Destiny Unknown – 4 – Jilly James

Reading Time:
23 Minutes

Tony watched Evan and Maddie walk around the park. Evan was obviously excited and practically running circles around his sister while she was walking the perimeter of the park.

“You doing okay?” Lou asked as he settled next to Tony on the park bench, arm along the back of it.

“Exhausted. We’ve been parents for five seconds, and I need a nap.”

“We?” Lou asked tentatively.

“I don’t want to assume, I guess—”

“Assume,” Lou interjected. “We’ll take it slow so he’s on board, but I’m good with the co-parenting model.”

Tony smiled.

Lou squeezed his shoulder briefly. “This okay?”

“You mean the very minimal PDA? Yeah, Lou. We’re good. Pretty sure all the girls at the front desk are giving googly eyes at our big gay love affair.”

Lou snorted. “I’m not the overt PDA type, but I might be after your hand now and then.”

“My hand is all yours.”

“That’s promising.”

Tony smiled.

“I knew him, by the way. Figured I should say something.”

“You mean Evan?” Tony turned a bit to look at Lou directly.

“Yeah. Not closely. He was a firefighter working for the husband of an officer I worked with frequently and who I respected a lot. He and I crossed paths occasionally as first responders do.”

“Oh.” Tony rolled that around in his brain for a few moments. “Fate said that he never really recovered from his childhood the first time around. That it kept him diminished…?”

“I can see that. I never knew enough about him personally, but I’d have said he was the type of person to set himself on fire to keep others warm. Athena bitched about it all the time. That he gave too much for no reason and left not enough for himself. That he broke his heart on the regular.” He sighed. “Then her husband died. Buck— Evan’s father figure. It was on a call. One of the last people to see him was Evan. I don’t think he ever really bounced back. He kept giving and giving, but it sounded like Bobby was his check on giving too much. He eventually left the area. Just disappeared one day.”

“He went by Buck?”

“I think he picked it up at the Academy, but I’m not sure.”

“Do you know why he disappeared?”

“No one knew. Athena looked for him. She was furious. I only knew any of it because she needed someone to talk to who wasn’t part of the circle she blamed for the problem. I think she partially blamed herself because she’d drifted away from him after Bobby died. I didn’t really understand the undercurrents, but it sounded like a lot of years of people taking what he gave but not giving much back. Not sure what his breaking point was. Athena found him maybe twenty years later in Colorado. A piece of property he’d owned there since he was a kid practically, that he went back to. Not sure why she hadn’t found him before. Guess he hid it well.”

Tony couldn’t help but be curious. “What happened?”

“She went to see him. Was gone for a few days. She seemed at peace when she came back. I asked her about it, and she just said she’d never tell anyone she found him. That he was finally doing okay, but he seemed sad.”

After a moment, Tony said, “Fate told me how to save Nash’s first family…?”

“Ah. Yeah, he was a mess about the loss of his first wife and two kids. He loved the hell out of Athena, I never doubted that, but I’m not sure you ever get over losing your kids like that.” He hesitated a second. “We’re not trying to recreate things, right?”

“No. I’m not even sure we’re aiming for LA unless you specifically want it. Just make the best choices we can and see what happens. I’m not trying to manufacture a prior life, and I certainly don’t want to put you in the path of anything from before unless that’s what you want.”

Lou dropped a quick kiss on his mouth. “We’ll work it out.” He smiled at Evan, practically skipping towards them. “I think alone time will be hard to come by, but we’ll squeeze in conversations here and there.”

Tony nudged him with an elbow. “Besides, lack of pre-planning helps it be more organic, right? Just let me know if there’s something we need to do, okay?”

“I think we’ve got time before major interventions are required.”

~*~

Tony wound up back on the same bench after dinner with Maddie to have a conversation. Summer days were long, so the sky was just beginning to show signs of sunset.

“Where are Lou and Evan off to?” she asked, watching the 4Runner pull away from the curb.

“Evan needs some practical clothing for road and possibly for occasional campouts. We mostly plan to stay in hotels, but occasional campouts might happen. Lou’s also going to get him a sleeping bag and other personal camping basics.”

