Destiny Unknown – 5 – Jilly James

Reading Time:
22 Minutes

“Are you sure about this?” Tony asked as he finished signing Evan into the day camp register.

Evan laughed. “Are you suffering from separation anxiety, Tony?”

Tony raised a brow.

Giving him a quick hug around the waist, Evan trotted off.

Tony huffed and watched his son run off to be a junior archaeologist. Evan had found the program online. It was up to five days of digging in the dirt, being taught how archaeologists worked. The program was bizarrely expensive for a day camp, but it was obvious the fees were to help fund the actual archaeological dig. They dropped him off at seven in the morning and picked him up at seven in the evening. Lunch and dinner were included; breakfast was not.

After nearly three weeks on the road, they’d finally made it to Colorado, and jokes about separation anxiety aside, they had found ways to get space. Whether it was spending time just reading in the library, or alternating who was running errands so someone had some alone time.

The one thing that hadn’t really happened was much time for Lou and Tony. Sure, they’d had time to chat when Evan would be off running the energy out of his system, or exploring some rock that caught his attention, but they always kept him in visual range. So true alone time just wasn’t a thing. Three weeks of family bonding, and this would be the first time they had alone.

Tony headed back to the parking area where Lou was waiting, leaning against the 4Runner in jeans and a muscle shirt, getting entirely too much attention from moms dropping their kids off. Grinning, Tony passed by, grazing his fingers over Lou’s arm before he rounded the front of the SUV. “Let’s get a move on, Ransone!”

Laughing, Lou climbed into the driver’s seat. “Got an agenda?”

“Alone time. I don’t care what we do as long as we leverage every minute.”

“There will definitely be leverage.” Lou glanced over as they were waiting to pull out. “Attorney called while you were checking Evan in. They’ve got the hearing date before the judge set in a week, and the paternity test is in.”

“I have no doubt about paternity, so I assume everything is in order?”

“Mm-hm. Richard said everything should be a rubber stamp unless Margaret goes off-script with the judge.”

“She better not. Even if she didn’t have us to deal with, pretty sure my uncle would ruin her.” That had been a surprise. Tony had taken his time to lay out a lot of life and history as he exchanged emails with his Uncle Clive. That had turned into calls from his uncle and eventually a couple of calls from his grandfather and several emails from his Uncle Jefferey.

Uncle Clive and Grandfather Jasper had also had conversations with Evan while they were driving, which had excited Evan to his bones. And somehow Tony was on the hook to bring Evan to England once he could get his kid a passport.

Uncle Clive had decided he would meet Tony in Pittsburgh, which was where Tony would be flying into, and join him for the hearing to finalize legal custody and Evan’s name change. There was definitely a deep investment in reconnecting and a lot of regret on both sides about how things had gone in the past.

“Uncle Clive’s last email,” Tony began. “We hadn’t had a chance to talk about it without little ears, but he’s asked if he could join us at the Grand Canyon.”

Lou shrugged. “I don’t see why not. There’s a whole canyon.”

“It just seems weird…or not.” Tony shrugged.

Deftly navigating the two-lane road for their half-hour drive back to town, Lou glanced quickly at Tony. “It’s really not weird. Your uncle wants to get to know you. He’s struggling not to overcompensate for years of regret.”

Tony blew out a breath. “I get that. We both listened to my dad, and we both probably should have known better.”

“Well, I’m pretty sure Jasper is figuring out ways to ruin whatever the guy has left, so make sure he doesn’t have a way to find you.”

“He always seems to know how to find me, even when I’d give him no indication.” Tony cocked his head to the side. “You know, I wonder if he has a friend at the bank or something giving him my address.”

“There has to be someone at some place that had your address that he knew to go to.”

“Well, he certainly knew where my trust account was.”

Lou’s jaw muscle clenched. “Maybe take some time to deal with finances while you’re gone. Or get the ball rolling to see if you need to stop into a branch and sign anything while you’re back in Pittsburg.”

