The Hand of Fate – Three – DizzyDrea

By the time Chris returned to the bridge, Admiral April was waiting to speak to him. Chris settled into his chair as Uhura accepted the comm signal.

“Admiral April,” Chris said, nodding at his superior officer.

“Captain Pike,” April said. “It sounds like you’ve had a helluva day.”

“Yes, sir, we have,” Chris said. “I’ve spoken to Commander Pelia and Lieutenant Spock about the damage and required repairs. Right now, we’re looking at a minimum of six hours on the repairs, and that’s if everything goes well.”

“Do they know what happened?” April asked warily.

Chris couldn’t blame him, because he knew what he’d learned would upend the fleet. “Metallurgical analysis shows that the baffle plate that failed had some weaknesses that weren’t found during inspection. Spock says it’s possible that this batch never even went through inspection because there was no certificate filed with the part when it was installed on Enterprise.”

“Jesus,” April said, rubbing a hand over his face. “If that whole batch is bad, there are likely multiple ships out in the black with ticking time bombs in their warp engines.”

“Yes, sir,” Chris said. “Pelia’s recommendation is for us to take it slow from now on. Obviously, we’ll need to return to Earth, but that trip will be considerably slower because we’ll need to baby the warp engine as much as we can.”

“Estimates on how long it’ll take you to return to Earth?” April asked. “Because Enterprise is being recalled effective immediately, along with every other ship in the fleet. Any ships already in spacedock are being inspected as we speak. I don’t want to take any chances.”

“Agreed, sir,” Chris said. “Pelia’s suggestion was to travel at low warp and stop for two hours every four, at a minimum, to cool the engines. The less stress we put on the remaining baffle plates, the better.”

“So, at least a week,” April said, clearly doing some quick and dirty math in his head. “Just keep me posted on your progress, and if you see anything concerning, you’re to drop out of warp and signal the fleet. Hopefully we’ll have at least a couple of ships up and running by the time you get underway, just in case you need a rescue.”

“Thank you, sir,” Chris said. “We’ll be vigilant. No one wants the ship to blow up, least of all me.”

April gave him a speaking look, but Chris just shook his head. April nodded, as if agreeing that now wasn’t the time for that conversation. Not that Chris thought he’d wait very long once Enterprise was back in the Sol system, but he hadn’t even given the larger ramifications of his situation any thought. What hope did he have of explaining it to Bob if he couldn’t even explain it to himself?

“Once Pelia and Spock finish their analysis of the failed baffle plate and the ensuing accident, I’ll forward that to you,” Chris said.

“And the wounded?” April asked.

“Commander Chin-Riley took the worst of it,” Chris said. “She was in Engineering inspecting some recent repairs when the baffle plate failed. She averted a catastrophic failure by slapping an emergency shield over the failure, then evacuating that section before she activated the emergency bulkhead. She’s currently recovering in Sickbay. A shoulder injury and a concussion are the worst of it at this point.”

“And the radiation exposure?” April asked, a knowing look in his eyes. “Because that sort of failure should have flooded the compartment with Delta radiation.”

“It did,” Chris acknowledged. “Fortunately, her Illyrian healing abilities activated just as she arrived in Sickbay via the Emergency Medical Transporter. The radiation exposure had already been healed by the time medical personnel began treating her. No one else suffered exposure due to her quick actions. It’s mostly bumps and bruises at this point.”

“Good,” April said, something like relief mixed with guilt flashing over his face. “When you’re able, let her know that I’m sending my thoughts and well wishes her way.”

“Will do,” Chris said. “Enterprise out.”

The Admiral’s image flashed away, replaced by a familiar starfield. Chris took a deep breath. He could understand Bob’s reaction to Una’s healing ability, but he still resented the fuck out of all of them for what they tried to do to her. He’d risked his career to protect her, but not even her mentor had been willing to do the same. Thankfully, Starfleet had accepted the compromise solution her lawyer had come up with, but he still believed it never should have come to that.

Dwelling on that at this point was an indulgence he didn’t have time for. Straightening his uniform shirt, he took a deep breath and put it all back in the box he usually kept it in. He glanced up to find Erica had spun around in her seat, obviously waiting for him to give the order to prepare for their trip home.