She smiled softly. “He’s going to have a great time.” Then she stared down at her lap. She was a lovely young woman, but she radiated vulnerability despite her practiced ways of trying to control situations. He could see how she would easily draw in exactly the wrong sort of guys. “What is it you need to tell me?”

“Do you know why they didn’t put Evan up for adoption? I assume you couldn’t help but hear arguments or something between them…?”

She frowned. “They argued a bit, but I think it was less than before Mom got pregnant. But Dad was angry—like quietly seething for a long time. Then he just started to seem resigned to something. But I always thought it was about how Mom was pushing Daniel into so many treatments that Daniel didn’t even want.”

She sighed and picked at her nails, staring down at her lap. “It’s so strange to finally talk about him, but he was so tired. That trip to Ohio… Daniel had begged not to go. He told me he wasn’t giving up—he’d keep on with the treatment he was currently taking—but he didn’t want to do studies or clinical trials anymore. He was all of seven years old and resigned to the idea that it might be his time, but he didn’t want to suffer endlessly if it was.”

“I’m sorry, Maddie. You must miss him terribly.”

She nodded wordlessly.

“Your mother told me they decided they’d keep Evan if he was haploidentical to Daniel but put him up for adoption otherwise.”

Maddie looked up, expression pensive. “That doesn’t make sense. I know I was a kid, but the doctors said with Daniel’s leukemia he needed a full HLA match to have any real chance. Fifty percent wouldn’t be enough.” She shook her head. “God, why would they even do the transplant with Evan?”

“I think it was a last-ditch effort, but I don’t think that’s actually why they kept Evan. It came up over dinner that Lou and I are both in law enforcement.”

She nodded.

“We’re both trained to look for inconsistencies in people’s stories, and I think that’s a cover for what your mother doesn’t want to admit to.”

“Which is?” she asked warily.

“That she suspected Daniel might die and that her inheritance from her parents allows an additional stipend for up to two children, but no more than two children. If Daniel had died and she put Evan up for adoption—”

“Oh my god.” Maddie buried her face in her hands.

Tony left her to her thoughts for several moments.

“And you’re sure about the money?” Maddie looked up at him, eyes glassy with tears.

“She admitted the money part. She’s prevaricating about her motives. I agreed not to interfere with her collecting the money for Evan as long as she surrenders her parental rights. She can say he’s gone to boarding school for all I care, but she’s out of his life.

“She really kept Evan rather than calling you just so she could get extra money from my grandparents’ estate?”

“This is all new, and I have a lot to verify, but that’s the information I have right now. I’m trying not to leave you in the dark here.”

“I appreciate that,” she said slowly. “I guess I don’t know what to do now.”

“I don’t think there’s much for you to do. You’re embarking on the beginnings of your life as an adult, without the responsibilities or encumbrances of your youth. Your college fund is from your grandparents…?”

She nodded. “So, you don’t think I need to do…anything?”

“Like a big confrontation with your parents? Only if it would make you feel better.”

The laugh he got was a little watery. “It might.”

“You have to figure out what will best serve you.” He bent down a little so he could meet her gaze, considering she was giving a contemplative look at her cuticles. “And maybe consider talking to a therapist.”

“I’m fine. I don’t need therapy.”

“Wow. For eighteen, you sure are practiced at throwing out that idea. I’d think what your parents put you through, the erasure of your brother in and of itself, would be enough to call for therapy.”

She opened her mouth to say something, then grimaced. “Mom is always saying therapy is trash, and only mentally defective people need it.”

“Ah.” He blew out a breath. “I was supposed to go pro—football. But my knee was blown out during a game my senior year. I had multiple surgeries and a good year and a half of rehab after the surgeries. I was never mentally defective, but I needed to talk to someone about how frustrating and difficult everything was. About how I felt about having my dreams taken away. I needed someone to help me navigate building a new future for myself.”

“That’s life-altering,” she said slowly.

“You think losing your brother when you’re ten isn’t life-altering? You think being told to forget about him isn’t traumatizing?”

She winced.

“There’s no shame in needing to talk through your difficult times, painful memories, and get advice on how to navigate making good decisions when you’re an emotional mess. Aside from that, there’s also no shame in being mentally defective.”