“More on the to-do list.” He rested his head on the glass. “You know, I’ve been thinking a lot about the why of it all.”

“Of course you have, Tony,” Lou said gently. “I’m there with you. We should talk it out, and then try to let it go. She made it clear that we need to just live our lives.”

“I know, but I kept thinking that I was supposed to be Evan’s father the last time, but…” Tony reached for Lou’s hand and squeezed tightly. “I don’t think that’s true, and it breaks my heart. When we first left Hershey, I was still putting one foot in front of the other, getting things done, making sure Evan was taken care of. I needed him to know I wanted him and didn’t regret finding him. But being a father was surreal.”

“Of course it was. It was as sudden as a car accident, but you handled it great, and he’s adjusting as well as could be expected. I don’t think he could tell, but I could see it was taking time for the…hm. I’m not saying you were like you are when you’re undercover, because that’s not it. But it was like when you were prepping for it. The way you were learning about every aspect of what you needed to know. It took you time with Evan, but you started giving in to the reality of the situation. Evan even asked me about it.”

Tony stared intently at Lou’s profile, not letting go of Lou’s hand. “And?”

“I told him that you were deeply researching how to be a good father, and that you were worried about messing up. That you would start to relax, and you did.”

“What’d he say?”

“He rolled his eyes so hard I’m surprised he didn’t see you and I before the time travel.”

Tony huffed a startled laugh.

“He then asked why I wasn’t so wound up, and I said that he was also wound up tight, probably worried he’d be too much or get sent back or a bunch of other things that were never going to happen, and someone needed to be chill in our family.”

“And?” Tony prodded.

“He just hugged me and said he was working on it, but it helped to know he was neurotic, honestly. I asked where he learned the word, and he said you got him a vocabulary software program and he was already up to ninth grade.”

Tony smiled fondly. “I love being a father.”

“I know.”

“And I wouldn’t have ever expected it of myself.”

“I know that too.”

“And even if I’d gone with you the first time, I wouldn’t have met him.”

“No, probably not,” Lou said softly. “Not as a child, anyway. You might have encountered him as an adult and been struck by the similarity to your childhood pictures or some such, but we usually write that off as the doppelgänger effect.”

“Yeah.” Tony rubbed his forehead. “He was younger, but I think you were the last to die. But I think we came back to ensure his life is better.”

“Perhaps. I’ve thought a lot about the idea of people who are the center of change. I think I resisted that a lot in my first life. Maybe not when I was younger, but eventually I did. There always seemed to be this pull of either people or circumstances to do things differently that would have big ramifications. Whether it was accepting promotions or running a task force. Eventually, I was even asked to run for office, though I really didn’t want to do that. The more life and circumstances pushed me to change, the less I wanted to. After a point.”

“How much of that was after my death?”

“I struggled after you died with people pushing for more from me. I think you died around 2011, if memory serves, and I got so lost in regret for the change I knew I’d needed to make that I didn’t. I never met Evan until easily a decade later. And I lived to be a retired, cranky old man, thinking back on all the friends I’d lost, the missed opportunities. By all accounts, I’d had a successful career, but I felt empty and unfulfilled. I died in my nineties, living in the middle of nowhere, thinking of the small things that matter most.”

Tony rested his head on Lou’s shoulder. “Lou…”

“It always haunted me, the idea of you dying alone in an alley, Tony. Not having people you could trust with a cellphone in their hand 24/7.”

His breath caught. “Let’s not live in our regrets.”

“No, but I think we need to get this out of our systems and let the past that will no longer be our future go.”

“Wise man. Where did you live?” Not that it really mattered, but Tony was curious.

“After I retired, I drove until I found a place to stop. I wound up stopping in North Dakota.”

“Lord. No wonder you were cranky… You were cold.”

