Destiny Unknown – 3 – Jilly James

Reading Time:
27 Minutes

“So, do I call you dad now?” Evan asked far too casually as he ripped open a package of gummy bears. He was seated cross-legged at the end of Lou’s bed, facing Tony, who was seated similarly on his own bed.

From behind Evan, lounging on the sofa, ostensibly reading, Lou shot Tony a look that somehow conveyed sympathy but also faint alarm. And yet, it also said you’re totally on your own with this one.

Tony had chosen Oreos from the vending machine as the least objectionable cookie option. The only other real choice was Nutter Butters, but those made him think of McGee, and he didn’t need that kind of reminder. There was a rollaway cot folded in the corner that they’d set up later for Evan to sleep on.

He considered Evan’s question, trying to figure out how to navigate what a minefield it was. “Well, we barely know one another, so I’m wondering if that might not feel odd.” He scratched his head. “I think you should call me what you’re comfortable with. You could start with calling me Tony, and if you ever felt like you wanted to call me dad, that should be your choice.”

Evan finally met his gaze, chewing industriously on a gummy bear. His expression was vulnerable. “And that’d be all right with you?”

“Yes, of course. I don’t think you’ve had a great experience with parents so far, but whatever you feel about it is up to you. It may take time for you to have a good experience with a parental relationship.”

“And we’re going to have that?”

“That’s the plan. I’m flying blind, kiddo. I wasn’t sure that I’d ever have kids, but I don’t regret that you exist. I wish—” He frowned, trying to come up with the right words. “I wish your mother had contacted me about you so we could have been working on a plan years ago.”

“Yeah.” Evan looked down at his pile of gummy bears, moodily moving them around. “Why didn’t she?”

“I’m really torn about what the kid-appropriate way to answer your question is. Because I don’t want to lie to you, Evan, but the answer is—”

“Adult?”

“It’s something.” Tony separated his Oreo and tossed the plain cookie side into his mouth, crunching aggressively. “Can you give me a day to think about how to answer?”

Evan made a face but nodded. “I just don’t want to be lied to. Or ignored.”

“Well, I’m not going to lie to you, and I’m certainly not going to ignore you.”

“Everyone ignores me.”

Tony blew out a breath. “We’re going to be here for a couple of days getting at least guardianship handled. Surrendering parental rights takes at least a month, and we’ll let the lawyers handle that. I’ll fly back if I need to. So, to brief you on the plan: Lou and I were taking a meandering trip to the West Coast. Planning tourist stuff and whatever strikes our fancy.

“Right now, the new plan is to resume the old plan. Continue the trip as soon as we get the guardianship paperwork settled.”

“And what about me?” Evan asked, body radiating tension.

“I figured you’re coming with us. Long vacation. Part of our goal is figuring out where we want to live and find new jobs. That means the new home has to feel good to you, too, with a school you’re happy in.”

“Oh.” Evan smiled, looking down at his lap as if he were trying to hide it. He popped two gummy bears in his mouth. “Are you guys boyfriends?”

Tony met Lou’s gaze, finding him with his book resting on his chest, obviously interested in the answer. “We’re…something,” he said softly, getting a quirk of the lips from Lou. “We used to work together, and now we’re road trip buddies while we figure ourselves out.”

Evan’s eyes were wide. “Wow. Am I going to cramp your style?”

Lou laughed and pulled his feet down from where they were resting on the opposite arm of the couch, because no hotel sofa was going to be long enough for him. He ruffled Evan’s hair as he walked past. “Tony and I will sort ourselves out somehow, kid. Don’t worry about it. The only thing I’m worried about is normal food because I’m not eating Oreos and gummy bears. How about I go and pick up some burgers? I know Tony’s preferences already; anything you don’t like?”

“Everything is good, just no raw onions.” He wrinkled up his nose.

“Got it.” He paused by Tony, then leaned down and pressed a kiss to his cheek, barely missing his mouth. “See, our style remains uncramped. Back in a bit.”

Tony felt his face heat a bit, but he squeezed Lou’s hand briefly as he walked past.

