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Abandoned but Still Wanted

2000

“Dad, please!”

Tony had no idea which of them Daniel Buckley was pleading to, but no matter the answer, it broke his heart. But then, he hated this whole arrangement from the start.

When Anthony Dominic DiNozzo, Jr. was 18 years old and struggling because Senior was holding his trust fund hostage, his father had basically blackmailed him. He owed Phillip Buckley a favor, and the older man came calling demanding sperm. Senior had gotten a vasectomy long ago, not long after Tony was born, because he didn’t want children. Anthony Sr. didn’t like children and had no use for them.

So, to give the Buckleys what they wanted, Senior advised his son that he wouldn’t give in on the trust fund fight unless he gave Phillip and Margaret some sperm. At the time, Tony had been furious and scared to death. At the same time, even though he didn’t feel comfortable raising children, he wouldn’t turn his back on one of his own if no one else wanted them. So, while he was terrified at the idea of being a father, he would have been damned if he would put his child in the same position he’s been in. Then there was the part of the whole fiasco where Tony wasn’t confident anyone who did business with his conman father would be someone he wanted raising his child.

He certainly wouldn’t pick Margaret Buckley, who seemed more like a harpy than a human woman. He knew that the older woman claimed to have no magical traces whatsoever, but Tony had his doubts. Regardless of that, he wasn’t sure how he could take the high road and say no to the whole blackmail scheme. He needed that money. Senior had him over a barrel. There was no way that he could throw away his future and his freedom by telling his father and the Buckleys where to go. It was only because of the mask that he’d worn his whole life that the tears didn’t roll down his cheeks. In the end, he just didn’t feel safe enough or courageous enough to say no.

So, there had been a contract; Tony had insisted on that. He’d gotten his way and got a clause included that if, for some reason, the Buckleys no longer wanted Daniel at any point in the future, they would give him to Tony.

Margaret had been furious. She’d turned into a screaming banshee about the whole thing, but eventually they’d agreed and given in to his demand. Tony had donated sperm, and ten months later, Daniel Jonathan Buckley was born. Then all too soon, little Danny had been diagnosed with leukemia.

The Buckleys played a good act at being the devastated parents, but Tony was familiar with the con. He’d been raised by an international con man after all. He recognized the game. Philip and Margaret Buckley were the kind of people who had kids because it was expected within their social circle, but didn’t really want them. So, when one of their children got sick, it was an embarrassment.

Nonetheless, the couple had tried everything they could to heal their son, outside of magical healing, which they were venomously opposed to. In fact, the Buckleys were opposed to anything magical, which was part of why they’d wanted Senior to be the donor because he felt the same way they did.

After little Daniel got sick and the Buckleys ran out of ideas, they came back to Tony and pleaded with him to donate more sperm so they could create a child to save their son. This time Tony had been even more torn than before. On one hand, this was his son, and he would do anything he could to save him. He just wasn’t sure if giving the Buckleys another child was a good idea. His opinion of them hadn’t changed from the first time that they’d gone through this.

In the end, he’d donated the sperm. He’d offered to get tested to see if he was a match, but they had been very resolute that they didn’t want any further connection between him and Daniel than there already was. So, once more, he’d given the Buckleys what they wanted and then had to walk away, which led all of them to their current situation and that belief that Tony wasn’t any more magical than his father.

“What did I do wrong? Please don’t throw me away!”

“Phillip,” Tony interjected, drawing the older man’s attention, and received a glare that could kill for his trouble. “What’s going on here? Why are you giving up Daniel now? Especially considering everything you went through when he was sick.”

“This is all your fault,” Phillip sneered, and Tony nearly took a step back at the hatred in the man’s eyes. “You and that conman of a father of yours. You created this monster. I should have known better than to trust either one of you.”

“What are you talking about?” Tony demanded, and unable to stay away from the boy any longer, he crossed the short distance between them and put his hands on the boy’s shoulder. For a moment, Daniel tensed up and acted like he was going to fight it, but at the last second deflated like a balloon.

“This is your son. You love him. He isn’t a monster. What could be so bad about him that you’re just going to abandon him to someone you obviously loathe?”

“He turned 13 a month ago, and now there is accidental magic happening all over the place,” Phillip spat angrily, taking several steps away from the boy who had reached out to the man he’d called father for the first 13 years of his life.