Lou chuckled. “I got good with snow thrower, that’s for sure. But listen to me, Tony. If I came back for you, and you came back for him, I can live with that. We may never know for sure, but as far as reasons go, those are ones I’m fine with.”

“Yeah. As far as reasons go, it’s sure not the worst.” He smiled and leaned back in his seat. “I love that kid, and if this serves no function but to make him feel parental love, then I’m good with it.” He squeezed Lou’s wrist. “Except this…I’m glad it gave me this, too. Because I love the hell out of you, Lou Ransone.”

Lou bobbled the wheel a little. “You say that for the first time when I’m driving.”

Tony laughed. “I want to be sure we don’t miss exploiting this day to ourselves for everything it has to offer.”

“We’ve got five days to exploit.”

“We hope we have five days. He might decide it’s stupid and they’re condescending to kids and never go back.”

“Damn. You have taught him very quickly not to put up with sub-standard education or fun opportunities.”

“That mini-golf park was absolute shit.”

“You are a nightmare sometimes, and I love you too.”

Tony grinned and decided to keep holding Lou’s hand.

~*~

As soon as the hotel room door closed, Lou backed Tony into the wall, framing his face with strong hands. “We on the same page or do you want to—”

“Same line, same word.” He pulled Lou’s head down into a kiss that started tender but turned heated instantly. They’d had only fleeting moments to kiss or touch in the weeks they’d been traveling, and the urge for more had been simmering under the surface since Pennsylvania.

After long moments of the most drugging kiss of Tony’s life, Lou moved them back, keeping the kiss going, and maneuvered them to the bed. The kiss finally broke when he pushed Tony down on the bed and levered himself half on top, kissing his way up Tony’s neck.

“Condoms?” Lou asked, lips grazing Tony’s earlobe.

“If you want, but it’s not necessary.” Tony managed, arching his head back and using his legs to get Lou fully on top of him. They’d known they were heading this direction before they’d left Hershey, so they’d both been tested. Tony hadn’t been sexually active the entirety of his undercover operation, despite how he might have made it appear to the family, and Lou hadn’t picked up any friends with benefits since the operation prep had begun, even if it might have mitigated his stress levels. So, they were both easily close to a year into freaking celibacy at this point.

“No condoms, then,” Lou murmured against his mouth. “Just us. Besides, easier to hide a bottle of lube from a curious kid than boxes of condoms on the regular. Pretty sure I’ve got exactly two condoms on me.”

“None here. We’d have had to go shopping.”

Lou leaned up on his elbows, smiling down at Tony. “Two not enough for today?” he asked with a grin.

“Hell no. Now, get back down here.” He pulled his partner into another kiss, wrapping his legs around Lou’s hips, rocking up to eagerly meet Lou’s downward pressure.

“Tony…” Lou nipped at his chin, continuing the path back down his throat. “Need to get our clothes off.”

He slid his hands under Lou’s shirt, feeling the warm skin of the strong back. “We’ve got time.”

~*~

Tony came back to the bed after disposing of the cloth he’d used to clean them up. He immediately sprawled all over Lou’s naked body, relishing the contact. He wondered if he’d been skin hungry for decades.

“First times aren’t supposed to be that good,” Lou murmured against his temple, fingers tracing the bumps of his spine.

“Never have been for me, but I also don’t usually take nearly a month getting comfortable just being with someone.”

“Maybe that does make a difference. Every day, every night, we’ve been together. Evan said when we finally finish figuring ourselves out, we should just sleep in the same bed so he can stop sleeping on sofas and rollaways.”

“That little brat.”

“He’s a squirt… So, the beds aren’t uncomfortable; it’s his way of letting us know he approves. Of course, he also made sure he wanted it known that clothes should be worn at all times.”

“We should just get rid of the rollaway and put his pajamas on his pillow.”

“He’ll assume we had sex all day,” Lou said, laughing.

“Probably.”

“But he’ll be happy we got ourselves figured out while not meeting either of our gazes for the next day.”

“That too.”