“I didn’t mean—”

“You kind of did mean. You need to get that voice out of your head. In your life, and possibly even in just your schooling, you’re going to meet people who are bipolar, schizophrenic, autistic, depressed, have severe ADHD, or any host of other neurodivergent issues. And if you’re used to sitting in judgment of them as mentally defective, you’re going to let it slip, and you’re going to limit your opportunities. And I don’t just mean in terms of your career, but in terms of personal connection.

“You may never know why someone you really like doesn’t want to be your friend, and it turns out you’ve been dismissive of people with mental defects, and they take antidepressants. Or ADHD medication. Or who knows what.”

“I really didn’t mean it like that,” she whispered.

“We can’t always course correct with people and explain what we mean. Sometimes they only ever remember what we said. Also, don’t ever use that kind of language with my son,” he said firmly, “regardless of how you meant it. I’m pretty sure he’s got pretty significant ADHD that your parents have left untreated because of the stigma of whatever they think that would mean.”

She stared at him wide-eyed, and he could see that she wanted to be mad at him, but she was also thinking through the obvious signs that Evan had ADHD. She closed her eyes. “You think I need therapy?”

“I think you need to talk to someone outside this situation who you can, with no regret or remorse, dump all your feelings about the whole disaster on. Be as messy as you want. One of the best ways to keep your friendships healthy is to pay someone to listen to your bullshit. It’s also good to get the professional perspective on healthy ways to cope. Your brain is finishing development, you know. We don’t always make the best choices when we’re introducing sex and alcohol into our lives just as our brains are finishing up in the oven. Also, don’t mix sex and alcohol.” He wagged his finger at her.

She laughed, burying her head in her hands. “You’re ridiculous.” Sitting back up straight, she looked at him. “I’ll admit, I don’t want to do it because I’m on my parents’ health plan and Mom will never let up if she knows I’m seeing a therapist. But I’ll try.”

“If that’s the only stumbling block, I’ll set up a payment account with whatever therapist you choose and direct pay your therapist rather than go through insurance.”

“Why would you do that?” She seemed baffled. “You have no real connection to me.”

“You’re my son’s sister. After some fashion, we’re going to be in each other’s lives. I’m sure Evan would be thrilled if you’d go to college somewhere close to wherever we wind up living, but I suspect you’re eager to spread your wings and be on your own away from family responsibility or expectations. Though I want to make it clear that if you ever do want to move closer to Evan, I’ll send the moving truck.”

She smiled. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“I do want to be on my own, but it’s nice to know there’s a place that’s not my mother.”

“There’s definitely an option that’s not your mother. Can I offer you a piece of unsolicited advice before we take off to meet Lou and Evan for dessert?”

“Sure.”

“I went to a Big Ten school, was in a frat…the whole deal. I know what college culture is like, and I know how questionable the decision-making process can be when you’re younger. Especially for boys, truth be told. There is no amount of acceptable poor treatment, you get me?”

Her eyes went wide “I…I think so.”

“There’s no saying shitty things to you because he had a bad game or bad test or whatever. And there’s never an excuse for a guy putting his hands on you when you said no. And if you don’t feel like you can tell your friends or your RA or whoever is around you, you call me or even Lou.”

“Why? You don’t owe me anything.”

“That’s not even the point. You deserve to build a life you’re happy with, and everyone deserves to know they’ve got someone in their corner—no questions asked.”

Maddie nodded. “Thanks. I hope I never need to make that call, but I appreciate that I can.”

“Believe me, I hope you don’t ever have to either, but I don’t want you to hesitate if anything happens.”

She seemed to get that he was dead serious, so she nodded.

They left the park with Tony folding himself into her tiny Subaru so they could go meet Evan and Lou and so Maddie could say goodbye for the last time.

In the car, she actually brought up that she thought it was a bad idea to ever mention the marrow transplant, as she thought it was a red herring that could only cause more pain on top of what was already painful.

He was glad the idea was hers because he felt if it was her thought, it was something she was more likely to stick to.

