Malicious Compliance – 3 – Hazel

Reading Time:
25 Minutes

Seven:

“Who knew babies needed so much?” he asked aloud as he stacked blankets and clothes and cloth that folded into diapers like fabric origami.

Rodney snorted from where he sat typing away as Eliza stared at the animated mobile Zelenka had made her.  “A lot of my minions and quite a few of your Marines based on how many of them brought stuff to give her.”

John nodded tiredly.  “And all the stuff that’s more for me than her.  After all, I really don’t think she’ll care about the new bottle sanitation rig or the fancy Ancient laundry unit.”  He waved back towards the short hall that led to the kitchen.

“Well, not everyone can manage to find baby stuff without an illustrated catalogue.”  McKay’s sarcasm was only matched by the smug little grin he shot the half dozen Alteran toys he’d unearthed and cleared for use over the last two weeks.

He couldn’t even argue since despite her visual focus on the mobile, Eliza still hadn’t let go of the improvised baby rattle Rodney had made her.  As if thinking about it had renewed her interest, the baby started pounding the rattle on the ground with a warbling cry he had eventually learned meant she was hungry.

They both moved without thought, John scooping her up as Rodney headed to put together a bottle.  He bounced her lightly to keep her cries from turning to screams before his lover returned with her next meal.  They just barely made it, the bottle arriving seconds before she started pitching a true fit.

Sheppard gave him a thankful smile as he situated her but Rodney just leaned over, pressing their shoulders together as he made faces at the baby. They both sat quietly, leaning against one another as she finished her bottle.  It took longer than it used to since her portions had grown with her.

“Teyla mentioned Versha again.”  John couldn’t quite hide a slight grimace as he spoke.  A quick glance told him he wasn’t the only one still uncomfortable with the idea of the young Athosian mother acting as a wet nurse for Eliza, no matter her having agreed to undergoing a full health check with Beckett.

“Based on how much Eliza is eating and projecting her intake for the next nine days, assuming her appetite increases at the same pace it has been, we have just enough formula left to get her through until the Daedalus arrives.”

They both grimaced again, though John wasn’t sure if the other man was expressing his distaste for the idea of the ship’s arrival or if he was just still upset that the expedition had packed so much baby formula when he’d been so grievously limited in how much coffee he’d been allowed to pack.  Before he could ask, his adorable baby belched loudly in his arms and they were both springing to their feet.

“Your guys deserve like three desserts a day in the mess,” Rodney stated as John quickly tossed her clothes and his shirt in the lovely new laundry unit his officers had gifted him with.

He huffed a reply and glared at the wall unit as he silently told it to sanitize the small load.  When he’d gotten back into the living room, he resettled himself with the baby without bothering to redress either of them.

John could feel the weight of Rodney’s gaze.  “Enjoying the show?”

“Of course not,” he immediately responded, deadpan.  “Why would I enjoy the sight of the most attractive asshole on the whole city sprawled out shirtless with an adorable baby on his chest?”

Despite the suggestive question, a closer look showed that the scientist was starting to frown.  Rolling carefully to the side, he gently lowered the baby to the soft leather play mat that Teyla had given her a few hours before.  McKay watched him with increasing melancholy.

“Rodney.”  The man leaned into his touch when John reached out, but didn’t burrow back into him the way he usually did when they sat together in private.

“Nine days.”

“Yeah,” Sheppard agreed.  Nine days until his replacement would be there.  Nine days until he’d be leaving.

He sighed and pushed the little light-up toy closer to her.  It looked strangely familiar for all that it was over 10,000 years old.  Unlike most Alteran tech it had big clunky buttons of varying textures.  The number of things Rodney and the other scientists had been able to find in the database and on the city that were geared towards early childhood had surprised him at first.  But as Rodney had pointed out, if there was anything the Ancients would have reason not to skimp on, it would probably be mental development.

When it was close enough, she grabbed hold and started banging her other fist on it with a squeal.  The two sat in silence for several minutes, watching her play happily and trying not to think about the ticking time bomb that was the upcoming arrival of the Daedalus.  Obviously, they both failed.

“Did you get any details about the schedule beyond what day they’ll get here?”