Lou rolled them so he was on top again. “I really hope he enjoys this day camp. I need to take you apart every day this week.”

Tony curled his arms around Lou’s shoulders. “That sounds like the best kind of promise.”

~*~

Lou went out to pick up a late lunch while Tony caught up on email. Pretty much the only thing you could get delivered to a hotel was pizza, and they worked hard to keep the nutrition on point while keeping everyone active. Pizza was certainly a treat they enjoyed, but Tony made sure Evan was a pizza snob who wanted good pizza. Having trash pizza delivered to the hotel while Evan was at day camp was not it. Besides, it would make Tony feel terrible too. Focusing so much on Evan’s diet was affecting his own diet positively, and too much junk made him feel like trash. In the future, Lou had definitely been the healthier eater of the two of them.

There was more to do on the ADHD front when they got to wherever home might be, but just keeping Evan physically active, his diet and sleep stable, and helping him figure out what cognitive aids suited him best were coming a long way with reducing how much Evan felt like he was coming out of his skin.

Maddie had been good about accepting a weekly call time with Evan. She had initially suggested it be in the evening, but Tony had just laughed at her. It was currently scheduled for late Sunday mornings their time, which was just before lunch for Maddie. She had admitted the time was much better than messing with her social schedule, which seemed quite busy.

She’d nearly had to cancel one day, but then she’d made the considerate choice to call Evan and tell him she had unexpected plans but didn’t want to cancel, and ask if he would be okay with talking for only fifteen minutes. Tony had prepared Evan for the idea that calls might have to be canceled or rescheduled, so Evan wound up delighted that Maddie had wanted to talk to him enough to call even if it had to be short. Evan had felt important, and Maddie had learned she could successfully juggle priorities.

Somewhat to Tony’s surprise, she had actually started therapy, accepting Tony’s offer to pay. She’d sent him a hesitant message that she wasn’t ready to stand up to her parents yet. He’d responded that she never needed to do such a thing. It was only a life goal if she wanted it to be, and he’d support her therapy ambitions for years needed. She’d been grateful, and therapy had commenced.

Lou had done the sensible thing and found a medical insurance plan for Maddie that included mental health coverage, and suggested she sign up for her own policy, which would give her the freedom to be entirely independent of her parents. He’d told her he could send any out-of-pocket expenses to their accountant for reimbursement, so she wouldn’t pay anything at all for health coverage.

Maddie had jumped at the offer of independence, and she and Lou were working out the details. The policy would be in effect on the first of September, and Maddie would have more freedom from her parents. He wasn’t sure how much financial pressure she was under, but she seemed to take the questions better from Lou, so he was subtly checking into it. If any of her bad choices with men were related to financial stress due to parental ties, they could definitely mitigate that pressure point.

Lou entered with a bag that made Tony groan. “Freaking Chipotle.”

“At least they were decent at this time. There was a reason they went viral. Hell, the chain started in Denver. Though you don’t even get to complain because you never experienced the depths of awfulness they sunk to.” Lou sprawled out next to him and passed him a burrito. “Just think of it as a decent high-protein wrap, because I did get you extra protein.”

“Right. A protein wrap. Because it sure the hell isn’t Mexican food.” Tony unwrapped the food and bit into it, thinking protein wrap.

“Right. You know, when I was talking to Evan about you eventually needing to fly back to Pittsburgh, he mentioned we’d get to walk you to your gate and watch your plane take off, something he’s never gotten to do.”

“No, you— Oh, wait.”

“Right. A couple of years before that rule. People are still blithely walking to the gates right now.”

“Wow. I just got clapped with the surreal two-by-four.” Tony took another aggressive bite. “He should definitely have that memory. Maybe a couple of times before we’re practically stripping naked and shaking the pennies out of our ass at TSA for the rest of our lives.”

“You put pennies in your ass?” Lou laughed at him.

“Smart ass.”

“Right. Anything exciting in the email backlog?”