~*~

Tony entered the hotel room after lunch the next day to find what looked like packing chaos. “Wow. It looks crazier than when I left.” He set down several shopping bags.

Lou laughed, looking a little surprised at how much Tony had bought.

Evan popped out from behind a pile of boxes. “Hey, Tony! We got all the piles sorted through. That stuff is going to donation, that stuff is getting shipped to your storage, and we’ve repacked my bags.” He pointed to the smallest stack by the rollaway, which they kept folded up during the day. Maddie had come back by the hotel last night with the last of Evan’s things except for his larger things like his bike, which they’d replace when they got a new home.

“Nice work. I met with the attorney, and it looks like I’ll have the guardianship paperwork tomorrow, so we can leave tomorrow if we want.”

“Yay!” Evan threw up his hand and jumped on the end of Lou’s bed, disturbing the recent handiwork of housekeeping.

“We can get started even earlier if we take care of going to UPS today. I already talked to housekeeping, and the lady who handles our floor is going to take the stuff we leave in the room. Whatever she doesn’t need for her boys, she’ll take to donation.”

“Nice. We should definitely go to UPS, then.” Evan eyed the bags quizzically. “What’d you get?”

“A few things, but let’s talk about some kind of yucky stuff first.”

Evan huffed out a dramatic sigh and flopped back on the bed. “Yeah. I really do want to know why Mom didn’t call you when I was a baby. She obviously didn’t want me.”

“I guess the first thing to know is that you had an older brother. He was somewhere between a year and a half and two years younger than Maddie. I’m not sure exactly how old he was.”

“Whoa.” Evan rolled on his side. “Super secret kid. But you said had. He died?”

“He had leukemia, and the treatments for him weren’t working out. They were in a clinical trial in Ohio when your mom picked me up in a bar, actually.”

“Ugh. I don’t want to think about it.” He made frantic denial motions. “What was my brother’s name?”

Lou smiled and readjusted Evan’s sprawling limbs so he could sit on the bed next to him.

“His name was Daniel,” Tony answered. “He died when you were a year old.”

“How come they never mention him?”

“I’m not really sure why, though it may be part of how Margaret grieves is to just erase people.”

Evan scrunched up his nose. “By that logic, she’s been grieving for me since I was born.”

Tony’s jaw dropped, but Lou snorted. Lou made a vague hand-flap or two. “Sorry. Shouldn’t laugh.”

“Why not? I’m hilarious.”

“You’re something,” Lou said, tickling Evan’s ribs, getting a lot of squirming and flailing limbs.

“Sorry,” Evan said when he’d calmed down, giving Tony a sort-of contrite look. “The Margaret-baggage is open for loading, and I’m treating it like a job.”

“He’s your kid,” Lou said, chuckling outright.

“Let’s definitely load the Margaret baggage,” Tony said, rubbing his forehead. “Anyway. I don’t know what Margaret’s overall deal with Daniel was, and I don’t really care. Because trying to figure her out is way outside my pay grade. But I suspect that she—and your not-dad—knew Daniel would likely die. Maddie remembers the doctors not being very optimistic when the leukemia came back just before Daniel turned seven.

“But Margaret gets money monthly from her parents’ trust, and she gets an additional amount for her children, up to two, but for no more than two.” He paused.

Evan sat up straight, looking appalled. “I was padding for their bank account!” He hopped off the bed and started pacing, hands waving wildly as he wove around boxes and bags. “There’s not a big enough steamer trunk in the world for this! That’s… that’s… evil. It’s like Disney witch evil. I can’t believe her. If Daniel had lived, would they have put me up for adoption? You don’t even have to say, I know they would have. Those… those… assholes!”

Tony decided not to say anything about the swearing. This time.

“I’m surprised my middle name isn’t annuity!”

“Evan…”

His kid stopped pacing to stare. “Are you going to try to tell me not to be upset?!”

“No. I just wanted to assure you that Maddie didn’t know, so you had all the facts while you were deciding how you felt.”

“But she never mentioned Daniel at all!”

“I gather there was an epic amount of berating her into never mentioning him again.”