John shrugged, forcing himself to stay as calm as nonchalant as possible as he gently grabbed hold of one of Eliza’s feet and pretended to eat it until she squealed and kicked her legs.  “They’ll arrive January twelfth.  They’ve allotted a day to unload supplies and one to get Ellis settled in new quarters.  Command of the troops here officially changes hand on the fifteenth.  Which is the same day we’ll be headed back to Earth.  We should arrive there around the fifth of February.”

McKay slumped, stretching out one leg to poke at him with his foot.  “Ellis.  Why’d they have to send him?  He’s such a little prick.”  His voice lowered, pout audible in the words that followed.  “Probably has a little prick.”

It was impossible to hold in a little laugh.  He smiled when Eliza giggled back at him, waving her arms and almost smacking him in the face with the toy she was still holding as he leaned forward to tickle her under the chin.

He ducked out of the way quickly because the last thing he needed was to have to go to the infirmary because his ten-week-old brained him with a toy.  If for no other reason than he didn’t want to give Carson an excuse to ask for yet another sample of blood.  The doctor had been enough of a vampire with both him and Eliza and they still had a final med check to go through before boarding the Daedalus.

The foot nudged his leg again harder.  “Careful.  That fluffy mess only provides so much padding.”

John gave her one more tickle and then leaned back, rearranging himself so he was pressed firmly against his lover from shoulder to hip.  “Maybe you’ll get luck and he’ll spend all his time having a tiny dick measuring contest with Weir and he won’t get in your way at all.”

One elbow jabbed his side with Rodney crossed his arms.  “He better not get in my way.  I have science to do.  Now that the platform’s location has been confirmed, we need to finish reviewing the plans Miko found for the geothermal platform so we can start repairs as soon as we arrive.  And it’s not like moving the city again is going to be child’s play.  There’s a lot to monitor and if the last move was any indication, there’ll be something to repair once we start moving.”

The rant continued for a few more minutes and provided just as much entertainment as Eliza did as she appeared to play herself to sleep.  Her movements became slower and her noises quieter as he watched until she was nodding off on the play mat.

The ranting recitation of all the many things that Ellis was not allowed to interfere with came to a halt at about the same time the baby did.  John continued to watch them both in amusement until Rodney looked up and noticed his one-man audience.

McKay glared even as his cheeks darkened with a ridiculously attractive blush.  The scientist stood with a huff of irritation that turned into a groan as his body seemed to remind him how long they’d been sitting on the floor.  Rodney made his way over to the bag of his stuff that had moved into the suite alongside all of John’s possessions.

“I’m taking a shower.”

John grinned a little and started to ask if he needed any help with that, but his lover beat him to it.  “Put the baby to bed.  I have plans for when I’m done.”

John grinned wider, getting to his feet with as much of a hurry as he could, and very gently picked up his nearly sleeping daughter.  He held her for a minute, rocking her gently until she was completely asleep, then settled her very, very carefully into her basket.  When he was sure she wasn’t going to wake back up, he turned down the bed and got undressed, making a few plans of his own.

Eight:

McKay continued to cuddle the baby.  John wanted to sigh, to complain, to say that Eliza had to go into her carry basket because it was time to go.  But the sight of his lover with Eliza held firmly against his chest and his face nearly buried in her sparse black hair was one Sheppard was trying his very best to memorize.

John moved closer, wrapping one arm around Rodney’s hunched shoulders and placing his other hand on the back of his daughter’s head.  Rodney leaned into his chest with a heavy sigh.  He pulled back from her sweet-smelling hair but kept his gaze on her as he spoke.

“I know.  Teyla and Conan will be here any minute.”

John closed his eyes at the sadness in his lover’s voice.  He pressed a kiss to the side of Rodney’s head and sat there, breathing him in the same way Rodney had done with Eliza.  Neither moved until the door chimed.

Slowly, they pulled away from each other and McKay settled the baby in her carry basket with a few last tickles to her belly that sent her into a giggle fit.  There was a sad smile on his face when the man stood and it turned down into a sad frown as John placed on hand on Rodney’s shoulder and wrapped the other around the back of his neck.

He rubbed his thumb against the soft skin behind Rodney’s ear for several seconds before leaning in and kissing him.  “I’m coming back.  We both are,” he whispered in what he hoped was a confident voice.