Lou had been a rock through the whole thing, handling almost all the interaction with the Buckleys, not that Philip Buckley had been much of an interaction. He’d apparently agreed to whatever Margaret wanted, then locked himself in his study. Buckley had never shown his face while they were packing Evan’s clothes, a few favorite toys and games, and then leaving the house for the last time. It was infuriating.

Margaret had just stood in the foyer as they were leaving, arms crossed, shoulders hunched, looking like a tragic figure of some sort of crime. Evan had hesitated as if he wasn’t sure if he should hug her goodbye, but she’d made no overture toward him, so he’d left the house with hunched shoulders and a clenched jaw.

“I want you to know something,” Tony said as he took apart another Oreo, eating the plain cookie side again.

“What are you doing with the cream side?” Evan interjected.

Tony shrugged. “Toss it, I guess. It’s too sweet. My sweet tooth is all about pastries and breakfast delights. Not whatever that stuff is.”

“Oh my god. You’re unnatural. Gimme.” He made grabby hands.

“Yeah, all right.” It was only six cookies. “But we have to talk about sugar intake at some point. Tonight is weird, but don’t think it’s going to be gummy bears and whatever that is that calls itself cream-filling all the time.”

Evan grinned as he licked the Oreo center. “You sound just like my friends’ parents.”

“Looking after your diet seems the bare minimum.”

Evan shrugged. “Mom and not-dad mostly left me to figure myself out. Maddie used to help with dinner before she left.”

Tony refused to show how pissed he was.

Licking at his Oreo filling, Evan asked, “What’d you want me to know?”

“If I’d known about you eight years ago, I’d have come for you. If I’d known about you four years ago, I’d have come for you. There’s no point in my life where I wouldn’t have figured out how to make it work for us.”

Eyes filled with tears, Evan looked down at his lap. “I don’t understand why. Why didn’t she tell you? I could have had a good dad.”

“I know. I’ll try to figure out how to explain, but maybe we can work together to figure out how to make it good going forward, yeah? We’ve got a good ten years before college is going to steal you away from me.”

Evan gave a watery laugh and swiped at his eyes. “Am I going to have your last name?”

“I’d prefer it. Having three different last names in our family is probably not outside the realm of the possible, but it’s a little weird. Are you attached to it?”

Evan shook his head emphatically. “I want whatever name you have.”

“Then that’s what we’ll do. Even if your legal name is Buckley, you can introduce yourself as Evan DiNozzo, you know. It’s not like anyone is going to ask you for ID.”

His kid snorted. “I like that. Will it be weird? Explaining why I call you Tony?”

“Well, I’m not in the habit of explaining myself to people. Nosy people can mind their own business.”

Evan grinned.

“But if someone should happen to need to know for some legitimate reason, I’ll just say that your mother raised you in the early years of your life and you’re coming to live with me now. We’re getting to know each other, and you’re taking the mode of address at your own pace. Because you deserve that time and that choice.”

“Wow. There’s not even any lie in there.”

“Why would I need to lie about why you call me Tony? It’s not sordid.”

“Sordid?”

“Ignoble, dishonest, morally degraded,” Tony qualified.

“But it kind of feels that way, doesn’t it?” Evan asked hesitantly.

“Your mother’s dishonesty and lack of integrity are no one’s business unless you want to talk about it. That’s always your choice. Well, until we get to our new home and I throw you at a therapist to talk about it.”

Evan scrunched up his nose.

“Deal with it. We’re not carrying Margaret baggage around for the next ten years. She doesn’t deserve that space or weight. We’re going to sort that out, okay?”

Evan’s lips twitched. “Margaret baggage. I’m going to start calling everything bad Margaret baggage.”

“It’s important to properly label the bullshit in our lives.”

Outright laughing, Evan asked, “Do I get to swear?”

Tony pointed at him. “No. I have bad habits. Your job is to help, not encourage.”

Evan grinned. “We’re on a road trip, so a jar is impractical. I need to get a little notebook, so I have a swear ledger.”

“Oh lord.”

“We’ll train you out of it, but hopefully not before Disneyland is funded.”

Tony laughed. “We’ll get you a little swear ledger.”

“Do I get to help decide on the vacation?”

