Bouncing Baby Bat Chapter 1 – Bookworm810

Reading Time:
16 Minutes

Chapter 1

After so many years in the cowl, Bruce felt had long since mastered the art of keeping Bruce Wayne and Batman as separate entities. It was a balancing act at time, he could admit, but it was so important.

Afterall if it were ever revealed that Batman and Bruce Wayne were the same person the damage it could cause would be catastrophic. Even if he could avoid being arrested for vigilantism and all over crime associated with such (something that was probably a toss up these days, depending on various factors such as how recently he saved the world, what politicians were in office, possibly the phases of the moon, etc etc), the danger his family would forever after be in would be immense. With all the enemies their family had made over the years, the whole Wayne family and most likely their closest associates would never know peace and safety again. They would have to send the rest of their live in hiding under new identities, but with who well known their civilian personas are, even that would likely not work for long in this new digital age. Of course there was the also the flip side where various actions of Brucie Wayne might also come back to haunt him and call doubt to Batman’s integrity. But compared to the danger to his family this was not a true concern to the cape crusader. Just another small note in the hundred page document why he and his children must never let anyone outside of the Bat Family^TM (trademarked by one Dick Greyson years ago, Bruce still wasn’t sure how and when his eldest got legal branding on that) know who they were under the masks. His children might grumble at times, but Bruce was certain that they also understood. At least they followed his directives in this and had yet to tell any of their assorted teammates their identities yet. Bruce supposed it was the most he could ask from his wonderful if exhausting brood of young heroes.

It no doubt helped his case that Bruce was not a hypocrite in this. The Justice League after all still did not know his own identity. Yes, it did make him feel a little bad at times that he had been able to deduce the vast majority of the League’s alter egos years ago – Captain Marvel was still annoyingly secret, it was like the man simply disappeared when not in costume. No Alfred, he was not obsessed about this. It simply irritated him slightly that after three years, countless hours of research, a few bat drones lost in Fawcett city and immeasurable cups of coffee Bruce was still unable to put a name with the face. He was not obsessed at all, he could quit looking anytime he wanted. Bruce simply wanted to stop looking after he discovered Marvel’s true  identity. So there – and they had no idea who he was. It did make things a little lonely at time, especially when he overheard his friends colleagues discussing their latest civilian get together that Batman never got invited too. But that was fine. He didn’t really want to go anyway. He had his own civilian friends he could hang out with! Well, okay he had various socialites who thought he was an airhead and swarmed him at galas like a flock of hungry seagulls after his chips aka bank account. They weren’t so bad. And Harvey, he was a great friend once and with how well he was doing with his latest round of therapy he could be again. Two-Face had only broken out of Arkham twice in the last three months after all. So much progress, Bruce was so proud of him. And then there was Lucius, well actually no better not bother Lucius just yet. The CEO was still annoyed at Bruce blowing off the last four broad meetings. Lucius would probably just try to give Bruce even more paperwork if he showed his face at Wayne Enterprises right now. Anyway, it was fine, Bruce didn’t join the Justice League to make friends after all. The Justice League was important to keeping the world safe, and keeping the world safe was important to keeping Bruce’s family safe. That was what was truly important.

Even if it would be nice if Bruce got an invite to the BBQ once in a while.

Anyway, the point was that Bruce was rather successful in keeping his two lives separate for the most part. However, even still there were moments there was some… overlap. Unfortunately for Bruce, today he was forced to endure one of those things he was made to suffer through in both lives.