Rodney just nodded and said nothing.  Another chime at the door finally forced them apart and John leaned down to pick up Eliza’s basket.  He didn’t get anything else before going to the door.  He didn’t need to.  All his belongings and the things of Eliza’s that he could bring to Earth had already been loaded onto the Daedalus an hour before when he’d passed command of the city’s military to Colonel Ellis.

Teyla was somber when the door slid open.  Ronon was obviously pissed, as he had been since he’d been told John was to be reassigned.  He gave them each a nod, but they’d said their goodbyes when they’d shared breakfast that morning.  So AR-1 strode silent from his small suite.

There were more soldiers littering the halls than normal and every single one they passed stopped and saluted.  The gateroom when they arrived was filled with his officers, NCO’s, and what looked like every enlisted man and woman that hadn’t been in the crowded hallways.

Weir and Ellis were waiting for him in the large empty space in front of the gate in a way that looked both staged and rather dramatic.  John walked towards them calm and confident, trying not to react when every soldier in the room snapped to attention at his arrival.

He exchanged a few short but polite words with the expedition leader and the new CO.  Rondey, Teyla, and Ronon stopped a few feet behind him.  When the perfunctory farewells were completed, he turned to face his former team and his former troops.  Every military member outside Ellis himself moved in perfect coordination as they saluted.

John swallowed, set down the baby basket and picked up Eliza.  Teyla stepped forward and then back, taking the basket with her.  There was a standard car seat on the Daedalus for him to use, though he had packed her sleeping basket in case she didn’t like the portable crib that was also supposed to be onboard.

Ellis stood ramrod straight a few feet away, face tight as he contacted the Daedalus and told them Sheppard was ready to be transported to the ship.  Weir looked smug if a little irritated at his side.

John just calmly adjusted his baby in his left arm and when he had her secure against his chest, he looked up and over the men and women he’d commanded for a year and a half.  Each and every one of them was still at attention, still saluting.  With a deep breath, John Sheppard gave his team a sharp nod and just before the bright light of the transporter took him from the city.

—-

His daughter did not like the cold.  She made distinct sounds of her displeasure as the car pulled up in front of them.  “I know, sweetheart, we’ll be inside soon,” he told her, shooting the Airman a grateful smile as he stepped forward from his post to open the cab door for him.  Eliza whimpered again at the gust of cold wind and John wondered again if the winter clothes and fleece blanket were enough.

He got them both situated and confirmed their destination with the driver as quickly as he could.  Since both the Daedalus and the mountain were closed, controlled environments with little to no view of the outside world, stepping out into the clear but very brisk Colorado weather was something of a shock to the system even at midday.  Thank fuck for the scary efficiency of Sgt. Walter Harriman.

John freed one of her arms from the blanket so she could latch her whole hand on his index finger as she was wont to do when she was uncomfortable.  He leaned forward and smiled down at her pinched face.  “We should send him a thank you present, shouldn’t we?”

She grunted in response, but he took it for agreement and made a mental note to do something to show the organizational superpower of Cheyenne Mountain how much he appreciated having their transportation to Dulles already arranged when he’d finally escaped his debrief and been able to officially start his parental leave.

He didn’t even care how much this ride to Denver was going to cost him because it was hell and gone better to catch a three hour direct flight to Washington rather than endure the six or seven hour ordeal that would have resulted from flying out of Colorado Springs.  Though he did take a moment to miss transporters, because he couldn’t imagine the plane was going to be pleasant for anyone considering Eliza’s age and complete unfamiliarity with Earth-side travel.

John rubbed his thumb lightly over her fist where it maintained its death grip on his finger despite the fact that she was already fast asleep.  He let himself slump back in his seat and let out a tired sigh.  At least she didn’t mind the car.

“Tuckered out, is she?”

The driver’s voice prompted him to sit back up a little straighter.  “Yeah.  It’s been a long few days.”  Which was an understatement, but he could hardly tell the guy about the horrors that had been his extensive if dismissive debrief with Landry and the IOA.

The driver made a sympathetic noise.  “Well, we should be at the airport in about an hour.  Should be a fairly smooth ride, but let me know if she needs the heat adjusted.  I’ve got some classical music and some ocean sounds on my ipod that helps my son sleep in the car too, if you’re interested.”

Eliza hadn’t been exposed to much music other than his singing Johnny Cash to her sometimes.  But there wasn’t really anywhere on Atlantis that didn’t have the natural backdrop of the ocean.  “Thank you.  She might like the ocean sounds, actually, if that’s not a problem.”

