Sky Ain’t The Limit – Chapter 8 – ScarsLikeVelvet

Chapter 8 – Recovery

Evan woke up slowly. His eyes fluttered open, and he breathed, feeling calm in a very artificial way. He knew a guide—his papa, from the feel of it—was manipulating his emotions. Familiar smells registered with him, and he knew that he was home.

Home in Cascade.

Not the temporary home he and Oliver had made in Los Angeles.

Something inside him relaxed more. He understood perfectly well that he had lost time because he had been sedated again for his own safety, and this time he had been transported to where he had wanted to go in the first place, to acclimate to civilian life again.

He rolled over onto his side, feeling stiff and strangely off-kilter, yet that void inside of him wasn’t hurting as badly as it had just, however long it had been since that sucky day at the Sentinel and Guide Centre.

Evan slowly stretched his muscles from the tips of his toes to the top of his head, relaxing some more, which felt counter-intuitive to his training, but he trusted what he was feeling and trusted that he was safe in his parents’ care, in their territory where no one could gainsay their decisions regarding their care of him.

Eventually, Evan sat up in his comfortable childhood bed and took in the room, realising that absolutely nothing had changed. It was clear the room was being dusted regularly, but otherwise it still looked the way he had left it. He couldn’t even articulate what this meant to the Sentinel in him.

Evan knew that he wasn’t confined to his bed or room, so he slowly stood and wandered into the en-suite bathroom where he took care of his business before stripping out of what little clothing had been left on him and taking a shower.

Feeling the water wash away the sticky feeling of sweat on his skin felt heavenly, and he tilted his head back into the stream, allowing the flow of water to drown out the world for a few more minutes. He knew he would need to face the world, more specifically his parents and likely Oliver, in the next few minutes.

With a soft sigh, he shut off the water and reached for a towel to pat himself dry.

Naked as the day he was born, he walked back into his bedroom and found all the things he had bought in Los Angeles inside his walk-in closet. He grabbed comfy sweats and a t-shirt, everything made from natural fibres and washed with sentinel-safe detergent.

Evan contemplated wearing socks, but he didn’t feel like it. It was more effort than he felt was worth, so he eventually gave in and left his room, giving into the gentle prodding he could feel from his Spirit Guide, even though the honey badger was invisible.

He took his time walking through the sprawling building, taking in the small changes his time away had brought. The electronics were more modern, but everything else seemed to be mostly the same. With a soft shake of his head, he drew himself away from the things he was using to distract himself and wandered into the kitchen, where he knew his parents were both waiting.

Without hesitation, he walked straight into his dad’s arms, and Jim Ellison wrapped his son, his fellow Sentinel into a tight hug, knowing without words what the younger man needed. He scent-marked him in the way their Spirit Guides had done to them since the beginning.

“How are you feeling?” Jim inquired softly, his hand resting against the back of Evan’s neck, not allowing the younger Sentinel to retreat in the way he had done when Evan had been a boy.

Evan hesitated for a moment. He knew what he was about to say wouldn’t surprise either Jim or Blair, but he also knew it would hurt his father to hear what was going on inside him.

“I am suicidal … but I think you know that,” he whispered, allowing Jim to take his weight. “I wanted to end it all after the stunt that bitch pulled … I thought about it for hours, I think … but when I tried…”

He trailed off for a moment and thought about the last impressions he had had before things had turned dark.

“A Guide stopped me, I think. He told me ‘No’ before he administered a sedative. My Spirit Guide didn’t stop him …,” he trailed off again and shook his head. “I also feel … weird.”

“Weird how?” Blair questioned as he approached and rested his hand against Evan’s back.

“I don’t feel as raw as I did when I tried,” he murmured and allowed his head to thump against his dad’s shoulder, where he started to just breathe.

Blair and Jim shared a smile over his head. They knew who the man who had stopped their son from killing himself was and what he was to Evan, but it wasn’t time yet. Evan was too raw from the loss of Kenneth a couple of months ago and the non-consensual bond that had nearly been forced on him.

The female Guide who had tried it hadn’t just gone dormant after how the Psionic Plane had punished her through Evan’s Spirit Guide. She was currently in a coma, and from what the doctors said, it was unlikely she would survive the abrupt loss of her connection to the Psionic Plane long-term. Not that they would tell Evan this right now. It was too much for him to know that in the defence of him, his Spirit Guide had killed.

“That is good to know,” Blair said gently, rubbing along his son’s spine soothingly, knowing it would relax the young Sentinel in a way that was natural to them.

Evan remained silent for a few more minutes until his stomach growled.

Blair chuckled.

“Sit down at the table. The food is nearly ready,” he said.

Evan reluctantly left the safe embrace and meandered over to the table.

“What will happen now?” he asked softly. He knew his life of freedom would be gone for a while.

Blair placed a plate with his favourite comfort foods down in front of him, before sitting down beside him, while Jim sat down across from him. Both took a sip from their coffee mugs before Jim answered.

“You’ll be staying with us,” he told his son firmly. “There is therapy in your future, though it will happen online, so there is no risk of a Guide attempting what the last one did. You need to work through your issues before they eat you up alive.”

Evan swallowed the bite he had taken and huffed softly.

“I don’t want therapy,” he admitted.