“Sure. We definitely want to hit some of the big national parks in New Mexico, Arizona, and Utah.”

Evan’s head shot up, eyes bright with interest. “Like Carlsbad Caverns?”

“In New Mexico, Lou had picked White Sands, and I’d picked Petroglyph, so I definitely think we should add Carlsbad.”

“Awesome!” He crunched on the cookie part of the Oreo with smeared white residue. “Will I get to see Maddie before we go?”

“I’m going to get in touch with Maddie and explain things, and I will definitely ask her to come see you before we leave. We should be here for several days, so I hope she’ll make time to see you.”

Evan nodded, accepting that part of it was on Maddie to make it happen. “I saw you have a laptop. Can I use it to look up places to go? Why do you want to go to the West Coast?”

“We’re not sure exactly where we want to end up, but we both feel drawn to the West. The ocean seems nice, but if we really like a place along the way, that’s where we’ll stay. You should tell us if there’s a place you like while we’re traveling—or maybe make a list of the places as we go that might be good to live.”

Hopping up off the bed and scattering a few remaining gummies, Evan darted for the desk by the rollaway bed. “This is going to be so much fun! It’s my first adventure.”

Smiling, Tony picked up the gummies and began clearing off the small table so Lou would have a place to put the food.

~*~

Tony came to awareness in an unfortunately familiar park. He’d spent a lot of time here after his death, talking to…

“Hello, Anthony. Though I guess it’s Antonio this time.”

He stared up at the being he’d dubbed Fate in his own mind. She’d never identified herself as such, but her discussions of fate and destiny made him think of her that way rather than as some other deity.

“Did I mess up already?”

“Not at all.” She sat on the bench, her flowing dress moving of its own accord as if it were blowing in a significant wind, but the air was still. “You’re sleeping peacefully. It’s easiest to speak to you on the other side, but I can reach you in your dreams when needed.”

“Considering your strong nudges, I think you’ve reached me otherwise.”

“A nudge on the path is not the same thing as a conversation, no?”

“Fair point. Is there something I need to do?”

She shook her head, black hair moving much like her dress did—individual tresses moving as if carried on a breeze. “I simply wanted to tell you what I’d held back before.”

“Why me?” he prompted, hoping she’d finally tell him why he was chosen for this.

She smiled, as enigmatic as ever. “I never sent you back alone, my dear. Though neither of you knew the other was sent back.”

Tony frowned and made a leap. “Lou?”

“Yes.”

He let out a breath, feeling a profound relief. “Are you telling him as well?”

“No, but you may tell him. It’s easier to reach out to you as you were on the other side much longer—your mind is easier to touch across the planes of existence. I had very little time with Louis before we struck our bargain to send him back.”

“Why us?”

“You’ve lived many lives, Antonio, and you’re always an agent of change.” She looked into the distance, seeing things Tony couldn’t hope to grasp. “You were hindered in this life. Made smaller than you should have been.”

He winced.

“I would not see you so constrained and carry that into your next incarnation.”

“And Evan? Is he part of mistakes I made? Was I supposed to be his father the first time?”

“Life is full of choices and opportunities.” She met his gaze. Her eyes were like little galaxies. “Being Evan’s father was an opportunity for you and for him. Though I think we miscalculated how much Margaret’s choices would affect him. Some of my little catalysts for change can be course-corrected in life; rarely must I try something as I’m trying with you. This also has the benefit of giving Evan another path. Some people,” she looked pointedly at him, “do well with another chance at adulthood, but some people need new childhoods.”

“That bad?”

“Oh, Evan made great impact on people in life, but he kept himself small.” She shook her head, hair lifting oddly. “I would rather his impact be lessened than he keep himself so minimized.”

“I wish I had some sort of roadmap here about what needed to be done.”

“Live your life, Antonio. There are many choices before you, and I’ll prod you if something is outrageously out of bounds.”

“Yeah, you already told me some things shouldn’t be fixed.” He’d asked about trying to stop something like a terrorist attack, and she’d cautioned him against it. That showing the world foreknowledge would bring scrutiny that could ruin his life and could be for naught.

“Some things are what they are. Fixing small things sometimes has large ripples. Other things are immutable.”