“No problem at all,” the driver insisted as he confidently selected something on his ipod onehanded without looking away from the road.

The soft sound of crashing waves filled the car moments later and the grip on his finger seemed to loosen just a little.  His shoulders dropped at the reaction and John gave a tired smile at the rearview mirror.  “Thanks, I think that’ll help.”

The driver repeated that it was no problem and proceeded to drive in silence the entire rest of the trip.

Less than an hour and a half later, Eliza was still sleeping, and they were both checked in for their flight.  She was awake and clearly not thrilled with her accommodations by the time they boarded, however.  He got as many side-eyes as he’d expected when having a young baby on a plane, but his fatigues and flat stare keep the Karens on the flight from saying anything outright.

That was probably also helped by the fact that even unhappy, Eliza kept the crying to a minimum.  Still, he breathed a sigh of relief when he exited the Dulles airport with his baby and his luggage four hours after takeoff.  The cold but bright Virginia day was as welcomed by them both as the brisk weather in Colorado, and unlike at the mountain, he had to arrange transportation himself so the process of getting a car at the airport’s car rental lot.

A quick diaper change and a bottle warmed under the hot tap of the airport bathroom did little to improve her mood.  She fussed the entire drive to McLean and John spent as much time asking himself if he should change his uniform or put Eliza in her headband or a cuter outfit as he did trying in vain to calm her from the driver’s seat.

“Not a fan of the chauffer treatment, huh?” he asked as lightheartedly as he could once they’d parked and he was able to go to the back seat to get her out.

Eliza waved both hands with an indignant whine when he entered her eyeline for the first time in almost half an hour.  “Is this attitude natural, or have you been picking up too many tips on how to express yourself from your Uncle Rodney?”  She squawked and waved her fist in the air.  “Yeah, we’re blaming McKay for that one.”

He unbuckled the car seat a little slower than strictly necessary, but told himself he was just being careful.  Careful only bought him about a minute, though, so after arranging her blanket and tickling a less disgruntled expression out of her, John took her all the way out of the car.  The slam of the car door felt ominous as he turned to face the front door of his childhood home.

It was nearly 7pm on a Tuesday but for all that his father had been a bit of a work-a-holic, the retired Navy man had been home by 6:00 every single evening.  There was no reason to think there would be no answer but he still held his breath as he gave the door three solid knocks.

He could hear footsteps within twenty seconds, and it took little effort to picture his father making his easy through the office he’d always kept just off the front hall.  The experienced military officer in him whispered perimeter defense, but as a kid he’d always just thought his father was controlling and nosy putting his office so close to the entrance of the house.

John had just enough time to square his shoulders before the door opened to reveal the father he hadn’t spoken to in eleven years.  Patrick Sheppard had a lot more grey hair than he remembered but the stern and confident mien of a retired Admiral was all too familiar.  That lasted about two seconds before the man blinked and leaned back with an expression of disbelief.

“John?”

He took a deep breath, then swallowed hard before giving a short, sharp nod.  “Hi Dad.”

Nine:

He’d rarely seen his father look shocked, but it was clear in his face for several seconds before he started to visibly gather himself.  Then Eliza made a noise and Patrick Sheppard looked so thrown he actually took half a step back.  The former Admiral turned the stumble into an actual step and waved John into the house as if that was what he’d meant to do all along.

Tightening his grip on the car seat, he stepped into the house that still looked painfully familiar despite the fact that he hadn’t been inside it since the day after he’d told his father he joined the Air Force at eighteen.  Silence reigned as his father closed the door and led them into the formal living room.  John sat when Patrick gestured at the sofa, setting the car seat beside himself and then turning it so he and Eliza could see each other.

“Hey, who was at the-” The arrival of his brother David broke the silence for just a moment before he too seemed to be at a loss for words when he saw John.  The first sound the other Sheppard son made was a choked gasp when he looked at the baby.

Figuring it was going to be up to him, John took a deep breath.  “This is Eliza.”  He cleared his throat and didn’t try to meet their gazes.  They were staring at the baby anyway.  “Eliza Grace Sheppard.  My daughter.”