“I know, son,” Jim replied gently. “But you need it … desperately. Even I can feel how raw you are … your shielding is practically gone and only the fact that you tolerate your Papa and occasionally Daniel buffering you is the reason why you are here and not in a closed ward at the Centre.”

“I trust you,” Evan muttered.

“I know,” Jim acknowledged. “And we trust you … we want to help you.”

Evan remained silent for a long while, but eventually he nodded, knowing that either he agreed to therapy and started to work on himself or he would eventually be remanded into a facility where he would wait for dormancy to set in and live out his life.

He knew what he wanted, and it wasn’t the facility. Evan hated the thought of therapy, but the fact that his parents were willing to allow online therapy instead of in-person treatment was amazing.

“Of course, I will be taking your emotional pulse twenty-four seven given that the therapist can’t, but you are used to that,” Blair said, because he had been doing that since Evan’s childhood.

Evan huffed out a sad little laugh.

“I wouldn’t expect anything less,” he admitted before focusing on his food.

Jim and Blair allowed it. They both knew the time ahead of them wouldn’t be easy.

—————

Evan sat under his favourite tree in the backyard. He leaned against the tree trunk while talking to his therapist, Nora Wiley, using the rough bark to distract himself from his own feelings. He didn’t want to acknowledge them just yet, but he did talk to her.

Despite hating the thought, he opened up about the things he was allowed to talk about from his military service, something Nora was certified to hear, and slowly worked up the courage to talk about the day he found his first Guide and eventually about the day he had lost him.

It took him literally years, during which he remained under his fathers’ tender care, to work through his issues. Often, Oliver was by his side, and what helped even more was a nebulous presence he could feel inside of him, which was keeping its distance though.

Evan tried to approach the nebulous presence during his blue dreams, but he was never able to close in on either the human or their Spirit Guide. They kept their distance, but Evan also knew on a visceral level that this distance wasn’t a rejection.

When he finally talked to Oliver, his closest confidante, about the presence, his best friend rolled his eyes fondly and pulled Evan into a tight hug.

“You are incredibly dense for someone as intelligent as you are,” the slightly older Sentinel stated with a fond eye roll.

“What are you saying, Ghost?” Evan questioned.

“Use that big brain of yours, Badger. What was it you told your parents when you woke up in your bedroom here?” Oliver asked him, giving his side a gentle poke.

Evan blinked, leaned back against the bark of his favourite tree, and used the sensation to ground himself while he thought about what Oliver had asked him.

“I said I didn’t feel as raw as when I tried to … to jump,” he said. It was still hard for him to talk about his suicidal tendencies in the wake of losing Kenneth, but he didn’t hesitate about it as much as he had in the beginning.

Oliver inclined his head.

“And?” he asked, giving Evan another gentle poke to get him to continue this train of thought, but it became clear that Evan didn’t know what was going on, so he smiled.

“I don’t know what you are asking me,” Evan admitted, leaning his head against Oliver’s shoulder. And his friend wrapped his arm around him and pulled him closer.

Oliver pressed a gentle kiss against his best friend’s temple and huffed softly.

“You aren’t usually this dense, Badger,” he remarked with a smile. “But I will spell part of it out for you … let’s hope you make the connection.”

Evan tilted his head and looked at him with all the curiosity of a young kitten.

“What is the one thing that eases the void inside of a Sentinel?” Oliver asked, bopping Evan’s nose gently with his index finger.

Evan scrunched up his nose. It felt as if he had shoved away this part of knowledge and now he dug through his mind, through everything he had ever learned about the nature of Sentinels and Guides. It took him way too long to make the connection Oliver had asked him about.

“Are you saying …,” he trailed off and turned, resting his hands on Oliver’s shoulders with wide eyes. He swallowed with an audible click in his throat. “Are you saying I met my forever Guide? And ignored him, all this time?”

He gave his best friend a shake.

“Oliver!” Evan snapped at his now-laughing friend.

“Your forever-Guide was the one who stopped you from taking your life,” he said firmly. “Your bond formed instinctively even though you lost consciousness, and he knew you were in no headspace for a new Guide. He knew you needed time to process and heal.”

Oliver’s voice was gentle, despite being clearly amused.

“He kept his distance for three years?” Evan blurted out. “Hurting himself for me?”

“He isn’t suffering, Badger … I promise you. Your parents made sure he is receiving the very best care while you heal. He is waiting for you to reach out, and he is a very, very patient man. You’ll like him,” Oliver told his friend gently.

Evan blinked.

“Is he where you go when you aren’t here?” he asked softly.

“He needed support during this time and we both know our Psionic Profiles are close to identical. The only person who fully matches you is him,” Oliver said softly. “I knew you would want me to offer him what he offered you … which is support during a trying time.”

Evan just nodded numbly and allowed himself to sit back down. He closed his eyes and focused on the void within him. Only, there was no void. Without him noticing, the empty space Kenny’s loss had left was gone. Instead, there was something that felt like all the best things—the warmth of the sun, a cosy quilt wrapped around him on a cold day with a cup of tea in his hands, the feeling of a lover in his arms.

With a jolt of surprise, Evan realised he wanted it. That he wanted to have someone in his arms again. A lover. Not just a friend.