“But I can tell Lou, and he will believe me?”

“He will. He’s already wondering. Your sudden change to be willing to go with him was the first time he wondered. Louis lived a long life, and the things he looks back on are what he should discuss with you.”

“All right.” He considered her words. “I still feel like there’s something I’m missing, and I don’t like feeling like I’m being played.”

“Remember…small changes can ripple into something larger. A cluster of small changes can be monumental.”

“Is it more than us? Did you send others back that we’ll encounter?”

“It’s always possible you’ll encounter others, but you’ll only know about you and your partner. Your new family is a cluster of change. I expect there will be other children someday.” Her gaze was far away, vacant. “Little clusters of chaos—in a cosmic sense. Change is drawn to change.”

“And you’re sure there’s nothing we need to do, no one we need to save?”

“He won’t remember, and it could have steep ramifications.” She cocked her head. “But I’ll tell you how to save some people who were important to Evan in his first life. You can act on it if you wish. He’ll never know one way or the other.”

Tony nodded slowly.

“In terms of where you go in this life, tell Evan about the greed aspect of his mother’s aspirations, but not the need for his bone marrow.” She had that look again, like she was looking out into many possible futures.

“Oh?”

“It’s a small thing to leave out, but in his first life, they made it sound like he was a savior sibling and that all he was created for was to save his brother.”

“So they never told him he was only a half match?”

“No. But he never recovered from feeling defective.”

“Ah. And that issue could remain if I bring up that they only wanted him for bone marrow.”

“It could. Telling him of his brother without specifically saying that’s why Evan was kept around would be something he carries with him forever.”

“Hmm. I’ll have to consider it. Leaving it out entirely for him to possibly find out as an adult seems like he’d view it as a betrayal. Careful wording seems better?”

She looked distant again. “I see paths where this is successful. I perhaps warn too much.”

“No, the warning was needed. Because I need to think through my approach very carefully, but I clearly need to tell him.”

“Yes. He will always be very intolerant of feeling like he’s being lied to because he now believes everyone has been lying to him. Best let him know his sister was unaware before he sees her because he’s wondering if she’s guilty as well.” She gave him her full attention again. “As for the sister, I see your heart, and it’s good to offer her a place to go if she needs help, but she will not separate from her current path. She seeks to be away from Evan as much as her parents.

“She will be angry about the lying and deceptions and eager to have the truth of her other brother set free, but she resents being forced into a parental role and feels guilt for her resentment. Unfortunately, her conflicted feelings led her to a very abusive relationship the last time. She didn’t want more ties to Evan at that stage in her life, so she wouldn’t reach out to him, but she couldn’t bear to ask for help from her parents.”

Tony frowned. “So what can be done?”

“If she doesn’t have any of the tugs of guilt for Evan’s situation for the next few years, she might react differently when her relationship turns abusive.” Her fingers flexed oddly. “The path is there. If she knows she could walk into a no-strings option away from her family with no worries about guilt, she might make better choices. That said, her personality has developed a very selfish bent that you’ll have to guard against.”

“I’ll take care, I promise.”

She touched his cheek. “Enjoy your life, Antonio. If I could have given you another childhood, I would have.”

“I’m grateful for whatever we have.”

In a blink, he was staring up at the dark hotel room ceiling; the sounds of two other people breathing deeply met his ears, and he relaxed into the bed. Blowing out a shaky breath, he mentally restructured the next day, hoping he could find a few moments alone with Lou.

~*~

Tony’s day wasn’t really going how he wanted, but it had the potential to be productive. Lou was meeting Margaret at Evan’s school—which was open for summer school for a few classes—to get Evan’s school records. It was an easy thing to cross off the list, and likely something they would need later.

Evan had said there was one friend he wanted to say goodbye to, but the kid would be leaving tomorrow for summer vacation. So Tony had reached out after breakfast to see about getting them together ahead of time, and as a result, Lou was dropping Evan off to spend a few hours with his buddy before meeting Margaret. He’d then pick him up after lunch.

In the interim, Tony had a lot of phone calls to make.

“Hello?”

“Is this Maddie Buckley?”