“We know it isn’t Margaret because there has never been a magical person in her family, so that can only mean it’s you. When we contacted that conman, he told us that it had to be you. He insinuated that he had been sure he took care of your problem, but obviously he’s dumber than we thought. Putting a block on someone’s magic to prevent them from passing along those same magical genes.”

“I’m…” Tony started but paused and had to fight against pulling Daniel closer so that he could wrap his arms around his shoulders. “I didn’t know, Phillip, at least not until less than a year ago.  You know that I will take Daniel. It’s the only part of the contract that I insisted on adding myself. He’s not defective. There is nothing wrong with him that some classes and a temporary suppression cuff when he’s not in class can’t handle. I would never throw him away.”

“Dad, please!” Daniel whimpered, putting his hands over his face. “What about Evan? If I am magical, there is a good chance he is too. You already don’t want him and have very little to do with him. He’s too young to understand what is going on. He’ll be scared and upset that I just suddenly disappeared.”

“As far as Evan and Madeline know, you are dead,” Phillip replied coldly as he put his winter coat back on. “Evan is ours. I’ve already discussed things with a doctor, and he assures us that Evan having magic isn’t guaranteed. We can only hope that you didn’t stain both boys with your taint. It’s true that I find Evan a disappointment in just about every way, but one can hope that he’ll come around and become something less distasteful. Now, the boy has everything that we are willing to let him take. He is your responsibility now.”

Reaching into his inner coat pocket, Phillip took out a thick envelope and threw it on the floor. “Here are his papers. My lawyer has gotten everything together; you just need to sign where he has indicated and then file them with the courts. Do what you want with the boy. He isn’t our problem any longer. Should it turn out that you’ve tainted Evan as well, then you’ll be seeing me in roughly 7 years. I’ll see myself out.”

Keeping his hands on Daniel’s shoulders, Tony stayed as he was until he heard the front door of his apartment slam shut. He could feel Daniel flinch under his touch, and giving in to his instincts pulled him closer, wrapping his arms around the boy’s shoulders.

“It’s gonna be ok, Daniel. I won’t tell you that it will be ok today or even tomorrow, but it will be ok. We’ll figure this out together. I want you to know that I will always want you, and it isn’t just me. You have a grandfather and uncles that love you already and will want you. I just… I need to contact them and actually give them a chance.”

Pulling away, Daniel wrapped his arms around himself as he turned to look at Tony. Conflicting emotions raced across his face. “I don’t even know your name. Is grandfather really a conman? I don’t even know your name.”

“The name thing is tricky right now. I’m actually in the midst of getting it changed. See, I just found out within the last year that the man who raised me, Anthony Dominic DiNozzo Sr., isn’t actually my father. It turns out my mother, your grandmother, was already pregnant when she married Senior.

“My father’s name is Patrick Sheppard. Have you heard of him? He runs Sheppard Industries.”

“Doesn’t everyone know him? Wow! Are they all magical, too? Are you sure they’ll like me? I don’t… I don’t know where I would go if they hated me and you decided you didn’t want me because of it. The only people I had before this were Aunt Aggie and Auntie Lizzie, but I think they died. At least that’s what mo… no, that’s what Margaret said. If she doesn’t want me, I don’t want her either. Are we rich?”  Daniel asked wide-eyed, and Tony snorted, nodding toward the sofa in his living room and sat down on it before answering the questions.

Last question first: even without your grandfather’s money, we are more than getting by. When your grandmother Elizabeth died, she left me quite a bit of money in some trusts. One of them Senior stole, but the others were hidden by your Great Uncle George Paddington until I was old enough to take care of them on my own. But other than that, yes, your grandfather, Patrick, is one of the wealthiest men in the world.”

Pausing, Tony patted the cushion next to him and waited until Daniel sat down, turning so that he was looking at Tony to go on. “I think probably most people in first world countries know who Patrick Sheppard is. He and your uncles are actually all magical. It’s how I found out that I was and that I had a block on my magic. As to them liking you, Daniel…”

Tony stopped and gathered his son’s smaller hands in his before continuing. “I know you’re scared, kiddo. I would be absolutely shocked if you weren’t. You don’t have to put on a brave front with me. If you’re mad, be mad. If you wanna cry, then cry. If you’re scared, then be scared, but no matter how you feel, know that while I have less-than-pleasant opinions about the Buckleys I know in my heart that your grandfather, your uncles, and I will love you no matter what. We certainly won’t stop loving you because you’re magical.

