child needs something different, and that sometimes means that they don’t notice how the parents treat their siblings.”

Tommy nodded, and he stood up. He grabbed his empty bottle. He would fill it up from the machine out in the lobby before heading home. Evan said he was with Eddie at his loft and would leave when Tommy messaged him. He knew that the team had eaten breakfast, so he had time to grab something to eat before heading to his appointment.

“Thank you, have a good day.”

“You too, Tommy. I’ll see you in two weeks.”

Tommy stopped and looked at her. She smiled and nodded. Silent in the agreement that he didn’t need to be seen every week like it was now. He knew that he could transition quickly into being able to just make his appointments when he needed them and not on a set schedule beyond every six months, because that was where he felt the good spot was in needing to do a check-in on his mental health. He had too much shit in his life not to see someone at least every six months, even if it was just to reassure himself that he wasn’t going off the deep end.

The lobby was empty. The early morning appointments Linda had open were for first responders and medical professionals because she wanted to make sure she had spots for them before or after they got off shift, and evenings for emergency appointments.

The parking lot was just as empty, so Tommy settled into the truck, and he pulled out his phone. He turned the ringer on and looked at the messages. There were a few from friends. Sal’s message was to get him and Evan over for dinner that night. Tommy thought about it, and he would let Evan make the choice. Evan and Sal got along well, and Evan was closer to Gina than Sal, which was understandable. Evan couldn’t take Sal’s gruffness sometimes. There were a few emails that Tommy glanced at before dismissing them. Then he pulled up Evan’s thread. He scrolled back to look at the last day of messages to remind himself that Evan supported him. He had actually never felt so supported in his life, and he tried to be the same for Evan.

Tommy messaged that he was on his way home. Then he laid his phone down in the cradle and turned on his music, the truck’s Bluetooth picking it up when he got it started, and the sound came from the speakers as Tommy backed out of his spot and headed home.

He was halfway there when Tommy realized that their talking about his place was always about home. Even Evan said that it was home. That was something that Tommy knew he felt, but he was happy that Evan liked his place. Evan’s loft was vastly different, but Tommy wondered if that was because Evan never felt really happy there. I had been picked out with a different kind of thought of life. It was a stepping stone until something else came along. He was hopeful that the house was a place where Evan could be happy with him for a while.

Evan was still in his Jeep when Tommy turned onto his street. He could see him there, and he laughed when pulling in beside him, scaring Evan. He jumped and lowered his phone. Tommy grabbed his work back and opened his door to get out. Evan looked good, with a smile on his face and a look that was just for Tommy. Tommy went over to him and pulled him in with his free arm and kissed him.

“How was it really?” Evan asked, his gaze moving over Tommy’s face as he asked the question, as if Evan was looking for something.

“Really good. I mean it. Linda thinks so as well, and this time, I didn’t have a caveat about being happy when she asked me at the end. I’ll start to see her every two weeks. I’ll get the schedule based on my schedule that I have shared with her assistant over the next few days.

“I’m glad. I’m really glad. We had a hell of a first day back for you at Harbor and Eddie to work again.”

“Yeah, that was a hell of a day, but it was a good one. It reminded me of why I love this job, even though it sucks.” Tommy kissed Evan’s forehead, and he turned them to head inside. He was going to do his level best to get Evan to live there soon, starting from there every day at the 118 and sleeping in the same bed every single night when they were not working. It was a hell of a plan, and it was going to work. He knew it. They had passed the worst hurdles, and they could handle the ones that life was going to throw at them next.

The End