“Yes, who is this?”

“My name is Tony DiNozzo. Did your mother call you about me?” Margaret was supposed to.

“She left me a message and said you’d be calling and that you had stuff to tell me about some things going on in the family.”

Tony sighed. That was completely unhelpful. “Ms. Buckley, to be blunt, I’m Evan’s biological father.”

There was a long pause before a screeched, “What?”

“Could you give her a call to confirm that bit? It would allow this conversation to go a lot faster.”

After another pause, she asked, “Ohio, right?”

“Yes, actually. October 1990.”

“Yeah, I know. They were fighting all the time back then. We were in Ohio for some…stuff.”

“Daniel,” Tony supplied.

She sucked in a sharp breath.

“I wasn’t going to let Margaret get away with not explaining everything.

“Oh.” Everything went silent, and then she sniffled. “I haven’t talked about him in so long.”

“That was a really shitty thing for them to do to you. I’m sorry. I can’t imagine what it’s like to lose a child, but I’m sure it’s very hard to lose your brother, too. And to be forced to be quiet about him—to forget he exists—is cruel.”

“I don’t— I mean— They were grieving.”

“They were selfish,” Tony countered. “But I’m not here to manage your expectations of your parents. Evan is coming to live with me, and I’m sure he’d like to say goodbye to you before we go.”

“Oh, wow. Are you sure? I mean, that’s a lot of responsibility.”

“Ms. Buckley, with all due respect, you don’t even know me. I’m a full-grown man with two master’s degrees who has been working in law enforcement for several years. You’re eighteen and headed off to college the minute you could sprint out the door, no doubt for very good reason considering that I’ve been to your house—”

“You don’t know anything about my family,” she shot back.

“Ms. Buckley, I know more about your family and their dirty secrets than you do. I don’t normally let teenagers get my back up like this, but the day I let an eighteen-year-old who hasn’t even had her first college class question my choice to raise my own son will be a cold day in hell.” He took a steadying breath, able to see that he and Maddie Buckley were going to rub each other the wrong way. “Now, would you like to come to dinner so you can say goodbye to Evan?”

“I— Did you know about him all these years?”

“Of course not. Otherwise he’d have been raised by me rather than in a home where the only person who loved him was a sister who wasn’t allowed to grieve, much less mention, her first brother.”

She made a little wounded noise. “My parents…” she trailed off. “I don’t know what I’m saying. I don’t know anything. I can tell I’ve made you mad.”

“Mad is the wrong word. You definitely set my teeth on edge asking me if I wanted the responsibility for my own child.”

“You don’t even know Evan,” she said weakly.

“Which is hardly the point and makes you sound even sillier. Now, I’d really like you to get to say goodbye to him, and he’d be crushed if you didn’t come, but I’d like you to not bring up Daniel. I need to break that to him gradually. He’s acting like this is all an adventure, but it’s going to catch up to him and—”

“Yeah. It’s— Damn. I’m sorry I’m being bratty.” She blew out an exaggerated breath that sounded shaky at the same time. “I can come for dinner. I assume you’re still in Hershey?”

“Yes. But please allow some time for me to talk to you afterward. I’m sure Evan would like some time alone with you, but after that, you and I need to have a chat about the things I’ve learned so far.”

“And you won’t tell me ahead of time?”

“I suspect they’ll piss you off, to be honest, and I’d rather you keep your head in the game and focus on Evan and saying goodbye to him. Then I can tell you what you need to know to make the decisions about your life. I suspect the two of you are headed in different directions for some time. And you certainly deserve your time and space to come into your own as an adult, free of responsibilities for a child and free of the burden of secrets you should never have been asked to keep.”

She sniffled again. “Okay, yeah. I’ll free up the whole evening. Are you sure he’s yours though? I remember Mom and Dad’s fights from back then and how she’d disappear for hours at a time…”

“He looks like a copy of me when I was a kid, but if it sets your mind at ease, we’ll be getting a paternity test because it will be needed to change his birth certificate.”

“Wow, okay. If you look like Evan, then you look like Daniel. I’m trying to figure out why Mom would… You know what, I’m going to actively try not to think about that. Ever again.”