“You aren’t a monster. You aren’t defective. You aren’t a disappointment. You aren’t anything else negative or derogatory that Phillip and Margaret have called you. And for that matter, neither is Evan. I hate that we can’t get him now. I promise you that I will talk to your grandfather’s lawyers to see, but the contract is pretty cut and dried. That doesn’t mean that you and I will give up on him. If he is magical, eventually they will give him up too, and I will take him in just as I took you in. I may not have been part of your life, but I want you to know that I love you very much, Daniel.”

“Danny,” the boy corrected, and Tony tilted his head to one side, watching him. “I prefer Danny, but Margaret and Phillip hate nicknames.”

“Then Danny it is,” Tony said softly as the boy fell into him and Tony wrapped his arms around Danny tightly. “My name will be Antony Dominic Sheppard once I get the name change finalized.”

“Can you tell me about the Sheppards?” Danny asked, sniffling with his head resting on Tony’s chest. The boy was smaller than average for his age, but Tony wasn’t surprised with how long he’d fought cancer.

Nodding, with his cheek resting against the top of Danny’s head, Tony began rubbing the boy’s back as he relayed what he knew about the Sheppards. “As I said earlier, my father’s name is Patrick Sheppard. He isn’t currently married but has had two wives: one is deceased, and the other one is alive. While they split on friendly terms, Patrick and his second wife don’t have much contact other than issues pertaining to Aiden, your youngest uncle, whom Patrick has custody over.

“I am the oldest sibling, and have three younger brothers. John Sebastian is the oldest of my siblings and is just getting out of the Air Force. My understanding is that he’s going to take some time off to try and decide what he wants to do with his life now that he has been forced out of the career he chose for himself.

David is the next oldest, and he has both a law degree as well as an MBA. He works for Sheppard Industries and is expected to take over for your grandfather someday when Patrick gets tired of being in charge of everything. David isn’t married, but he is engaged, and the wedding date has been selected. His girlfriend has a daughter of her own named Dorothy that David will be adopting once they get married.

Lastly, there is Aiden, who is the youngest and is quite a bit younger than the rest of us. He is a product of Patrick and his second wife, Caroline, who was a family friend. My understanding is she got pregnant after an… accident. That resulted in a marriage, but it didn’t last long. Caroline is an investigative journalist and travels all over the world for stories. I don’t know the specifics, and I don’t think it really matters. All I know is that when they divorced, Patrick kept Aiden, and Caroline comes to see him when she’s in town. He is only a year older than you and right now is insistent that he wants to be a SEAL when he grows up.”

Danny scrunched up his nose and then sighed before yawning. “I suppose that’s noble and all, but I want to be a doctor.  I don’t know why, but it calls to me. Do you think… I mean, would Aiden want to be my friend? The school wanted to put me a year ahead, but mom and dad… I mean Margaret and Phillip wouldn’t hear of it.”

“I bet Aiden will love having someone else his age in the family. We can have you tested, and if you want, we can see about getting you into the same school as Aiden if you two get along.”  When the boy yawned again, Tony kissed the top of his head again before pulling back slightly.

“Why don’t you lie down here and take a nap? You’ve had a horrible day, and I think you could use some sleep. I will call your grandad and see if he has time this weekend to see us. Just remember, kiddo, you and I. No matter what else happens, it will always be you and me, ok?”

“OK, Tony, thanks,” Danny yawned as Tony stood and watched the 13-year-old stretch out before immediately falling asleep. Running a hand through his hair, Tony closed his eyes and let a single tear trail down his face. He’d never wanted this for either of his boys, and he felt like a failure because he knew, deep down in his heart, that this is how it would end up for Daniel. Just like he knew someday he would be in the same position with Evan. Moving to the home office he had set up in the second bedroom, Tony sank down in his desk chair and put his face in his hands as he let his emotions out.

“I will always love him, and I will always love Evan. Please, mother magic, please, if you are real, if you are out there, please look after Evan. Please help him know that there are people out there that love him and want him no matter what the Buckleys do and say. Please just take care of my baby, please.” He begged and let himself feel his feelings.