He paused, waiting for the demands for an explanation, the indignant expressions of his irresponsibility.  Nothing.  He wished yet again that Rodney was with him.  For many reasons, not the least of which was that the man was always able to fill the silence.

His father finally responded, but he didn’t speak.  Patrick instead turned and walked briskly across the room to the small bar and poured himself a drink.  He took a large sip, topped it off, poured two more and walked more slowly to the empty couch across from John.  When all three drinks had been distributed, the Sheppard patriarch put both hands on his knees and looked at his estranged son.

“Where-  When did-”  That was apparently all he could manage, but John could extrapolate.

“Her mother,” he stumbled briefly over the word, not sure if he was referring to the machine, the unknown Alteran woman’s DNA, or the city itself, “is gone.  We met on the base where I’ve been stationed.  It’s a very remote posting and contact is unreliable at best.  I just got back stateside a couple days ago but I’ve been in mission debrief.  My parental leave started this morning.”

More silence, broken only when Eliza started to struggle against the blanket he’d wrapped her in.  Reaching in, he unbuckled the car seat and extracted her from the soft fleece.  She calmed as soon as he rested her against his chest.

Surely one of them would chime in eventually.

“I thought about calling before we left Petterson, but it wasn’t even 1300 and,” John shrugged, patting Eliza on the back when the motion made her fuss, “honestly, I wasn’t sure if you’d take the call.”

Patrick closed his eyes briefly and finished his drink in one long swallow.  “Do you have a place of your own.  Barracks obviously aren’t an option.”

“My current duty station is in Colorado but I haven’t made any arrangements yet.”

Patrick’s hands flexed on his knees.  “You’re staying active duty, then?”

The sudden tension in the room told him he wasn’t the only one who automatically thought about the last rather explosive conversation between John and Patrick before they’d stopped speaking to each other.  At that point, the insistence that he resign his commission and work at Sheppard Industries had far exceeded John’s tolerance.

The expectation that he take over the position his mother had held in R&D for the family company had been clear since his first IQ test in junior high.  His mother had worked there since before they married and his father had taken the reigns of the business from his father when he inherited it shortly before retiring from the Navy.

David, the golden child, had graduated with a business degree like their dad wanted and had been willingly groomed to take Patrick’s place since the age of fifteen.  John had been expected to study science or engineering and follow in his mother’s footsteps.

That expectation had only gotten stronger after she died.  But John had joined the Air Force and gotten a math degree on the military’s dime to avoid owing his father a damn thing.  He’d resented and refused and avoided his dad’s influence and interference in his education and career every step of the way.

John glanced down at his daughter to avoid any possible eye contact as he processed the irony that the entire reason he was there was to use his father’s influence and connections to his advantage.  When he looked back up he could see his father mirroring his prior position, eyes locked fast on the stained-glass lamp sitting on the side table.  David, however, was staring directly at John with that familiar clenched jaw and obstinate head tilt that said he was ready to spring furiously to their father’s defense when the fight started.

Whether because of the mounting tension, the long hectic day, or merely coincidence, Eliza chose that moment to start her hungry warble.  Ignoring both other men, John shifted her so he could pat her back and bounce her a little to keep her calm while he fished her bottle and formula out of the satchel he’d been using as a diaper bag.

“I just need to mix her up a meal and warm it for her.  She refused her bottle when we were waiting for the rental car so it’s been longer than normal since she ate.”  He stood and nodded towards the bathroom in the hall with as politely questioning a manner as he could.  “I can just run it under some hot water in the sink if that’s okay.”

“Of course,” his dad said, a little more insistent than necessary but without any sign of irritation.

Eliza started to cry a little louder, so John headed towards the bathroom with her and the supplies only for his dad to cut in with an offer to hold her while he made the bottle.  John hesitated a moment, but if he could leave her with Dr. Lam while he was in debrief surely he could do this.  Patrick looked a little surprised when he agreed and started to pass her over, but the former Admiral quickly gathered her close and swayed a little on his feet as if it had been no time at all since he and David had been babies.

Setting that jarring image aside, John hurried into the bathroom to mix and warm the bottle.  When he returned, David was half scrolling his phone and half watching their father baby-talk to Eliza on the other couch.  The brothers exchanged stoic expressions of disbelief for just a moment before John made it to Patrick and Eliza, holding out his arms for the fussy little girl.

“I can feed her if you want,” his dad offered.