“Lieutenant Ortega, you’ll want to coordinate with Pelia on the return trip to Earth,” Chris said. “We’re going to lean on her expertise and your skill in the coming days.”

“Yes, sir,” Erica said as she spun around and started working at her terminal. “I’ve already calculated for a warp 2 return, but I didn’t factor in the time necessary to cool down the engines. I’ll work with her to make sure my plan meets her expectations.”

“Good,” Chris said. He turned to La’an, who was also facing him, still seated at the Security station. “Number One, anything to report?”

“I received a report from Sickbay on the training incident this morning,” she said. “I’ve spoken to the officer leading that particular training session. He was already working on a report. We’ll discuss an appropriate punishment and let you know what we come up with.”

“Very good,” Chris said. He was grateful for the competence of the people he’d chosen for his ship. On days like this, it was a relief to know he had people who could handle anything thrown at them. “We’re probably going to need some rearrangement of personnel and shifts due to the injuries from the accident in Engineering. Work with Pelia to make sure they’re fully staffed for the duration of the return trip.” He paused. “Were any of the idiots from the fight this morning assigned to Engineering?”

“All of them, sir,” La’an said.

Chris wanted to rant about idiots with too much time on their hands and not enough sense, but he stuffed that impulse down deep and just took another deep breath. The look on La’an’s face told him she agreed, even if he hadn’t voiced his opinion out loud.

“Right.” He sighed. “We can’t afford to enforce punishment at the moment, given our current situation, but it should be made clear to each of them that punishment is coming as soon as the current crisis is over.”

“Of course, sir,” La’an said. “I’ll be sure to deliver that message personally.”

Chris flashed a smile. “You do that.”

“Aye, sir,” she said, nodding her head.

“I’ll be in my Ready Room working on the report to Fleet Command if you need me,” Chris said. He stood and straightened his uniform, even though he knew it didn’t need it. “You have the bridge, Number One.”

“Aye, sir,” La’an said as she rose and quickly took over the chair.

Satisfied that everything was in hand, he headed for his office. Time alone was probably the last thing he wanted, but he could certainly use a cup of coffee and some time to process everything.

~0~

Three Years Ago

“You look tired, Chris,” Admiral April said as he set a cup of coffee in front of him. The Admiral sat down at the head of the table and turned his chair to look at Chris, who’d taken his usual seat to the right of the head chair, as he sipped at his own cup. He raised an eyebrow when Chris said nothing. “You’ve been like this for a while. I know the rank makes it difficult to confide in me, but I’m still your friend. That hasn’t changed, and it won’t if I have anything to say about it.”

Chris sighed. He’d kept so many secrets from his boss—let alone his friend, Bob—that it was difficult to open up and put voice to even one without feeling as though he were pushing a burden on the man that he didn’t deserve.

“It’s… I’ve had a lot going on,” Chris said. When Bob opened his mouth to reply, Chris shook his head. “It’s no kind of excuse, I know. And I know I’m not the only one carrying a burden, but it feels like the fate of the galaxy is on my head. I’ve never been more tired in my life.”

“Can you tell me why you feel this way?” Bob asked. “Because being the captain of the Enterprise is all you’ve ever wanted. If it’s too much, we can work on a new posting for you. Something with less pressure, less of the entire galaxy depending on you.”

“I can handle it,” Chris said. “It’s not that burden, per se. It’s… Something happened to me that I’m still trying to come to terms with.”

“This has something to do with your time on Discovery, doesn’t it?” Bob asked as he sat back. Chris grimaced; he could wish Bob wasn’t so intuitive, but that’s what made him a good leader. “It does, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah, it does,” Chris said. “The monks on Boreth warned me that the only way I was getting my hands on a time crystal was if I accepted my fate. A fate they showed me in garish technicolor. It was… horrific.”

“You could have told them no,” Bob said. “You could have found another way to protect Discovery.” He huffed. “Hell, Chris, I know you. You don’t give up until you’ve exhausted every option you can think of, and then you go out and find some more, just in case.”

“In this case, sending Discovery to the future was the best choice we could make,” Chris said. “It wasn’t what any of us wanted. Spock lost his sister, for fuck’s sake. But it was the only way to keep Discovery’s database out of Control’s hands.”