Eventually, he would call Patrick and stop pussy footing around. For now though, he would sit in his chair with his emotions, thanking the Lady for returning his Danny. He’d trust Her to take care of Evan as best as she could, and he could only hope that it would be enough.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

2005

“Evan,” Tony called, jerking awake and immediately falling into a breath-stealing cough. He was still in the hospital after a bout with pneumonic plague thanks to an angry mother and a daughter too frightened and ashamed to admit that she just wanted to try some slightly kinky sex.

“Hey, Dad, it’s ok,” Tony heard and gripped the hand holding him until he could breathe again. Once he’d calmed down, he turned his head and saw Danny sitting there at his bedside looking worried.

“Shouldn’t you be in school?” Tony asked, trying to remember Danny’s schedule. He was fairly certain that his oldest son should be in math class at that moment and narrowed his eyes at him.

“I couldn’t go back yet,” Danny pleaded, biting his bottom lip. “I was still too worried. I will feel better once you are out of here and back at the townhouse where we can take care of you. I talked to Grandad, and he said that since it wasn’t exam time yet, another week was reasonable as long as my professors were ok with it. I’ve been doing my work, so none of them minded. I have a test I have to go take tomorrow, but other than that I will be here for the week. Why did you say Evan’s name?”

Trying not to sigh because it would only set off another coughing fit, Tony studied his son and, after a few long moments, smiled at him, kissing the back of his hand. Danny had just turned 18 and was turning into an amazing young man who had quite the knack for healing magic. He was currently enrolled in the University of Virginia in their pre-med program.

They’d had rough moments at the beginning as Danny worked through the emotions of being abandoned by the people he’d considered his family. It hadn’t been a quick fix, but therapy had helped… therapy that they’d both taken part in. They both had family issues they’d needed to work through, and Tony was determined to be the best father that he could be. Five years later, Tony felt like he’d been doing a reasonably good job. His son was well-behaved, did charity work in his community, and got a scholarship on his own merit to the university of his choice.

“I was dreaming about that first day when Phillip dropped you off at my place,”  Tony murmured softly before taking a sip of his water. We’ve come so far, you and I, and I am so proud of you, Daniel. I know you’re worried about Evan. I’m worried, too, but there isn’t anything that we can do about him until they contact us. We’re not even allowed to call and check on him.”

“I hate that,” Daniel complained anxiously. “They don’t care about him, and Maddie isn’t much better. She was obviously the only one Margaret and Phillip cared about. I don’t know why. Maybe she is both of theirs. This really scared me, Dad. I can’t lose you, too.”

Absent-mindedly, Tony played with the suppression cuff on his wrist, the action drawing Danny’s eyes. “If there is a silver lining to this whole you got the plague thing, it’s that your block was broken! Now we can do magic together. Have they tested you yet to see what level you will be?”

“Dragon Mage,” Tony said with a smile as Danny fist pumped. “Which is cool, I mean wings!”

“Wings are awesome. I mean it will take you longer to learn to control it, but it will be worth it in the end. Mages are the second highest level ranking for magical humans. The only thing higher is a spark, which is what your cousin Aiden is, as you know. We Sheppards are typically high-ranking magicals; the lowest level currently is a Shaman. I’ll be honest that I am looking forward to the classes. Magic should be useful on the team. It’s the one thing that we don’t have and could use.”

“We’ll never have an abomination like that on my team.” The growled words spat from near the door, and looking over, Tony saw an angry-looking Gibbs.

“Danny, could you go down and get me some kind of juice or a smoothie or both?  Get yourself something too. Gibbs and I need to talk.”

Danny looked uncertainly from one man to the other before he hesitantly got up and, sliding past Gibbs, left the room. Once his son was gone, Tony focused on his boss, letting his shock show on his face.

He’d known that Gibbs had a sore spot when it came to magical perpetrators, but his boss had always acted like it was just the magical criminals that were getting to him. Because of the background check that he’d run on Gibbs when he was placed on the man’s team, Tony knew that the man’s wife and daughter were murdered by a magical assassin. And he could see how that would affect the man when it came to a certain portion of magical society.