“Thank you all for coming. We are here today to discuss…”

Press Conferences, Bruce had long ago come to the conclusion, were a cruel form of phycological torture that should have been made illegal long ago. Sadly, the rest of the world seemingly did not agree with Bruce on this. Instead, the universe deemed fit to ensure that whether in the cowl or out of it, Bruce would never be able to escape such things as long as he lived. It was bad enough that he had to attend so many for Wayne Enterprises. At least that he could grudgingly accept. It was his family’s legacy after all, not to mention the thing that allowed him to fund Batman. But ever since he’d joined the Justice League Bruce has been required to attend even more of the dreaded things as Batman as well. Why Batman’s presence is required at these things, Bruce does not know. When asked Superman d=gave some rambling speech about the trust people had in Batman, and how relived people were to see him standing there with the rest of the heroes. Tt, as his youngest would say. The whole thing made Bruce long for the day when Batman was still an urban myth. How on earth the Dark Knight of Gotham had become a symbol of hope to people Bruce would never understand. He would think Superman was making it up because he did not want to suffer along if he did not have the baffling knowledge that Superman aka Clark Kent seemed to actually like press conferences. It was enough to make him question the alien’s sanity, really. Thankfully as far as Bruce could tell the rest of the League agreed Bruce on the evil of the press, albeit to a lesser, much lesser in some cases, extent. Bruce would be far more worried about the fate of the world if the rest of the League shared Superman’s strange fondness for cameras flashing in your face while the pressed yelled stupid questions over each other.

“That is an excellent question, allow me to answer…”

There were some differences between attending a press conference as Bruce Wayne and attending one as Batman, it must be said. Both were horrible in their own ways, of course, but when they were two very different experiences.

As Bruce, press conferences almost always took place in front of WE and were about the business. Sometimes he would have to appear at city hall stand behind the Gotham mayor or some other politician as so-and-so new program funded the Martha Wayne Foundation was starting. However, those were rare, and getting rarer now that Jason had taken over as the head of the foundation (was he a horrible father for being glad his second son was suffering in his place? Maybe, but in his defence that was what the boy got for laughing at him. And for stealing the last of Alfred’s cookies that was clearly meant for Bruce), and when he did have to attend them he could gladly pass the majority of onto the politicians who were strangely happy be given more of the spotlight. Either way, as Bruce or more accurately as Brucie, Bruce could get out of having to actually answer too many questions. With his reputation as a loveable airhead so firmly settled in people’s minds reporters aren’t looking for eloquent answers from him, they are looking for a photogenic smile and the possible scandal gossip they could ‘trick’ him out of. This allowed Bruce to quite happily direct most of the attention to whomever is unlucky enough to be standing next to  Bruce that day. This in itself is a risky prospect as the two most likely to with Bruce at a press conference are Lucius and Tim who both have ways of getting revenge on Bruce for throwing them to the wolves. For Lucius, vast amounts of paperwork and extra meetings suddenly appearing in his calendar that Alfred is oh so conveniently cc’d in on. Thank you so much Lucius. Tim was even worse, his third son was a genius stealth expert, high level hacker, and gremlin extraordinaire. The ways Tim had and would no doubt continue to get revenge was vast, unpredictable and unstoppable. Bruce could only be glad he got to Tim and trained him as a hero, he was certain there was no way Bruce or indeed the world would survive should the boy ever decide to become a villain. Hopefully Bruce would be able to continue to avoid such a fate as long as Tim continued to receive the support of a loving family and all the coffee a multi-billionaire could provide (the coffee was probably more vital, in all honestly. That time Stephanie switched Tim coffee to decaf as a prank? terrifying). Even with these sanity saving measures, press conferences in Gotham continued to the bane of his civilian life. From the flashing lights – really with all the ever increasing technology in the world, they still needed to blind him on order to get a semi-decent picture – to the deliberately stupid question that he is obligated to give stupid answers to. They were decidedly his least favourite part of being Brucie Wayne.