“So, what was this fate that you saw on Boreth?” Bob asked. “Had to be bad for you to mope around for the last six years.”

“I’m not moping,” Chris said, but it sounded petulant even to his own ears. “Four years from now, give or take, I’m supposed to be captaining a training cruise on the USS Lucas. There will be an accident in Engineering—a baffle plate is going to rupture—and I’ll be instrumental in saving the lives of the crew on the ship. As a result of the accident, I will be disabled from the fleet due to massive Delta radiation exposure. I’ll be so damaged that I’ll be confined to a wheelchair and unable to communicate except to answer yes-or-no questions via a fucking blinking light.”

Bob set aside his cup and rubbed both hands over his face. “That’s… I can’t even find the words to describe how horrific that sounds. Are you sure there’s no way to avoid this fate? You can’t warn someone about the accident or make sure the people who’d have been on the ship are elsewhere?”

“I’ve been warned that if I try to change my fate in any way, the unintended consequences could… start a war,” Chris said quietly. “I’ve already fought in one war, Bob. It wrecked me in ways I’m still trying to get a handle on. There’s no way I want to risk starting another one.”

“No, I get that,” Bob said. He sighed. “I just have to wonder when the universe decided to make you its punching bag.”

Chris barked out a laugh. He set aside his cup and leaned back. “I don’t know. I’ve done some good over the last seven years. I don’t feel like the universe’s punching bag. It’s just… I’ve reconciled myself to my fate. I can’t change it, so I’ve stopped trying.”

“And it feels like you’ve stopped trying to live your life, too,” Bob said. Chris opened his mouth to protest, but Bob raised a hand to forestall it. “Look, maybe it’s none of my business, but you were happy with Marie. I know why that ended, and believe me, that’s part of the universe using you as a punching bag, but knowing what’s coming doesn’t mean you get to disrespect the gift of life you received. None of us are allowed to do that. We have a duty to live, even if we know we don’t have as much time in this world as we’d like. Live, laugh, love. Just don’t shut out the people who care about you. We can’t help you if you don’t let us in.”

“At the time, it seemed easier to just distance myself from anything that looked like happiness,” Chris admitted. “Because I know you’re all going to lose me. I mean, I’m not going to die, but I am going to be trapped in a broken body that no one can heal. I’ll be a burden, no matter how much I wish it were different.”

“Friendship is never a burden,” Bob said quietly. “And fuck you for thinking any of us would bail on you when you need us most.”

Chris chuckled. “I don’t think any of you are going to abandon me, Bob. Least of all you. But that doesn’t mean I don’t understand the reality: you’re all going to move on and live your lives. Meanwhile, I’ll be stuck in the moment of the accident. The best I can hope for is that I won’t live in pain for the rest of my life. Hell, I won’t even be able to hold a phaser to my head if I want to end it all.”

Bob looked at him, with something like panic in his eyes. “I sincerely hope you don’t see suicide as a viable exit plan.”

“I don’t plan to kill myself,” Chris said, rolling his eyes. “My very Catholic father would roll over in his grave if I even seriously contemplated it.”

“You don’t even believe in all that stuff,” Bob said. “But I’m glad to hear you’re not thinking about a permanent end after the accident. Who knows? Something we learn while treating you could be the key to more successful treatments for Delta radiation in the future.”

“Huh, hadn’t thought of it that way,” Chris said. “Maybe that’s part of why the monks said I couldn’t change my fate once I accepted the time crystal.”

“Because it’s not just your fate that’ll change,” Bob said. “It could mean that your fate is a pivot point of a sort. Maybe there’s more at stake than just your fate.”

“Like that war I accidentally start, just by being me?” Chris asked. “Yeah, I’ve thought about that. The… vision I had seemed to imply that my command style was directly responsible for starting that war. That the reason why I wasn’t in the chair on Enterprise is that my actions would differ materially from my successor’s, and his strategy would be better in the moment, and would change the outcome of that event.”

“And by changing that one event, the war would be averted,” Bob said. “That’s huge. Like, fate-of-the-universe huge.”

