Hedging Bets – Chapter Five – Emersli1

Reading Time:
9 Minutes

Evan was having a good day, and was looking forward to his group therapy meeting.

While Tony was now firmly ensconced within their family, and Noah had dropped by several times, he hadn’t actually made a meeting with the whole group in a few weeks.  Opening the door, he was surprised to find the room full of men who were apparently ready to make up for lost time.

“Hey, Evan!  How’s the sleep deprivation going?”  Jake was quick to question after the mandatory “Surprise!”.

“Hey Jake, yeah … We’re both getting pretty short on sleep these days.  But if the military taught us one thing … it was to sleep when you get the chance.  So we’re doing that.”  Evan grabbed a glass of the punch the guys had set up with a small cake in the corner.  A few random gift bags were stacked in front of his usual chair, and he happily settled in to show off his camera roll.

Tony deftly snaffled Buck’s phone out of his hand.  “You … open Mireya’s gifts.  I’ve got this.”  He then proceeded to share picture after picture around the table like the proud uncle he was.  

Noah grinned from his place next to Evan.  “I couldn’t believe it when your file came across my desk.  I had to pass it off, of course, but Lynn will take good care of you.”

Buck looked at the man in surprise.  “I thought you worked with at-risk youth?”

Noah gave a rueful laugh.  “Yeah, I do that too … but I’m the official liaison for Greater Los Angeles to your uncle’s office.  You’d have a hard time finding a social worker in this country right now who only worked in one area.  Maybe in the private sector, but those of us who work for the state?  Yeah, we do our job and pick up the overflow from unfilled positions while our client rosters soar.  It’s a rough time to be in our profession, though I’ve heard from the boomers it’s always been this way.”

Evan took a bite of the piece of cake Aaron served him.  “How do you handle all of that as a single parent?  I mean … if Eddie and I didn’t have each other … I don’t know what we’d do.”

Noah looked fiercely protective.  “Well, I had to fight for Beth.  Her birth mother … well you’ve heard that story.  And her adoptive mother wasn’t much of an improvement.  And wasn’t all that interested in a little girl who didn’t want to be a Broadway star.  So, when my psychiatrist said I was stable enough to handle it … I filed for custody.”

The men around the table had gone quiet as Noah talked.

“Can you tell us why you didn’t file charges?”  Jake, ever the therapist, ventured gently.

Noah put his head back and stared over their heads as though he were looking into the past.  “She was a kid.  An entitled, arrogant kid … but … and the amount of brainwashing she’d been subjected to over her life … her dad was a real piece of work.  I did file charges against the grown women in my town who … well, you know.  Not against Beth’s adoptive mother, ‘cause I was pretty sure if I wanted the chance to know my kid, I’d better not rock that boat.”

“Do you have full custody, or are you in some sort of shared arrangement?  And do I understand from what you just said that your daughter’s adoptive mother was … one of the women who abused you?  ‘Cause honestly that sounds … well …” Dick trailed off into silence, not sure how to phrase it without being too harsh.

Laughing darkly, Noah shook his head as though in dismay at the choices he’d been given.  “Look, Quinn has become exactly what she was raised to be … a rich man’s wife.  A pretty shell.  And that’s punishment enough.  And Shelby’s more … complicated.  I have full custody of Beth, and Shelby can call her once a week … though she usually doesn’t bother.  Beth didn’t turn out to be the daughter she wanted.”

“And I’ve gotta say … the teen years terrify me, and they’re right around the corner.  Beth’s so much like me, and I was … well …”

“Hurt.  You were hurt, and no one saw.  So you made sure no one would see.  It’s a vicious cycle, but Noah, you need to remember something about Beth.  She has you.  I know your mother did her best, but … you’ve said she was drinking heavily during those years.  That would have made it hard to be the foundation of a family.  You can be that foundation for your daughter.”  Jake, weighing in with an outside perspective.

“Maybe that’s what we need to discuss today.  How to be that foundation for the families we’re building.”   Jake looked around the circle.

“I know I want to be everything Mira could ever need.  I never want her to feel as though she has to apologize for her existence.”  Evan spoke quietly, but with deep purpose.

Arthur nodded.  “I want to be someone my sons know they can depend on.  Someone my grandchildren can trust to put them first.  I feel as though because of the … drugs … I was given, I was barely present in my own life while my children were growing up.  I certainly wasn’t able to be there for them the way they needed me to be.”

“It’s not easy to be everything they need all by yourself.  Especially when your career is dangerous or demanding.  I had to lose almost everything before I learned that putting my child first meant doing more than just providing for his physical needs.”  Aaron’s face flashed with despair and grief before settling back into his usual calm.