In Tony’s mind, it wasn’t any different than his feelings about abandoned children or children that were suffering from child abuse or neglect. They were a trigger for Tony that made those cases a little more personal to him. Fortunately, his team didn’t get a lot of those cases, as they were typically assigned more high-profile cases.

Whatever was going on, Tony certainly wasn’t going to give Gibbs a chance to go on a rant in front of Tony’s teenage son. Even if Danny was an adult legally, he was still a child in Tony’s mind and didn’t deserve to be subjected to the ugliness of the world any more than Tony could help.

“Gibbs? What is going on? What do you mean about me being an abomination? I’m not anything of the sort. My block has worn off, and now I have access to my Mage abilities is all. I know that you have an issue with magical criminals, and I don’t blame you, but I don’t appreciate you calling magical people abominations in front of my magical son.”

“I don’t appreciate you lying to me,” Gibbs countered, and Tony lifted an eyebrow, confused.

“I never lied to you about my magical abilities, Gibbs. I told you that I had a block and that it could only be removed naturally. I never imagined that there would be a situation bad enough at this point in my life where it would just come off on its own. But I told you it could happen. I never once lied to you.”

“Bullshit, I don’t believe you. I bet you’ve been magical all this time, and just hid it from all of us.”

Tony lifted his dominant arm and showed the suppression cuff that helped him keep his magic under control until he was trained and able to control it himself. “Why would I wear this if I’ve been lying to you?”

“How would I know about what you fuckin’ freaks do? And it doesn’t even really matter because you’re off my team. I have already advised Morrow to remove you as SFA and reassign you. I don’t ever want to see you again.”

“Gibbs, you’re not making sense. You do know that you can be fired for prejudice, right? I know all about Shannon and Kelly. I sympathize about the manner in which you lost them, and I’m even disgusted that Hernandez used his abilities to hurt and kill people. That doesn’t mean that all of us are like that. I’m not a freak. Magic has been in this world for as long as time has been recorded at least. It’s accepted and a normal everyday part of millions of people’s lives just in the US. What is going on?”

“Keep your mouth shut about my wife and daughter!” Gibbs spat, clenching his fists and taking a step towards the bed. “Don’t forget there are more of us in this world than there are of you. We can get rid of you at any time.”

Tony tilted his head to one side and narrowed his eyes at the older man as a feeling of dread rushed through his body. Could he have misinterpreted things all these years? Could it be possible that it wasn’t magical criminals that were his boss’ weak spot but something more sinister? Could Leroy Jethro Gibbs, whom Tony had seen perfectly fine with all kinds of magical children and victims, be prejudiced?

“Wow, I will give it to you, Gibbs. You’ve had me fooled all these years, and after growing up raised by a man like Senior, I can usually sniff out you assholes a mile away. For the record, I am not a freak nor am I an abomination, and neither is my son. You want me off your team? Well, consider that sentiment mutual, you motherfucker. If it was just me, I would have kept my mouth shut, but prejudiced assholes like you don’t deserve to hide in the shadows when you’ve been sniffed out.

“If you think I am keeping my mouth shut about why I am leaving the team though, you have another think coming.” Tony spat and fell into a coughing fit that went on so long it drew the nurses.

“Sir, we need to ask you to step out of the room,” the male nurse advised, addressing Gibbs, who sneered uglily.

“Don’t worry, I am done with this monster.” He said with disdain before turning and stomping out of the room.

Just as Tony was settling down, Danny returned with the drinks and some food. “I got a coffee for Gibbs… where did he go?” Danny asked as he moved to the bedside. “The nurses said that you can have outside food, so I got us something from Panera across the street.”

Tony took a long, shuddery breath and was pleased when it didn’t set off another round of coughing. Taking the coffee cup from Danny, he held it out to the nurses. “Gibbs… had to leave. If one of you drinks your coffee black, you’re welcome to this; otherwise, it’s gonna go to waste. He won’t be back. Also, can you put him on a banned list? I don’t want him in my room again.”

“Dad?” Danny asked with a frown, pausing as he was setting the food out onto the table top on Tony’s bed. Holding up a hand, Tony smiled at the nurses as a petite redhead stepped forward and took it with a grin. “This’ll save me a trip. Thanks! We can get that added right away. What is his name and is there anyone else you want added?”