“While I understand your concern, let me assure you that…”

With the Justice League however, press conferences were a decidedly different beast. He was in his Batman uniform. While that was an extremely obvious observation, Bruce knew, it was also one that had a much bigger impact than it first appeared. The thing people who had never worn the suit (the entire world save him and a few of his children on rare occasions) was the suit was hot. In it’s natural environment, aka late at night in often rainy always cloudy Gotham city, the suit was comfortably warm and insulating against the chill of flying through the air after various criminals. Standing in broad daylight while reporters continue an endless barrage of questions? Pure sweaty torture. The questions he gets as Batman are vastly different from the ones he gets as Brucie. The questions Batman gets are few, thankfully, but they are often the most complicated of the while press conference, requiring long considered answers. No getting out of these with a joke or deflection to one of his colleagues, the reports are all hanging onto his every word like they are gospel. So annoying, having to talk so much, Gotham reports never expect so much from him. Flash photography is an unfortunately common factor with both press conferences, and sadly the Batsuit’s designed to improve night vision not to save Bruce’s eyes from stupid photographers. He should probably do something about that one of these days, but there are so many other important improvements constantly being made to the suit that he keeps forgetting until he’s being blinded by another of these torture sessions.

But the worst of it all in Bruce’s mind is how damn long the Justice League press conferences can and do go on for. In Gotham It’s simple, one or two topics then done and they all go home. Here, even if the conference is called for one singular topic reporters apparently consider it open season on heroes and will jump to whatever topic they wish at random ensuring that the League is effectively trapped at the reporters’ no-existent mercy for hours at a time. It was enough to make Bruce almost wish for an alien invasion or something. Anything to get out of here.

It was even worse when Bruce was stuck in a press conference that had no real purpose. Such as this one.

“The Justice League is of course happy to continue to support..”

Bruce glared at the back of the man responsible for todays’ torture. Damn Clark for scheduling this short notice, completely unneeded event. At least the majority of League press conferences were set to address certain important topics, like reassuring people after global disasters, or when they opened the new Justice League hotline. Reporters never truly stuck to said topics, but at least the League could try to direct the questions. Today however was one of Clark’s worst ideas that he somehow got the support to pull off. Open press conferences to ‘allow the public to address any concerns they have, to help them believe that we are here only to help them’. No time limit, no real restrictions on questions (through the look on Diana’s face when that one idiot asked about her sex life the first time Clark had made them do this was priceless, and had at least kept that topic from coming up again), no mercy. Bruce low key hated Clark for these.

Why did the man he overwise respected keep making him do this?

“Would like to hear your opinion, Superman.”

“Well, Lois, you see…”

‘Oh right, that’s why.’ Bruce thought with a thankfully internal grimace. ‘His ex still has him by the balls.’

A decade ago, Clark Kent and Lois Lane were the it couple of the journalism world. There partnership both personal and professional was talked about far and wide. Now, they were still both highly respected in their field and their professional relationship was as strong as ever but their personal lives had very definitively gone separate ways. Everything had changed that day nine years and eight months ago when a normal workday at the Daily Planet was interrupted by sounds of fey bells as the world’s newest wish baby was dropped directly on one Clark Kent. And only Clark.

Apparently when Lois and Clark got together and became serious it was with the understanding that there would be no children between the two. And while they both meant it at the time, it turns out they had vastly different reasons why they were thinking that. Turns out that thinking you can never have children because you are an alien of a functionally extinct race who would be highly unlikely to be compatible with humans, and being child free by choice in order to give all your attention to your career are not the same thing at all. Especially when fey get involved. So while Clark was busy being amazed by the little miracle that was Jon Kent being literally dropped into his arms, Lois was across the room quietly panicking and trying to think of a way out of the relationship without becoming the bad guy.

It was a messy time for the two, but eventually they worked their way to the point that they allegedly consider each other good friends again. Bruce wasn’t sure how, honestly, but maybe his views was tainted by the fact that so many of his ex’s have ended up as his rouges. Or started as his rouges, either or. Regardless, the two somehow remained close enough that when Lois was having a  slow work week she was able to manipulate Clark into having another of these damn conferences in order to give her something to write. Hence Bruce’s steaming resentment of the two.

Bruce truly hoped that Clark wasn’t still holding a torch for the woman. While being childless was a valid choice (albeit one that father of six Bruce found rather inconceivable himself), it was not one that was conductive to Clark’s own circumstances.