Jake nodded along as the men spoke.  “My parents gave us a good foundation, but I had a friend … Tobias didn’t really know his parents.  Just his uncle looking after him.  And I saw how it affected him.  All his physical needs were met, but his uncle felt like that was all he needed to do.”  Jake thought of his friend and hoped he was flying high, wherever he was.  “It wasn’t.”

“My parents died when I was little, but someone stepped in to become a father to me.  He didn’t have any idea what he was doing, but I never had to doubt he would treat any problem I brought to him with respect.”  Dick smiled somewhat ruefully.  “He’s not the warm fuzzy type, but he came through when I really needed him … called me home … refused to let me tie myself to the women who assaulted me.  He doesn’t really understand, but he’s trying.”

“Eddie says that’s all we can do.  Try.  Try our best to take care of them.  Love them with everything we’ve got.  Listen, though I’ve got to admit Mira isn’t chatty yet.  But Chris could talk the hind leg off a mule …”  Buck laughed softly.

“Hey now!  Chris just has a lot going on in his brain.  He’s so smart, and excited about everything he learns.  He just wants to share the things he loves with the people he loves.  Just like his Papa.”  Tony looked directly at Evan.  “I feel honored that he wants to share those things with me.”

Evan felt as though somewhere deep inside him a child who had been ignored, ridiculed, and often outright bullied when he tried to share … relaxed and began to heal.  “I’d never want Chris to think what he’s excited about doesn’t matter.  One day he may not want to talk to me, so I’m gonna treasure every minute until that day.”

“If it’s any consolation, Percy still gets excited and info-dumps … and that’s after years of people pushing him aside and calling him boring.  But even when I couldn’t do much else, I always tried to listen.  I guess I did that right at least.”  Arthur thought of his son … the one who was always out-of-step with his chaotic brothers.  The quiet one.  The serious one.

The one who would come out to his workshop and sit and talk to him about everything and anything as he tinkered with things that seemed to make the fog lift a little.

The one who had hunted him down on the opposite side of a different continent.

“I guess it was enough.”

Jake smiled.  “I’m sure he’d say so.”  Looking around the table, Jake felt like maybe this session had been needed.  All these men were here for variations of the same reason, but sometimes healing was about learning how to move forward.  “Well, Evan … are you going to open those gift bags or not?”

Evan grinned and grabbed the nearest one.  Pulling out the tissue paper and checking the tag, he saw it was from Bruce.  Peeking in, he saw something he didn’t understand.  Pulling it out and unrolling it didn’t really help, so he looked at the guy who’d given it.

Bruce smiled and blushed a little.  “It’s a sensory exploration mat.  You can’t start science too early.  Mireya’s too little for a real science kit … so I got one for Christopher.  A big brother present.  It’s out in my truck.  But this … she can start exploring her world … experiencing different textures and sounds …”

Evan smiled fondly as the man trailed off.  “That is so cool!  And Chris will love the science kit.  We’ve tried really hard not to lose sight of him in the midst of all this.  But he adores Mireya, and is so proud to be a big brother … thanks for thinking of them.  And I know Mira will enjoy the mat.”

One by one Evan opened the gifts, and the men around the table talked.  It wasn’t a typical session, but it was good.

Standing in the front of the little neighborhood church, holding his daughter, Buck felt as though his life had finally come to where it was meant to be.

Mireya wore the beautiful christening gown, and Evan and Eddie were in their dress uniforms.  Tony as godfather was wearing a suit that probably cost more than all the clothes on everybody else that day, and Maddie was wearing an iPad.  It wasn’t really a good day for her, but she’d been determined to attend the only way she could, so her doctor was with her as she made her promises to her goddaughter and niece.

Looking out at the small gathering of friends and family, Evan felt blessed.  The priest dabbed the holy water onto the baby’s head, and named her.

Mireya Rose Buckley-Diaz.

Suddenly Evan heard something that sounded very much like a giggle.

Mira was too young to giggle, and the other children present were old enough to know “how to behave in church” and definitely wouldn’t have been giggling during a sacrament.

Shaking his head just a bit, Buck shook the thought away.

Sleep deprivation could do strange things to a man, after all.

To the two spirits hovering in the corner, everything was perfect.

Well, as perfect as it could be, considering they were dead.

Their one prayer as their lives slipped away had been that their precious child would be safe.  That she would come through the inferno and find safety in a good, loving family.

And she had.  That was all they could have hoped for, and seeing it now … well, they were content.