“Remember I told you my trust fund is the education trust my mother left me?”

“Yeah, though I’m not sure what she was educating you for since a million dollars in the late 80s and early 90s is a crazy amount for an education trust. And you didn’t really use it anyway.”

“Yeah. Scholarships. But my father was blocking it for the first two years, and I had to work part-time jobs for books and living expenses. The only reason I ever got access was that my frat brothers took offense and the pre-law guys got involved.”

“Your frat brothers are good guys.”

Tony smiled. “They sure are.” About six of them ended up in Evan’s contact list, too excited to find out Tony had a kid, insisting they be on tap for emergencies. More than one had clamored for a visit, which they were working on, and others wanted to meet them in Vegas for a reunion. Tony was considering it. Wondering if taking his kid to Vegas to meet his frat brothers was the worst parenting decision in history.

Lou was reaching out to a couple of guys from his Army tour, trying to reconnect. He’d kept in poor contact because of the sexuality issues, which had always felt like a barrier in his military and law enforcement career. He had a few cousins-some-level-removed back in New York that he was actually pretty close to growing up that he kept in contact with, and then there was his first partner from his days in New York, but otherwise, he was as unencumbered as Tony was. Or had been. Tony was turning out to have more family ties.

The trust fund, or the dividend account from it, was how they were funding the road trip. Not that Lou didn’t have some money. He was an only child, and his parents had left him everything when they’d passed.

“So, what about your trust?” Lou prodded.

“I don’t know how things will proceed this time, because I’ve inadvertently changed some things. But Grandpa Jasper died in 2002. Uncle Jeffery contacted Senior to ask that I come to the funeral. Senior said he’d pass on the message, but he never did. Uncle Jeffery inherited, and he dissolved the trust because he was pissed. When Clive inherited, who I was closest to, he never brought it up to me because the deed was already done, and I gather he thought Grandfather’s decision was fair. He also knew Granduncle Antonio had left me his estate.”

“I gather one of these emails is about the trust…?”

“Yeah. The Paddington family is obscenely wealthy, and Grandfather sent an email saying they’re working on an education trust for Evan, and once we have the name to put on it, they’ll send me the details along with my inheritance. I’d immediately sent back a response, which was right after you left, that I’ll certainly accept anything the family wants to set up for Evan, but that you and I are doing fine. He’s already responded that he’ll accept no more discussion about it, and he’s looking forward to our visit when it can be arranged.” Tony sighed and ate more of the wrap.

“Just deal with it, babe. It should have always been yours. How much money do you think we’re talking about here?”

“I have no idea. They didn’t give me a number. I know my mother came into the marriage with my father with something like fifty million in the mid-60s.”

Lou whistled.

“It won’t be that much. Or that much adjusted for inflation, but it’s more than I need or want. Also, I’d made a comment without thinking during one of my conversations with Clive asking about Grandfather’s heart. And he said he was hale and hearty. I apologized and said Sorry, I must have been thinking of something else, but I thought heart issues ran in the Paddington family. It must have been the DiNozzos.

“Turns out it bothered him, so he asked Grandfather to get checked out, and they found the blockage that would kill him in three years. Grandfather had Jeffery checked, and they found a less-advanced blockage. I don’t know why Jefferey didn’t get his heart checked when Grandfather died. Although, come to think of it, I seem to recall Jeffery died of a stroke…?”

“It could have been a domino thing. They might have found the blockage for Jeffery in three years, but if he has some comorbid condition like high blood pressure, coupled with grief and stress, it could have made him ripe for a stroke. You can’t know what will happen from this change. Everything could happen at the same times, or they could pass later. Jeffery may pass at the same time, but Jasper may outlive him. It’s impossible to know. Just keep doing the best you can. And don’t squabble with your family about money. You already have more than you really need, especially if they set up an education trust for Evan.”

Tony nodded slowly. “He hasn’t asked, but I think Grandfather wants me to take his name.”