Evan threw up his hands. “More baggage!” He paced and stomped around, and Tony decided to let him get it out of his system. “Does Maddie want to talk to me?”

“I think Maddie’s trying to sort out her feelings, and it may take her a while.”

Flopping in the largest clear floor space and sprawling out like a starfish, Evan stared up at the ceiling and huffed. “They kind of made her be my parent, but she wasn’t really. I mean, she was still trying to be a kid, but she was all I had. And I get it. You’re trying not to have to say it, but she needs to figure out how she feels about everything without having to take on my feelings too.”

Tony lay on the very edge of the foot of his bed, head propped on his hand, so he could peer down at his son. “Maddie loves you, kiddo, but she’s struggling. And, yeah, she needs to get her own head together. She’s got college starting in a little over a month, and she has to figure out how to incorporate all this new information into her worldview. I told her we’d be there for her if she needed us and didn’t want to rely on the Buckleys, but that we wouldn’t intrude on her whole college experience.”

“You told her about the Buckley Privateers? I mean the keeping two kids so they get maximum money thing?”

“Yeah, she knows.”

“So, gross.”

Lou leaned forward and said, “Evan, hotel room floors are disgusting. Would you please angst on the sofa.”

Evan turned his head to stare at Lou and then started giggling. “Okay.” Instead of moving to the sofa, Evan asked that they go to UPS, wanting to burn off some energy, saying he felt fidgety in his skin. They’d been encouraging him to speak up when he felt like he needed to move or was struggling in any way, and he was trying to take them at their word, even after only a couple of days.

At times, it seemed as if he was watchful, as if waiting to see them ignore or deny him. They didn’t call out the watchfulness, knowing it would take time and resolve for him to truly trust the care they would provide.

~*~

“I forgot about the bags!” Evan exclaimed as soon as they entered the hotel room after shopping, running several errands for their departure tomorrow, as well as an early dinner out. Tony and Lou were working on carefully and slowly adjusting Evan’s food choices to start bringing the sugar and refined carbs down and bring in more protein and balanced food choices.

“How about you get ready for bed and then I’ll go over the bags with you?” Tony prodded.

“Bed? It’s only seven!”

“True, but I think the contents of the bags will keep your energetic little brain occupied until I have to pry it away from you and sit on you to make you sleep.

Eyes lighting up with curiosity, Evan grabbed his nightclothes and darted into the bathroom.

“What did you get besides…?” Lou looked into the larger bag. “Ah. That’s a good idea, actually.”

“I have good ideas.”

“Yeah, you do.” Lou curled an arm around his waist and pulled him close. “Besides, he deserves it.”

“He does.” Tony settled his hands on Lou’s strong upper arms. “Am I doing okay?”

“As well as anyone can, I think. He’s resilient. Though if he ever introduces himself to anyone as Evan Annuity DiNozzo again, I’m going to throttle him.”

“I’ve never seen you inhale stout before,” Tony said with a grin. “I’m not sure I would have expected him to work out his issues by turning into a troll.”

“He can’t troll the person he wants to troll, so he’s going to take it out on the rest of the world.”

“Lord save us.”

Lou leaned in and pressed a lingering kiss to Tony’s lips.

Tony slid his arms around Lou’s neck and was just starting to lick at Lou’s lips when he heard the faint click of the bathroom lock turning. He refused to spring apart like guilty teenagers, but he pulled back, still comfortably in Lou’s embrace when Evan exited the bathroom.

“Uhh… Am I interrupting?” Evan asked, hesitating.

“No,” Tony said casually. “It’s your room too. Lou and I do hug on occasion. He was just petting my feelings and telling me I’m doing okay on the parent front.”

“Oh. Well, I’ll pet your feelings too.” Evan collided with them, wrapping his arms around both of them, making Tony and Lou chuckle. “You’re doing okay at this parent thing.”

Tony ruffled Evan’s hair, then smoothed his chaotic bangs back. “Thanks, kiddo. I appreciate that a lot. If you wind up with Tony-baggage, I’d prefer it be a toiletry kit, so let’s keep the lines of communication open.”

The laugh was a little watery, but Evan nodded against his ribs. Then he pulled away, wiping at his nose. “Okay. The bags! Not the baggage kind, the shopping kind!”

