A Push in the Right Direction – Chapter 5 – emersli1!

Reading Time:
7 Minutes

Severus’s next thought was that the air smelled like nothing he’d ever experienced before, even in his beloved mountain home.

He opened his eyes to find himself on a grassy hilltop, looking down into a rolling valley.  A small stream coursed nearby, and a copse of trees edged the hill away to the other side.

He was so confused it took him a moment to realize he wasn’t alone.  Looking behind him, Severus was surprised to see Lily Potter, standing in front of James.  James looked sheepish, and Lily looked sorrowful.  Severus hated to see that look on her face, so he tried to smile at her.

“Oh Sev!  I’m so sorry!  And I forgive you, of course I do.  It wasn’t your fault.  We all know what you think of Divination.”  Lily threw herself into his arms for an exuberant hug.  “And I can’t believe Dumbledore would do something so … so … awful!”

“Lils, “ Severus began, a lump in his throat to actually be holding his best friend again.  “I tried so hard to warn you.  I’m so sorry…”

“Yeah, that was down to me, mate.”  James Potter joined the conversation.  “Chalk it up to foolish pride, or male posturing, or whatever.  Lily has certainly had a few names for it over the past year.  But you did what you could.  And while we’re on the subject of apologizing…”

The man cleared his throat and looked Severus in the eyes with sincerity in his own.  “One thing about dying, it really clarifies some things.  I was horrible to you, for no better reason than that I could be.  I could blame the adults around me, and I do, but ultimately, I knew the way I treated you was wrong.  I just liked the way it made me feel, which is ugly and frankly horrible to have to realize.”

“Probably the greatest sin of my life was the torture I visited on you for years.  My irrational prejudice against you.  And in the end, I paid for it, not only with my life, but with the life of my wife as well.  I swore,” Here the man grinned a little.  “Well, honestly, I swore a lot at the beginning… but I swore that as soon as you got here, I was going to apologize.  I was a jackass.  I was wrong.  I’m sorry, and I hope someday you can forgive me.  I do wish it had taken you a little longer to arrive though.  My apology would have been a lot better with a little more time to work on it.”

Severus found himself charmed, almost against his will.  “There was wrong on both sides in the end.  I think you have more to forgive.”

“Severus, this is not a competition.  Honestly!  We forgive you.  We hope you can forgive us.  But Sev, whether you can forgive us or not … we need to ask you for a huge favor.”  Lily looked at him with exasperation and hope mingling in her green eyes.

He was puzzled, but willing to listen.  “What favor can I do you, now?  Aren’t we all, well, dead?”

“Oh, James and I are definitely dead.  And I suppose technically you are too.  For right now, at least.  But you see, you died in the muggle world … and muggles don’t give up.  Right now, they’re shoving a tube down your throat to allow them to get air into your lungs while they’re pumping your chest to try to get your heart going again.  They’re going to succeed in that.”  Lily seemed convinced.

“But I don’t want them to save me.  There’s nothing waiting for me back there but a life of slavery, to one master or another.  And there wasn’t really much to choose between the two in the end.  Here I’m free.”  Severus was dismayed at the thought that this beautiful freedom might be taken away from him.

“There is something waiting for you.”  James spoke up.  “You know we had a son.  The prophecy was about him.  He’s fulfilled it, but Dumbledore will never believe that.   He’ll make our boy’s life a living hell, if someone doesn’t intervene.”

“And that’s assuming Petunia and Vernon don’t just kill him outright.”  Lily practically spit the words out, fury now crackling in her gaze.

Severus was shocked.  “Why in the world would you leave your child to Pet and that awful man she married?  Literally anyone would have been a better choice.  At least the Dark Lord would have killed him quickly.”

“We didn’t.  The twinkly old goat blocked our wills, named himself guardian, and sent our baby to live ‘where his mother’s blood dwells’.  Load of dragon dung that is, but all part of the mystique.”  James sounded disgusted, and Severus couldn’t blame him.  “We’re hoping that when you get back, you’ll take Harry.  Raise him as your own.  Blood adopt him if you like.  Whatever will protect him best.”

“Me?  I don’t know anything about children that age!  I could take him to Frank and Alice … or, what is up with Black anyway?  I was there when he got to your house, and I would swear he didn’t know you were dead until he saw your body.  How could he have betrayed you to Voldemort?”  Severus had wondered about Black when he was sent to Azkaban, but he had no trouble believing the man had murdered some muggles in his madness and grief over his losses.  But a lot of the pieces had never added up in his mind.

“Poor Sirius.  He wasn’t our Secret Keeper.  He never betrayed us.  We switched to Pettigrew in the end.  Dumbledore felt it would add another layer of protection, or so he said.  Pettigrew blew up those poor muggles and ran away into the sewers as a rat.  But Sirius never even got a trial.”  Lily was obviously heart-broken over the maddening man’s fate.

Severus sighed, feeling his freedom slipping away bit by bit, stripped from him this time not for power or control, but love.  The love of these people for their child.  For their friend.  His love for his friend.  All combining in a perfect storm.

“Alright.  I’m not sure what kind of parent I’ll be, but I’ll definitely be better than Petunia.  And I’ll try to figure some way to get Sirius out.”  James and Lily both looked surprised at that.  “What?  I don’t like the man, but he doesn’t deserve to be in Azkaban for something he didn’t do.”

“You’d really rescue Siri?”  A different voice spoke up behind him, hesitantly hopeful.  “I didn’t want to ask… wasn’t going to ask, but …”

Severus sighed again, turning to face his first romantic love.  “Regulus.”  They had been boys, back at Hogwarts.  Boys from two very different walks of life, hiding in the shadows, stealing soft moments where they could.  What they had couldn’t last, not with the weight of the different paths they were expected to walk.  But it was soft and sweet, a brief moment of joy in two dark lives.

“Sev, I’m so sorry.  You were right about everything.  I should have run away like Siri, but I really didn’t have anywhere to go.”  Regulus had been doomed from his sorting.  Friends in Slytherin only lasted as long as they were useful.  If he had cut himself off from his family, he wouldn’t have been useful anymore.

“I understand, love.  I understood then.  It’s alright.  I never blamed you.  And I’ll try to save your annoying older brother if I can.  But Harry will have to come first.  He’s a child…”  Severus hoped Reg and James could understand that.  If he had to choose…

“Of course.  And Padfoot wouldn’t have it any other way.  He was absolutely devoted to Harry.”  James was certain of that.  And Regulus agreed.

“Sirius would never accept being saved at Harry’s expense.  He’d probably run off and do some stupid thing trying to rescue him on his own and make matters ten times worse.”  Regulus had loved his older brother, but he knew his failings well.

Severus began to feel a tug.  He was glad he’d had the opportunity to clear the air, and he had no idea how he’d accomplish his tasks, but for Lily and Regulus (and even James, blast it all!) he’d try.

“Remember who you are, my little raven.”  Another voice, one he’d missed since the day he watched her buried.  

“Mother.”  Severus turned to look at her, and almost didn’t recognize her.  In his lifetime, Eileen Snape had been a battered, impoverished woman who frequently went without in order to feed her child.  Here, she appeared as she had been meant to be.  Healthy and at peace, she buried him in a loving hug.

“Don’t forget.  Remember who you are.  I love you.  And I’ll be waiting for you, hopefully for a long, long time.”  Eileen wanted nothing more than for her boy to live a long, happy life before they met on this hilltop again.

“I’ll remember, Mother.  I love you too.”  The tug was growing harder, and suddenly something seemed to pop.

Severus spun away into the darkness.