“Smart choice.”

“Ew ew ew.”

“Stop thinking about it.”

“I need to think about something else! Immediately!”

“Get a piece of paper and a pen,” Tony ordered, trying not to laugh at her angst. “I’ll give you the hotel address. Call when you get here, and we’ll meet you in the lobby. I’m sure you have better recommendations for a dinner place than Evan does.”

She laughed. “For sure. He’s the all-burger network if you give him the choice. I’ll be there by five, maybe? I recognize the address, and I know there’s a park about half a mile away. I can hang out with Evan for an hour or so, and then we can go to dinner. Play it by ear after?”

She was very used to subtly taking charge, but Tony didn’t have any reason to push on any of those points. “Sure. Give a call when you’re here. My partner is with us, and he’ll be joining us for dinner.”

“Oh. Okay. See you then.”

He made some mental notes about how to better handle Maddie when he had his private conversation with her this evening, then made a call to his lawyer in Philadelphia. He’d sent them emails last night, so the firm was expecting to hear from him today. His personal attorney handled more financial and estate issues, with a little civil litigation thrown in when necessary, but family law was someone else in his firm.

He was full-on mentally fried by the time he got off the phone. It had seemed like he’d need to take pages of notes, but the attorney had promised his secretary would send a summary of everything, including a timeline and to-do list as soon as the call ended. The call wasn’t actually that long, but it was a lot.

Fortunately, from this point forward, a lot was in the hands of the law firm. They’d have a paralegal in Hershey tomorrow with the first set of documents to be signed and notarized. There’d potentially be another day of back and forth, but they might only need to stay in the area for two or three more days. The long haul was Margaret giving up her parental rights, the paternity test, and getting the birth certificate changed.

Since there was nothing he could do about the long-pole stuff, he put it out of his mind and considered what else needed to be done. They probably needed to do a full assessment of Evan’s things and make sure he had the right things for the road trip. Also, some of his stuff could be mailed to Evan’s storage unit in New Jersey rather than take up a lot of space in the 4Runner if it wasn’t helpful for the trip. He also wanted to be sure to check with Maddie that Evan had actually gotten everything that mattered out of that house. Maybe he could rely on her to do a thorough check…? He added it to the to-do list.

A text came in from Lou—the abbreviated sort on a flip phone—that basically said he was on his way back. Tony inferred Evan would be another couple of hours at his friend’s.

Impulsively, Tony dialed a number he always had saved on his phone, though he never used it.

To his surprise, the call was answered, even though the number had to be unknown. “This is Clive.”

Tony blew out a breath. “Uncle Clive, it’s Anthony. Well, Antonio now.”

There was a long silence. “Well, goodness. It’s good to hear from you, my boy. Your name is like mother’s younger brother. He was always fond of you.”

That had been on Tony’s mind when he’d made the concession to Mike. His uncle Antonio had always been one of his favorite relatives. “I know this is sudden, and I know you all had wanted me to give you space—”

“No,” Clive interjected firmly. “No, absolutely not. We— I never wanted space from you. I’m going to find your father and— Well, I’m too well bred to admit to murderous intent over the telephone. That utter scoundrel. He made it clear on several occasions that you wanted nothing to do with us. He even reinforced it in writing when we sent you any form of correspondence.”

Tony sputtered. “I’m going to kill him, and I haven’t seen him since I was twelve.”

“Twelve!?”

“It’s a long story.” Tony rubbed his forehead. “I repeatedly asked when I was sent to boarding school to talk to Mother’s family, and he said you didn’t want…” Tony trailed off.

“Oh, Antonio, no. What a wretched man. But I must apologize because we should have tried harder.”

“I don’t blame you, Uncle. Honestly, he’s a horrible person. I guess there’s a lot more to tell you than I even expected, and I have so little time right now. I was calling to let you know that I just found out I have a son. He’s eight, and his mother never bothered to inform me that he existed. I’m taking steps to get custody of him.”

“Do you need help? Funds? Legal counsel?”

“No, none of that. My attorney has it covered. My son is already with me, and I should have at least legal guardianship within forty-eight hours. I just hoped maybe… Well, that there was a chance he might have more sense of family than I had growing up. That he might get to know you or Uncle Jeffery. Grandfather, possibly, if he’s not too angry.”