“I know,” Chris said with a sigh. “Ultimately, that’s why I stopped fighting against my fate. Because the fate of a few people is one thing. The fate of the entire galaxy is something else entirely.”

“Because the war you start wouldn’t stay confined to just us and whoever our enemy is,” Bob said. Chris noted he hadn’t asked who his future self had faced off against. He’d tell him, of course, but sometimes foreknowledge could work against you. “It could ripple out until the whole galaxy is on fire. Hell, Chris.”

“Right,” Chris said. He paused. “I’m really okay, you know. I might not be living a full, extravagant life right now, but that doesn’t mean I’m not living. I still have close friendships with the crew, and I still host Captain’s Dinners for them. I still enjoy cooking, and I went hiking in the Mountain biosphere last week. I’m doing okay, I promise.”

“Okay, I get it,” Bob said, holding his hands up. “I won’t mention it again.”

He got up, requested a fresh cup of coffee from the replicator, and brought another for Chris when he returned to the table.

“How are the repairs going?” Bob asked as he settled back into his chair.

“Everything is on schedule,” Chris said, grateful for the change of subject. “They’ve just started some upgrades on the warp engines. Pelia is overseeing that work personally, despite me ordering her to take some time off.”

“I saw the partial refit on the schedule,” Bob said. “New baffle plates and a host of other upgrades. Stuff that should have been done the last time Enterprise was in spacedock, but we ran out of time.”

“Well, Enterprise is the flagship of the fleet,” Chris said. “It wouldn’t do to park her in spacedock for a year while the rest of the fleet has all the fun.”

“I get it,” Bob said. “In all fairness, the issue with the holographic communications system had to take priority the last time Enterprise was in spacedock. If we hadn’t been able to fix that, the ship would have been a dead loss. That would have been more embarrassing than anything, so I’m glad they were able to resolve that issue.”

“Me too,” Chris said. “As much as I enjoyed my time on Discovery, I missed Enterprise like a severed limb. It was good to get back.”

“For more than one reason, I’m sure,” Bob said. “The last update I saw estimated completion of all repairs and upgrades in another week. Maybe sooner if they don’t run into any issues along the way. I’ll have your new orders in a couple of days. We’re waiting on some intelligence before we make a final call, but I think it’s safe to say you’ll be headed for the Klingon Neutral Zone again.”

“Anything on the Gorn yet?” Chris asked.

Bob shook his head. “No significant activity that we can see, but we’ll have you swing by and take a peek. Their hibernation cycle won’t last forever, so we want to be sure we know the moment it looks like they’re coming out of it.”

“We’ll keep our eyes peeled,” Chris said.

“Good,” Bob said. “You’re coming to dinner tonight, right?”

“Yes, Dad, I’m coming,” Chris said, his long-suffering tone mostly a put-on. “Phil left me a message this morning to remind me to bring Una. It’ll be nice to see him and Sylvia again. And your wife, too.”

“Millie’s been looking forward to it since she found out Enterprise would be at Starbase 1 for her refit,” Bob said. “It doesn’t hurt that Phil promised to serve a coffee roast with dessert that’ll change your life. His coffee is always hell and gone better than the replicated stuff.”

“Well, he buys and grinds his own beans,” Chris said. “Visiting him in his office on Enterprise was always my favorite part of any day because he was never stingy about sharing. I never could figure out how he kept it so fresh on long deployments.”

“He paid for a stasis unit to be installed in Sickbay to hold his coffee,” Bob said, drawing a chuckle out of Chris. “Said he wasn’t going into space with crap coffee. I don’t think any of us wanted to know what Phillip Boyce would be like without access to his precious beans.”

“No, I think you’re right,” Chris said.

Their conversation meandered through several more topics, but thankfully Bob never brought up the business about his fate again. He didn’t begrudge his friend his concern, but Chris had come to terms with his fate a long time ago. Every day brought him closer to the day when his life would change forever, and he didn’t need to be reminded of that, even if his friends had the best of intentions.

~0~

Cast (from top right):
Anson Mount & Rebecca Romijn, Babs Olusanmokun, Jess Bush, Carol Kane, Christina Chong, Ethan Peck, Adrian Holmes