“One more follow up question, Superman? What about the rumours of…”

By all the gods and goddess’s and whatever other higher powers are out there, what has Bruce done to deserve this? He can see he is far from the only one who is quickly approaching their absolute limit. Green Arrow and strung, unstrung and restrung his bow six time in the last five minutes. Green Lantern keeps looking at the sky with an almost hopeful look, like he’s praying for an alien invasion to hit or something. Hawkgirl has been fiddling with her mace and watching the reporters in a way that they should have found extremely alarming if they weren’t so focused on Superman and had the good sense god gave a lemming. Flash was fiddling so much it was a minor miracle he hadn’t vibrated right through the stage. But by the look of the sea of eager reporters before them, they were just getting started.

Wasn’t there something that would end this torture? Something? Anything?

“…your opinion?”

Just as Clark was opening his mouth to answer the latest stupid question (don’t ask Bruce what said question was, he was too busy wallowing in horrified boredom to listen to the last fifteen or so) a sound was notably not expected at a press conference started up. Light and airy, yet somehow filling the whole space in a way that was impossible to ignore. A sound that Bruce had never heard personally before but instantly knew what it was.

Fey bells.

A Wish Baby was about to appear. Right here, with serval dozen cameras steaming live around the country.

Every single camera operator was suddenly wide awake and watching everything before them with more enthusiasm than they had shown all day. Th reporters as one went deathly silent, some appeared to have even stopped breathing. No doubt they were hoping for the scope of the century; a Justice League member receiving a wish baby.

Depending on who was the parent to be of the new wish baby, this could be about to get extremely complicated. If it was one of the reporters, well Bruce would be strongly wishing to speak with whoever was in charge of assigning wish babies and demand to know what on earth the poor baby had done that was so bad to be placed with one of those feral idiots. But if it was one of his colleagues, that was another story. The wish baby glow lasted exactly 60 days after delivery. The wish marking was found somewhere on every wish baby and here was no true hiding it. In short, it would be extremely difficult to hide that a new child was a wish baby and one of his colleagues was about to have one dropped on them no national television. Thus could potentially be a huge blow to keeping a secret identity secret, and the new parent would most likely be too busy being awed by their new baby to think about that. Bruce would have to step in and often his help to ensure what should be one of the happiest days of his colleagues’ lives doesn’t end in tragedy. All the reasons he had for keeping his own identity secret also allies to the rest of the League after all.

Bruce subtly looked around, wondering which of his colleagues might be about to receive a wish baby. Superman was looking hopeful, of course. Two wish babies, especially for a single parent, was rare but not unheard of and with their being do few Kryptonians the fey might be extra inclined to grant Clark another child. Barry was in a long term and happy relationship, and so was unlikely to be granted a wish baby while on his own. Doubly so with Arthur, who’s wife had just given birth to their first child last year. Oliver and Dinah were not so subtly moving closer together, the couple obviously hoping it would be them, though if Bruce was being honest he rather doubted it considering Oliver’s strained relationship with the sons he already had. More than currently single Justice League member was standing straighter, looking somewhere between hopeful and terrified.

However this turned out, it was sure to be interesting.

The sound of fey bells continued for what impossibly seemed like forever yet no time at all before reaching its’ crescendo and the wish baby appeared with a flash of light. Bruce could not have told you where he truly expected them to appear, but it was most certainly not where they did. He was so shocked, only extremely fast reflexes born from years upon years of training allowed him to catch the little miracle that appeared directly above him. In shock, Bruce stared down into bright blue eye looking trustingly up at him. His eyes, on a tiny new little face. The face of his new baby. His seventh child. Slowly, the shock left him, replaced by a feeling of pure wonder and Bruce did something that finished breaking the sanity of many of those watching.

The Justice League, the assembled reporters and thousand of viewers around the country watched in complete disbelief as Batman smiled.