John blinked, then showed him how she liked it positioned before handing over the bottle and stepping back.  When he returned to the couch he’d been on before, David dropped onto the other end.  Both brothers watched Patrick become completely absorbed in the baby almost instantly, the rest of the room quiet but less tense than it had been.

“How old is she?”

He looked over at his brother.  “She turned 15 weeks on Saturday.”

David took a sip of his drink, swallowing slowly as if buying time.  “I wouldn’t have told him.”

John took a deep breath, because David hadn’t told their father about his black mark either but he was still the reason Patrick found out and tried yet again to stick his foot into John’s military career.  There was a reason that John had stopped talking to his brother, and it wasn’t just that the man kept trying to convince him to forgive their dad while still barely acknowledging that anything Patrick had done was fucked up.

The lack of response seemed to rub David the wrong way, since his back straightened and his grip tightened on his glass.  His voice, when he spoke was painfully neutral though John was pretty sure he meant the words as an indirect olive branch.

“Looks like dad has a new favorite.”

He couldn’t hold back the short, slightly bitter laugh.

David set the glass down on the side table and crossed his arms.  “What?”

John shook his head.  “The first thing I’ve done right since I was thirteen and it was a complete accident.”

David looked away, clearly wanting to defend their dad like always, but biting his tongue.  Tension built back up between them in a way that was so familiar, it was almost a tiny bit nostalgic.  That feeling was only strengthened when their silent standoff was broken by his father’s housekeeper announcing dinner.  And just like he remembered, Nadine didn’t so much as blink at the unexpected guests.  It made John want to laugh with actual humor, but he limited himself to a small nod at his father’s expectant face when the man asked if he was joining the family for the meal.

A last minute instruction to set another plate sent the housekeeper out of the room at her familiar efficient pace and it was only moments before they filed out of the room in her wake.  John hung back, pulling out a burp cloth and taking Eliza from a reluctant Patrick.  He paced and patted her back a little longer than normal, as much to made sure she wasn’t going to spit up at the table as to buy himself a few extra minutes alone.

Dinner in the Sheppard household had always been a semi-formal and entirely uncomfortable event and he wasn’t particularly looking forward to the stilted conversation or the overnight invitation that was sure to follow.  “This is what I came here for, right?”  Eliza gurgled into his shoulder.  “Right.  It’s silly to get worked up now.  It’s just dinner and a free room for the night.  No big deal.”

Even so, he didn’t rush through situating her back into her car seat and stopping in the bathroom to rinse her bottle before heading to the dining room.  It all looked so much like he remembered that John paid special attention to his baby’s burbles when he set her on an empty chair next to his seat just to keep himself firmly in the present.

He silently berated himself for being relieved when she started to fuss only half an hour later, but John could admit to himself that having the excuse of putting her to bed was a welcome respite.  His father obviously didn’t agree but also didn’t argue when he called Nadine to take them to the guest room that she had been preparing for him.

“Did you need anything for the baby tonight?” Nadine asked politely as they left the dining room.

“I have a few things in my rental for us, if you don’t mind waiting.”

“Of course, Mr. John.”  The childhood title was a surprise, since the woman hadn’t acted like she recognized him up to that point.

He smiled, then slipped quickly out the front door and gathered his duffle and the portable bassinet from the back seat before going back inside and following her up to the second floor.  “Thank you, Nadine.”  He smiled again when she paused, as though surprised that he remembered her name.

“You’re welcome.  Let us know if you or the little one need anything.”

“Eliza,” he said, turning the car seat so she was facing the housekeeper.  “Eliza Grace Sheppard.”

The normally stern woman smiled down at the baby, despite her fussy little noises.  “Goodnight, Miss Eliza.  Mr. John.”

He nodded.  “Goodnight, Nadine.”

Once she’d turned to leave, he let himself into the room and hurried to set up the bassinet and get Eliza changed for bed.  It was a little more work than usual since she was tired from a long day, but soon enough, she was rubbing her face into his chest and settling down.

“I know everything is strange and new and not quite right, but it’ll all be worth it baby, I promise.”  He rubbed her back and listened to his daughter snuffle as she slowly fell asleep.  “It’ll be worth it,” he whispered again, repeating it to himself as he laid her in the bassinet.

When they were both back on Atlantis with Rodney, it would all be worth it.