“Let’s get your bed set up, and we’ll go through them.”

As soon as Evan was seated on his bed, Tony got into the bags and tossed the first item to Evan. It was still in the box, but it had been set up at the store. “It needs to be fully charged, but it’s otherwise ready to go.”

Evan goggled at it. “You got me a phone? I’m eight.”

“I know your age, but we’re going to be traveling, and if we should be separated for any crazy reason, I need to know that you can get ahold of me or Lou. My contact is the first, Lou’s is the second. There are quite a few other numbers in there. My attorney is in there, my Uncle in London. We’ll go over all the procedures of who to call in an emergency, okay?”

Evan nodded, looking dazed as he stared at the Nokia 3210. “It’s so small.”

“Yeah. It should easily fit in the pocket of even your kiddo cargo shorts, so be sure to button the shorts!” Tony sat on the sofa, which was in the closest proximity to the rollaway. “Let’s talk about Maddie’s number. I want to include it in your contact list for emergencies, but we should talk about when it’s okay to call her.”

Slumping a little, Evan muttered, “She doesn’t want to hear from me.”

“It’s not that,” Lou supplied gently. “She wants to get on with college and be mad at your parents. She wants to date and go to parties and all the other things an eighteen-year-old girl might do.”

Evan nodded. “I get it.”

“How about we do the road trip and figure out some prearranged times for you and Maddie to talk? Right now, I think spontaneous calls are going to be difficult. She might avoid them because she wants to do things with her friends, and then she’ll feel bad if your feelings are hurt.”

“I guess that’s true.” He straightened his shoulders. “Besides, we’re going to be really busy, right?”

“Very busy,” Lou agreed.

“And I’m the only kid I know with a phone!” He waved the little brick around.

Tony smiled at Lou and passed the next bag to his partner.

Lou handed the bag to Evan. “We’ll figure out the rules for the phone and this as we go. I noticed yours was old and kind of cracked, and there will be some long hours on the road sometimes.”

Evan opened the bag and pulled out the Game Boy Color, which was released late last year. “Yes! Oh my god, this is great!”

“We’ll make a stop by EB Games to pick up some games for it on the way out of town,” Tony offered. He had no idea what games would suit Evan’s interests.

Evan sprang out of bed and hugged Lou and then Tony. “You guys are spoiling me. Why are you spoiling me?”

Tony chuckled and herded Evan back onto his bed. “Getting you a few things that make sense isn’t really spoiling you, but maybe you deserve a little extra attention, yeah?”

Evan looked up at him, blue eyes shiny with tears. “I just don’t want to turn into a rotten kid, okay? There’s this little twerp at school who’s so rotten, it reeks. Don’t let me be like that.”

Tony sat next to his kid, nudging him over so he could pull him into a hug. “I promise, but you’re a good kid, and I think we’ll be okay with you having a few random extras like a phone, a Gameboy, and a laptop.”

“A laptop?!” Evan leaned back and stared up at Tony.

Lou set the box for the MacBook G3 in orange in Evan’s lap.

“Holy shit,” Evan breathed out.

Tony tapped his nose. “Language.”

“Right. I’ll just think it. These were just released.” He ran his hands over the box.

“They come in orange and blue, and I thought about blue, but orange is the color of creativity, energy, and enthusiasm. It seemed like you.”

Lou tapped Evan’s chin to get him to look up from the box. “You’re a smart kid. Your computers will grow with your needs. Almost every hotel will have an Ethernet connection, and we’ll get you whatever software you need to feed your curiosity, so you just have to let us know, okay?”

Evan knelt up, hugging Lou and then Tony. “I’m so excited, and I don’t know what to say.”

Tony held his son, patting his back gently. “I told you that you’d be busy tonight. Get everything set up and charged. The last bag by the door is bags and cases for you to store everything in. Make note of anything you think is missing.”

Evan shook his head against Tony’s shoulder. “There’s been a lot missing, but I don’t think there is any more.”

Tony kissed the top of Evan’s head, thinking about how he’d missed this opportunity the first time around and grateful he had it now.