“Huh. Do you object?”

“I don’t know. I’m not attached to being DiNozzo.” He turned his head to squarely meet Lou’s gaze. “I am kind of attached to the idea of being married to you someday…whenever that’s legal.”

Lou’s smile was huge. “I want a dazzling ring.”

“Noted.” Tony leaned in for a kiss, getting distracted for long moments.

Eventually, they pulled apart, and Lou stroked his cheek. “I’m not attached to the idea of sharing a name someday, Tony. I just want to share a life. And if we do want to share a name, and you and Evan are happy being Paddingtons, then I’ll be a Paddington, too.”

“That simple?” Tony asked, touched and delighted in turns.

“For all that it’s time travel, this has all been easier than it should be. Why start making it complicated about names.”

“Okay.” He set aside his not-Mexican food and his laptop, curling into Lou’s side. “You make everything easy.”

Lou held him close. “I have a lifetime of loneliness to fade into obscurity. Being with you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done.”

~*~

“Have you thought about what you want to do when we get wherever we wind up?” Lou asked as they were headed back to pick up Evan.

“What do you mean?”

“Do you want to be a cop again? Go back to being a federal agent of some kind? Criminalist? Behaviorist? You’ve got the chops to go to medical school, and I seem to recall you telling me once when we were prepping for the Macaluso op that you’d considered medical school but decided to go to the police academy instead.”

Tony frowned, thinking through the question he truly hadn’t put any thought to. Being a new parent and all the random ramifications of that had consumed all his brain cycles. “I’m not sure. What’s crossed your mind? You considering the same or wildly different?”

“I don’t want different for the sake of itself, I know that. And I don’t want to work in the same precinct, if we happen to wind up in Los Angeles. I don’t think I could work day in and day out with people I’d known for years, people I knew too much about. It would be strange.”

“Yeah. That’s a good point. We’re sort of pointed towards the West Coast, so we’re more likely to wind up near people you worked with closely than me. I worked a couple cases with some people in the San Diego office, and a couple with the people in the Office of Special Projects in LA. I don’t know…” he drew out slowly. “I’m going to have to put some serious thought to the career question. I have some hard no’s in mind if I did go back to policing, but I don’t think I have even any firm maybes.”

Lou rubbed his fingers over the back of Tony’s knuckles. “Just something to start pondering. Picking a place to settle has to factor in access to the kinds of careers we want and educational access for Evan.

“Right.” Tony turned his hand over and laced their fingers together. “This should all feel overwhelming, but it doesn’t. I’ve never done well with a blank slate in front of me, but I’m just eager for the experiences that help us make our choices.”

“That’s just living, Tony.”

“Maybe neither one of us has enough experience with that.”

“True. Though Evan’s a good role model for living in the moment.”

Tony laughed.

~*~

Tony slid out of the SUV and saw Evan waiting at the gate with a counselor, bouncing and waving. His kid was filthy. He was covered in dust, including in his hair and all over his face. He had a bag clutched tightly in his other hand.

The counselor nodded to Tony, then let Evan past the gate.

His son sprinted out, darting across the parking lot, waving frantically and yelling. “Dad! Look what I dug up!”

Lou put a steadying hand on Tony’s back as his vision went blurry.

A second later, Evan collided with them, arm going around Lou, and the bag bouncing off Tony’s hip. He bopped his head against Tony’s sternum, puffing dust everywhere.

“Good time?” Tony asked, managing not to sound too choked up.

“It was so fun! Most funnest thing ever! I’m so glad I get to come back. You want to see?”

“Of course I do. I want to hear all about it.” Tony smiled as Evan laid out his treasures in the back of the 4Runner. Lou carried the conversation because one tiny word had put Tony in the role of encouraging and awe-filled noises.

Whatever the reason they were here, this was the most rewarding thing in any life. He finally completely let go and left the future-past in its place, moving into their unknown destiny together. As a family.