Tony sighed and felt a fluttering in his chest, causing another coughing fit, although thankfully this one was shorter than the last. When he was done, he took a sip of the strawberry banana smoothie that his son had gotten him as he settled back in the hospital bed that had the top raised so he could breathe better.

“Dad, what’s going on?” Danny asked, confused as he sat down on the side of the bed, picking up his sandwich half from where he had laid it.

Addressing the nurse, Tony replied, “His name is Leroy Jethro Gibbs. He works for NCIS but has no official reason to be here. We work together, or I guess I should say that we used to work together. No other names for now, but I may change that later depending on how the others react.”

“That’s fine, Mister Sheppard, just let us know,” Sylvia said before turning with her coffee in hand and leaving the room.

“Dad?” Danny prompted again, and Tony looked at his son, unsure how to explain what had just happened. It was a lot to take in. Tony had considered Gibbs part of his family. The man had never been anything but good to Danny, and he had known about Tony’s block the whole time. Rubbing a hand back and forth on the back of his neck, Tony tried to decide how honest to be.

“I’ll be honest, kiddo. I don’t want to say this to you, and not just because I am still caught off guard myself. But it seems as if Gibbs isn’t the man that I thought he was. He doesn’t seem to like people like us and wants me off of the team. I agreed because I won’t work somewhere with someone who hates us because of something we can’t control.”

“I don’t understand,” Danny frowned and set his sandwich back down. “Uncle Gibbs has always been good to me, and you said he was a good boss.”

“He always has been in the past, but apparently it was just a very good mask hiding his true emotions. I am sorry that things ended like this. I’d love to tell you that this won’t affect your friendship with him, but I would be worried that he would hurt you. He seems to be very prejudiced against all magical people, not just criminals as I thought.”

“I don’t want to see him,” Daniel scowled as he finally took a big bite of his sandwich, chomping on it angrily before he spoke again. As his stomach rumbled, Tony took a moment to check out his own food. It looked like Danny had gotten him some cheddar broccoli soup and a chicken-and-avocado BLT sandwich. Picking up the paper soup bowl, Tony took several spoonfuls of the soup, moaning with pleasure at his son’s choice. Next, he took a healthy bite of the sandwich, nodding and making approving noises as he chewed, much to Danny’s amusement.

“I will miss the person that I thought he was, and sure it hurts that yet another adult wasn’t the person that I thought they were. My therapist said that the Buckleys were flawed in ways that had nothing to do with me, and I think that it is the same for Gibbs. If he doesn’t want us in his life, then it’s his loss. We don’t need him. There are plenty of people around me that I can lean on, including Grampa and three uncles. We both deserve better than him.”

Tony smiled at his son. “I’m proud of you, Danny. You’re turning into quite the young man.”

“Thanks, Dad. Will you stay at NCIS or will you look elsewhere?”

“I dunno,” Tony admitted with a shrug. “Up until a few minutes ago I would have told you I was perfectly happy at NCIS, but now I’m not so sure. I’d like to stay in the area if I do leave NCIS. I don’t want to be too far away from you and the rest of the Sheppards. I honestly thought that I was done with the moving around. I’m getting too old to be starting over every few years.”

“You’re not old, Dad. Come on. Be real. I get the not wanting to move around all the time, but who says that you have to start completely over?  You never know. I gotta believe something will come up to keep you here in town. How do you feel about all of this? I mean, Gibbs wasn’t just your boss. He was your mentor, too.”

“I don’t think I know how I feel about it yet, kiddo. I’m a little in shock. I honestly didn’t see it coming.”

“Yeah, ok. I know you don’t wanna tell me for some dad reason. Just promise that you’ll talk to Uncle Dave or Grandpa or someone? I know this has to be hurting you.” Danny insisted before taking another bite of his sandwich, and then pulling the top off of his mac and cheese.

“I promise,” Tony said with a smile and turned the conversation towards Danny’s classes, happily getting lost in his son’s college dramas. Deep in his heart, though, there was a new wound that he was going to have to deal with. A second ache on top of his worry about what was happening with Evan. Knowing this was not the time to deal with it, Tony shoved everything into a box, telling himself he’d call Dave after Danny left and unload on him. As close as he and Danny were, Tony wasn’t about to lay his worry and pain on his child. Shaking his head slightly, Tony forced his mind away from his woes and focused on the story Danny was telling.