“He’s not angry. And, yes, we want to know the newest addition to the family. Oh, my boy, this is so wonderful. Are you sure you don’t need anything?”

“Well, I think we’re probably due for a longer talk to explain a lot of things, but I was calling in between moments of chaos. I figured I’d get your voicemail and… I don’t even know what I thought, but this is better than anything I could have imagined.”

“Your son deserves family, Antonio, but so do you. This number is a good one for you?”

“Yes, and let me give you my email address, if that’s okay? It might be easier for me to get all the background out in email so I don’t have to worry about eight-year-old ears.”

“Yes, I remember Crispian’s incessant curiosity. I’m sure you’ll question what all to say, but please do explain everything. Start when you were twelve. Or even eight. I think the last time I had any reliable news about you was likely at my sister’s funeral.”

“I can do that, I think. Might feel like an overshare, but—”

“Please…Overshare. Let’s cover the past in whatever method of communication is convenient. And with your leave, I’ll share with my brother and father.”

“Yes, of course.” Tony had completely forgotten that Grandfather Jasper hadn’t died until 2002. Uncle Jefferey had passed a few years later. Tony rattled off his email address and got Uncle Clive’s in return.

“One more question before you go… What is your boy’s name?”

“Evan Nathaniel. Though I’ll let him change any aspect of his name he wishes. He’s certainly earned the right.”

“Part of that story, eh?”

“Part of the story.”

“It was so good to hear from you, my boy.”

With more reluctance than he expected, Tony completed his goodbyes to his uncle, utterly surprised at how the call had gone. He added Anthony DiNozzo Sr. to his list of things to do something about.

Then the door opened, and Lou walked in with subs. “They’re having lunch, and then I’ll pick him up. Everything go okay?”

Tony looked up from where he was sitting at the hotel desk, with papers and notes all over. “I feel like I’m in a do-over.”

Lou hesitated. “What do you mean?”

“Sometimes it’s surreal. Like dreaming I’ve lived a whole life, one where I tried too hard to keep what I had and wound up with nothing but betrayal. Died too young and for some reason got a do-over.”

Lou sat down hard on the bed. “Or lived a long life, but one day you hear an old partner had died. Bled out in an alley. It was covered up, but you look into it, burn some favors, find out some of what happened. It sits like acid in your stomach. You think about the moments you had to reach out and say, ‘Don’t go to Baltimore.’”

“Lou…” Tony’s eyes stung. “Nothing that happened to me was your fault. I don’t know that I’d have done any different if you had asked.”

“The whole problem is that we can never know, right?” He gave a mirthless laugh. “How’d you know?”

“I had a strange dream that we’re in the same boat. A boat that feels so surreal it can’t be reality. Better to know that we’re in this together, right?”

Lou’s lips barely quirked up. “Yeah. Together.” They obviously needed to talk about it more at some point. They’d both been given opportunities to come back in time for some reason. It bore some serious discussion, but the emotional was more important than the analytical.

Tony got up and sat next to his partner on the bed. “You okay?”

“Not exactly.” He curled a hand around Tony’s wrist. “You real?”

Tony pushed Lou back so he was lying down and curled up next to him, resting his head on Lou’s shoulder, arms holding on tight. “I’m hoping I feel real because we should circle back to that pin.”

Lou’s chest vibrated with startled laughter as he slid his hand up and down Tony’s back. “Since you have a son, I’m assuming you’re bi, at the least, or was that a college jock thing?”

“Bi, though I kept that under lock and key for the most part due to the job. You?”

“Gay. California made it easier in a lot of ways. Not that there aren’t still issues, but eventually there are a lot of programs protecting out, gay civil servants of whatever type.”

“I’m still good with our meandering plan, but I’m really into you. I just wanted to be sure that was out there.”

Lou tipped Tony’s chin up and laid a soft kiss on his mouth, the press of lips lingering just long enough to not be mistaken for chaste. “Wherever we meander, we should definitely keep this pin.”

Tony leaned up for another kiss. “Agreed.”